It's been two weeks since my third IMWI finish and I finally feel the urge to write about the day. I've enjoyed reading many other blogs from a number of athletes. I actually had decided not to take the time to write my own. Then I remembered how much I learn from looking back on my previous experiences and how remarkable it is to be able to conjure up those same feelings no matter how much time has passed. And when I do look back, I still feel this incredible sense of gratitude and disbelief that this is my life.
This year leading up to IMWI was yet another full of firsts while pushing my body beyond the previous limits I had set for myself. In April I ran my first 50K solo run, in May I,(ok....my hubby...Happy Birthday, Mother's day, Anniversary to me!!), purchased a power tap and race wheels, and I became one of coach Blake's personal athletes. I had really wanted to focus on improving my strength and endurance on the bike. Working more closely with Blake enabled me to transition to riding with power more smoothly. I also signed up for the Wisconsin Triple Crown, a series of three very challenging strength rides. The third in the series had me riding 127 miles! This summer of training had gone extremely well, even with taking some time off from biking and swimming to travel to Scotland. Blake and I pushed that bar just a bit higher, and my body responded nicely. I PR'd at every distance which I still can't believe. After 10 years in this sport, I'm still improving!!
This years taper for IMMOO was handled a bit differently as well. We decreased on the volume but kept the intensity up. I was bringing more fatigue into the last week before the big day, and I was a little worried about that. I was also dealing with the stress of the first week of school for the students. As a school nurse, there is no busier time then the first month of the school year. So while the timing is actually ideal on paper, that week before the big day I really don't have the opportunity to lay low and rest. Still, by Thursday I was feeling strong, excited, and ready to go!!
Thursday through Saturday are quite honestly....a blur. But in a good way! I checked in on Thursday and had a great little run and swim with Sasha. On Friday I met many friends for the athlete dinner, and Saturday took my bike and bags down to the Terrace. I knew sooooo many people doing this race and I was in my very happy place! Complete immersion in the sport I love with the people I love more. Also on Saturday, Rachel sent the most adorable picture of Finn in a special IM hand-made onsie and swimming goggles on his head...and a HUGE smile! I was holding it together pretty well until I saw that picture. I just lost it. And every time I would look or think about that image, I would cry.
It was the last thing I looked at before Mike and I left for the Terrace at 4:30 am on Sunday. I also had a letter from Rachel that I was not to open until that day. I thought I had it with me and I was going to read it on the way, but I left it on the table!! Grrrrr!!! I cried again. I read it later and it was written from Finn's perspective. A letter to his G-ma. It is priceless. :-)
I was kind of a wreck when we arrived, I just couldn't stop crying! Jeez, you would have thought I had never done this before! When I went to check on my bike and get marked I was calming down and feeling better. I saw many of my teammates and friends, and even Blake!! Everyone was looking nervously relaxed. My new term that defines an IM morning.
The weather for the day....windy and cool. Much different from my first two IM's. I was worried about the day being too cold for me, and about the choppy swim. Yes, everyone is talking about that swim and the fact that it was probably the worst swim conditions of all 12 IMWI's. Sasha and I stayed together for the morning, and after kissing Mike, (no tears...I was all cried out! ;-)), we made our way into the water with about 15 minutes to spare.
Oh yes, there were waves, but I have been in worse. I knew that the longest stretch of the swim would be into the wind. As Sasha and I made our way to the back of the pack and to the left of the ramp, I was mentally preparing myself. I wasn't nervous exactly, just anxious to get started to get this part over with. But oh, the view from the water of the crowds on the Terrace, the thousands of green and pink caps in the water, and the sound of that cannon, there is nothing like it. I feel so alive in that moment, and I tell myself yet again, what a privilege it is for me to be able to do this thing I so love.

The swim: Goal time, 1:35. Actual time: 1:49:09, 68th out of 81 in the 45-50 AG.
In my typical guppie fashion, I finished near the bottom of my AG. But I FINISHED that swim! It was tough, and the conditions really separated the strong from the weak. Despite my time, I was actually really happy with this swim. I got nailed in the face really early on, the contact, like the chop, was relentless the whole time, my right calf was cramping after about 20 minutes, I was sighting like crap, I felt like I was swimming in place...and even swam... BACKWARDS the opposite way down the back stretch! I could only breath to my left since I was swallowing a lot of water when I turned my head to the right. And yet, I actually kind of enjoyed it?!?! I stayed relaxed and never panicked. Sasha was swimming with me for quite awhile until we lost each other after the first turn buoy. That was so cool! And I got a really extensive view of the Madison skyline since I spent so much time looking at it! ;-)
I exited the water with a big smile on my face. I looked at my watch and was actually surprised at the time, since it really felt like I was in there for at least two hours!! ;-) Then those amazing volunteers helped me get ready for the ride, I hit the porto-loo and ran to my bike.

The bike: Goal time, 7:10. Actual time: 6:52:30, 45th in AG.
One word for this ride...surprising! It was definitely the breeziest of the three IM's. The tail wind got out on the stick was VERY nice, but of course I was cold. I did wear my arm warmers, but it took a really long time to warm up. I started with the fluids and after about 20 minutes I ate a bonk breaker. It was around that time that I started to get a pretty bad headache, and my lower back was aching. That was strange as that has never happened to me before. The pain was increasing and I started to get a bit worried about it. My vision was ok though, so I decided to really pound the fluids. After about an hour, the aching thankfully went away. YAY! I saw my teammate Jackie heading into Verona. She was having issues with her stomach from the swim. I just tried to encourage her to stay patient and let things settle down. I was worried about her after that, but she ended up having an amazing day and is a first time finisher! I also passed Sasha, she swam faster than me!! We chatted a bit and I kept rolling.
We are so lucky to have friends who live on the course right before that hill into Mount Horeb. I LIVE to see my family and friends there! When I got to them on my first loop I was starting to feel really good. I stopped and hugged them all! Then I hit the hills. I was really looking forward to the crowds and the craziness. This years party was even better than I remembered!! And it started earlier, on the Witte roller coaster. At the top was Teammate Ben in his speedo, and friends Lindsay is some sort of a pink tutu, and Jen aka "cookie girl" with her baking costume. She gave me a good swat on the bum with her spatula! I did not even feel that hill!! Until the second loop of course. ;-) Round two of the loop had me feeling stronger and stronger. I met my family again and I told them I was feeling really good! I was worried about the head wind on the way back home, but until then I just kept things conservative and steady. I kept telling myself, "Save it for the run, save it for the run". On the return trip of the stick, I was really, really pumped. I couldn't believe how good I felt at that point. My stomach was ok, and although I was ready to be off the bike, I was really thinking I had enough in my legs to have a good run. I was looking at my watch and knew my bike split was going to be faster than I predicted. I was praying, "Please don't get a flat, please don't get a flat!!"
Then I hit T2...and the wheels came off in a blink. As soon as I sat down, I got nauseous and light headed. This has happened during the previous IM marathons and after I finish, but never this early or this suddenly. I went right to the porta loo and sat there for a bit, honestly just trying to throw up. I am not a puker, I never have been. This day would be no exception.

Run: Goal time: 4:15. Actual time: 4:36:14, 14th in AG.
I started running up the slight hill out of T2 around the Capital. I was trying to distract myself by focusing on the crowds and listening to roar and music. By the time I hit State Street I was pretty sure I was going to hurl right in front of the crowds. I started to walk and made it to the porto at mile one. I just sat there....again, nothing. That was one of the darkest moments in the race. I was so disappointed that this was happening so soon. I started to cry, then I just got mad. I told myself to keep moving and stay patient. Experience has taught me that I can turn this around. I've been in this place many times. I am not alone, so many athletes deal with the same thing. I just kept alternating walking with running and drinking sips of Coke and water. By mile four my tummy was finally settling down. Miles 4-9 were my best. I then thought I should try to get in some calories and had a shot block. Then another. After the third one, by stomach starting whining again. The nausea hit, and I was having to walk a bit more. And that was the story for the rest of the run. Run until the nausea and cramping got too bad, then walk until I got too cold, then run again. At the turn around at mile 13, I realized I made the biggest mistake of the day. I did not put warmer clothes in my special needs bag. That was beyond dumb. While the weather was predicted to be sunny and in the low 70's, it just didn't turn out that way. ALWAYS be prepared for changing conditions, DUH!! For the rest of the run, especially when the sun went down, I dealt with nausea when I would run, and shivering when I walked. Mike was riding his bike out on the course and that was awesome. He knew I was struggling. He encouraged me to keep going, and just do what I was doing. I kept checking my watch, and my dreams of a PR were fading by the minute. As dark as I am making this sound, there were some bright moments as well. The support out there for me was incredible. I ran/walked with several friends and teammates at various times. The team tent was set up just east of picnic point. The first time I ran by, Suzanne was there and pointed out all of the signs they had made for everyone on the team racing. Mine was all about being an Irongranny. It was awesome!!! I also found out that rock star Dottie was ahead of me and having a really great run. I saw her a few times, but I could not catch her. When I had four miles to go, Mike rode by again to see how I was doing. At that point I just wanted to walk the rest of the way. I asked if he saw Dottie, and he told me he had, and that she was looking like the "energizer bunny!". I was so thrilled. I knew if she finished this strong she had a great shot at Kona. I looked at my watch again, and realized that if I walked the rest of the way, I would miss my PR. I thought about Dottie and how much she inspires me. I thought about my friend Michele who was celebrating her 5 year cancerversary with this race. I thought about Eric McLean and how hard he fought, the orange stripe on our race kits a tribute to him. I though again about what I've overcome to get to be in that moment when the discomfort and pain is of my own choosing. I thought about Finn, the image of him in my mind eye. I told Mike I would see him at the finish soon as he rode away. I started to run more than I walked. With 2 miles to go I could hear the crowds, and my stomach couldn't compete with head anymore.
Mike Reily said those words....but he added a few! He said, "Laurie Krause, a nurse from Deforest....YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!" My smile was as big as that sweet booming voice! I looked at my watch, a 9 minute PR. I'll take it!! 13:36:17, 23rd in AG

Shaun, another teammate caught me. I knew I had about 10-15 minutes before I would start to "go south". My first question to him was, "Where's Dottie?" He told me she came in just before I did. I got my medal, shirt, hat, and chocolate milk. :-) Shaun took me over to where Dottie and Charlie were, and I gave her the biggest hug. I was beyond ecstatic for her, and so proud. We got some pictures, and then I found the family. My friend Deb was there, as she has been at all of my IM finishes. She has been there for me for so many years, through all of it. She got yet another sweaty bear hug!
I saw Blake and we chatted a bit about the race. Then I started to feel sick so we hurried away. Mike had gotten all of my bags and my bike, and had put them in the truck. He said it was just one block away, but I couldn't make it that far. I started to feel faint and nauseated....an all too familiar feeling by now. I hit the curb and put my had between my legs. I truly felt like puking, so I asked Robyn to get a garbage can....UGH!! She did and I stuck my head in it....YUCK!!! Still didn't puke. After a few minutes I could get up and walk to the truck. I got home and to the bathroom floor I went. I actually fell asleep there this time! After a while Mike helped me up and I took a shower. I slept until about 1:30 am, when I got up to try to eat a little something and drink. Thankfully the worst was over. IMWI #3 Done. BOOM!!!!

There are so many people to thank, and this blog is already too long. I have spent the last two weeks personally thanking everyone. And really, there is no way for me to convey how strongly I feel about this one fact. That there is no way I could ever be able to do this without the support and encouragement I receive from so many. Love and hugs to you all!

Next major event, The end of the season team party this Saturday. Bring on the Beer Mile!! :-)

A grandson's first letter from his Grandma.

I was one of the first set of eyes that saw your precious face enter this world. I wonder if you will ever know how much power that moment has for me? How fortunate I feel to be able to be there for you and your Mom and Auntie Robyn as we worked so hard to get you to come out and meet us? (Your Mom worked MUCH harder than we did!!) It would have been perfect had your Dad been there. He tried his very best to get to you and your Mommy as soon as he could. Your Mom let me stay with you both until your Dad arrived the next day. When your Dad saw you for the first time, the look on his face was one of pure love and happiness. His smile was so big and never left his face! I was so proud and happy for your Mom and Dad, and for you too my little Finn. You are so loved by so many.
You got to stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house during your first week. Auntie Robyn stayed at the house too, as she was not letting you out of her sight! Your Great-Grandma Ulla flew in from Taos to meet you. Your Great-Grandma and Grandpa B came to meet you when you were just 3 days old. We had many friends and family come and visit you. You also traveled for visits. You were one busy little baby, but you were sooooo good. You just soaked in all the love, and I got to witness much of it. Of course your Grandma is a little nutty, as you will soon learn! I managed to get in most of my workouts as I am training for a big race in a few weeks. I know I said I was a little nutty, and many people think I'm VERY nutty, but the truth is all of the training helps me to be happy. I thought of you almost every moment. I thought about how I was going to manage being so far away from you and your Mom. You have already learned how close our family is and how much we love each other. When I think about how much you are going to change and grow almost daily, and the fact that there will be many of those moments that I will miss, it makes me a little sad. So I run, bike, and swim...and cry. But when your Mom tells me she's happy, I feel much better!
You have been in your new home in Kentucky for three days now. I cannot believe how much I miss you and your Mom already! So many people have told me that when I become a grandma, I will feel different and it will be so wonderful. I didn't believe them. I knew I would love you, but I wasn't so sure about the whole grandma thing. I didn't see myself as the g-word! But then something happened. It started with that first look of your beautiful face. But the shift in me wasn't complete until the next day as I held you in my arms while your Mommy was sleeping. You were awake, alert, and as calm as could be. Your eyes were scanning my face and your hands and fingers were moving in a wavelike pattern. (Your Mommy said she could feel you doing this while you were inside her tummy!) You looked into my eyes, and it happened. I thought, "Ahhh....so this is what everyone was talking about." I am a grandma, and I no longer cringe at the word. :-) (I'm still hoping you call me something else??? I'm also hoping with all of my might that you DO NOT call your Grandpa what he wants you to call him! ;-))
I will be coming to spend the rest of the week with you tomorrow....so get ready for some Grandma time! I will bring my running shoes, and your Mommy says there is a gym with a pool I can use. I always get excited to run in a new place! But don't worry, we will have plenty of time together.
I will see you tomorrow night my sweet Finn!
Love, your Grandma.

I'm back!!

Well, it has been several months since my last post, but it feels like a lifetime. So much has happened, both good and not so good. Several times I have come to this blog to post an entry, but I truly haven't known where to start. So I will try to provide a "cliff note" version of the rest of 2012.
What I was unable to share in my last post from July, 2012 regarding the Door County Triathlon, was that the weekend just prior to the race my hubby and I found out that Rachel was pregnant. Between my broken toe, this surprising news that we were unable to share with anyone, and Rachel still insisting on racing during this very early stage of her pregnancy, that whole race weekend was very surreal to say the least.
Fast forward a few months. The list of life events is as follows:
1. Rachel and Ted's August marriage.
2. The ongoing challenges of a family member, the details of which I am unable to share so publicly, but that continues to take it's toll emotionally.
3. Celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary with a trip to Napa Valley, followed by travel to Alaska. (A GOOD happening! :-))
3. Training and racing my third marathon of the year and gratefully qualifying for Boston again!! (Another GOOD happening!)
4. The death of my horse Dudley in October. I can't believe how much it still hurts.

So here we are, it's already almost March of 2013! The pace of life certainly has not slowed down. We are focused on the upcoming birth of our grandson. Yes, it's a boy!! He is due to come on March 18th, but as with most babies, they have their own travel plans, so we will see. ;-) Ted got stationed at Fort Campbell in Kentucky and we are very grateful it's not too far away. Rachel is there nesting in their new apartment which is near the base. She will be back at the end of the week and will stay with us until D-day. Won't be long now!! I want to admit that I am getting used to the whole grandma gig, but I still have a hard time with it. We are trying to come up with different ways to say, "Mother of the Mom". Any and all ideas are welcome! :-)
On to the training and racing for 2013. It is an Ironman year. I decided to register for IMOO 2013 despite all that is going on with the family this year. All of my BFF's on the team are doing it and I was really looking forward to sharing IM #3 with them! I've also registered for my first 50k run coming up on April 20th. Then I plan on doing the Wisconsin Triple Crown series of rides as part of IMOO training. In addition to Rachel moving, the new baby, the formal wedding planned for October, and my hubby's insistence that we travel to Scotland in June to visit some friends, (he really had to twist my arm on that one...;-)), I will be attempting to train for an Ironman. I'll be completely honest...I'm having doubts at the moment about my ability to pull this off.
I am home from work today. I HATE calling in sick to work, I really do. I am not sick today, but injured again. I have been battling back issues since December and I am in the throes of some major spasms. I see my doc this afternoon, and then on to sports med. (I've been just trying to deal with this on my own, but now it's time for a little help. :-() Blake has been working very carefully with me to try to find that right balance between training for the ultra and IMOO, and resting and recovering while working through this pain. So far we've been managing, but I feel like I took a direct hit in the last few days. The scary part is, there was no clear incidence or injury. Possibly a slip on the ice last Thursday? This seems to have come on insidiously. As I told Blake today, "I think my body is trying to tell me something".
Every New Years day for the past 10 years, I take down all of my race bibs from the previous year and put them in a box with all of my medals. I can then start with a clean fridge for the next year. This year I took down 16 race bibs. 16 races in 2012! It isn't rocket science. There is a reason that I am carrying residual fatigue coming into 2013. The question is, will I be able to push through it and still meet all of my goals for the year?
I know I'm going to try! :-)
Enjoy this day!

Door County 2012, race report.

As I sit here I am staring out of our cabin porch windows at a sight I've seen very little of in the past three months. Heavy rains, and wait....what is that sound? Thunder?? This little respite during our yearly week at the cabin provides me with the opportunituy to leisurly eat my breakfast, drink my caramel coffee that was in our Door County race packets, and procrastinate about driving into town to do laundry. Normally I would not go to the laundromat during vacation. I hate wasting that time! However, the extremely offensive smell from our race kits....complete with a strong urine odor...(Yes, I peed in my kit during the race..:)), leaves me with no other choice but go and get it done. Besides, there is a new gym next to the laundromat that I would like to check out!
Door County...my biggest trithlon weekend of 2012. Made even more special by getting to share the experience with Rachel as she races her second sprint on Saturday, and riding the bike leg of the half on Sunday. We were sharing our room with Dana and Sasha, and sharing the whole weekend with the team. I was going into this race feeling the effects of a period of time in my life that has been much like the year of 2004. We call that the year from H@#L, when the bad things just kept happening. Although the circumstanses and events are different, the feelings of helplessness, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and anger are the same. I have been using all of my energy to look at things positively and keep things in perpective. It has been tough. That happy and content place that I am trying so hard to hang onto keeps slipping further away. So I was really looking forward to the Door County weekend as a chance to just let it all go for a few days and get to my happy place.
The Monday before the weekend....BAM! I stubbed my left pinky toe on a wall while vaccuming. The 90 degree angle of my toe was a new look for my foot, but it wasn't very attractive. So I pushed it back to straight. Physical pain, now THAT I can deal with!! ;-) Of course I was beyond angry. How many times do I do this to myself? The next day I found out it was a complete fracture of the middle phalange. No running for 6-8 weeks. I decided to cut a hole in my running shoe and do the race anyway. Racing with pain is not new to me and I was willing to accept the consequences of this less than responsible choice.
We arrived in Door County Friday night and went directly to pick up our packets. It took just a few minutes for Sasha to find the cutest pair of red running shorts for $15....SCORE!! ;-) We picked up our packets, freshened up at the hotel, and set out to meet a large group of friends for dinner. I found my happy place!!
The next norning, my happiness turned to extreme worry for Rachel. The weather was cloudy and very breezy with a pretty significant chop in the water. Sasha had graciously let Rachel borrow her wet suit which made me feel better, and Rachel seemed much less worried about the swim than I was. While it took her a bit longer than she would have liked, she completed that swim doing mostly breast stroke. Dana and I were on shore near T1 watching for her to get out of the water, and we completely missed her! :-( I was worried sick until we went to look in T1 to see if her bike was still there. Thankfully it wasn't and I could breath again. Our friends told us she was just fine and had been riding for a few minutes. I still don't know how we missed her!
Sasha, Julia and I had gotten our 20 minute run done right when we got up that morning. The hole cut in my shoe made running so much more bearable! I finally allowed myself to get excited for the race as I was more confident I was going to be able to run more than I had anticipated. We timed our 30 minute bike ride so we would be able to see Rachel on the run. I felt GREAT on that ride! And then I saw Rachel and she was having a hard time. I tried to encourage her and say the right things to help her feel better. She finished that race with a huge smile on her face as we all cheered for her!!
That afternoon we all got our gear and bikes ready for Sundays race. The other girls took a nap, but I just couldn't settle down enough to even consider it. We went to dinner with more of the team and got to bed early. I had an amazing nights sleep!! Unheard of the night before a race!?!? I guess I was pooped!
The conditions the next morning were much better than Saturday. It was sunny and humid, but the water was much calmer....WHEW!! I ate my usual pre-race meal and drank some Gatoraid. I double taped my toe and said a little prayer. It was more ouchy that morning from the previous days run, but still not too bad. I didn't feel nervous exactly, but I was distracted and worried again for Rachel as she prepared for the 56 mile bike leg of her relay. Blake had been instructing me to let it go and focus on my own race. I found that diffficult, but I tried my best to shift my focus inward. I got in the water and took a few swim strokes. The water was a bit cold for me as usual, but otherwise I felt good and ready to go. Our wave was the last to start, and at 9 am, the gun went off.
Within 200 meters I was swimming wide right and off course. A volunteer in a kayak chased me down and pointed me in the right direction and instructed me to swim THROUGH the two yellow buoys! NOT the greatest swim start! I tried so hard to stay on the buoy line, it just wasn't happening. I swam all over the place the entire time. The was a current and I just wasn't adjusting to it. About half-way through the swim I was finally starting to get into a rhythm, but it didn't last very long. Initially I was worried about getting my toe hit by anothe swimmer, but in no time I was one of the last in the water. Very little chance of getting swam over! ;-)
I barely looked at my watch as I exited the water. I knew my time was awful. My new worry was getting my wetsuit off without hurting my toe and I noticed that the tape had come most of the way off during the swim. I pulled off the rest, and the volunteer was very gentle when she helped me take my wetsuit of. Thank you volunteer!!
Onto my new baby! I was excited about this part of the race. My plan was to try to push the bike leg more than I normally would since I wasn't sure how long I was going to be able to run. The weather was perfect for my ride. There was a bit of a breeze and it was warm, but it was the ideal conditions for me. I spun it out easy at first to get my legs back and a half an hour into my ride I took a goo. I did not feel pain in my toe...at all!! Despite all of that, I felt like A@!!! My legs felt like lead and I was was breathing too hard. I don't ride with power or a heart rate monitor, but my perceived exertion was very high. I just couldn't seem to settle in. I took a goo every half hour, and by the fourth one my stomach was not liking it. I did feel a bit better between miles 30 and 40, but then back to crap. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I just stayed patient and focused, and waited for the bliss that never came. I was looking for Rachel casually and I saw a few members of my team. I tried to enjoy the beautiful scenery and stay in the moment. I just wasn't feeling it.
I passed Rachel at mile 54. I was so happy to see her!! She was looking just fine. She said to me, "Are you not running?" She thought I was done with my bike leg and had opted out of the run and was looking for her! I said, "No, just finishing my ride. Hang in there honey, YOU are almost done!!"
Ironically after the first few miles of the run, I finally started to feel good. I quit taking jels and stuck with my coconut water that I retrieved in T2, and ice. It was getting pretty hot and humid, but I was comparing the conditions to those of last year when it felt much worse. The toe was holding up, but my left ankle started snapping again. UGH!!! Still nothing I couldn't handle, and at this point my goal was to just run as much as I could and walk when I needed to. I saw many friends and teammates during that run. When I cought someone I knew, I would walk or run with them as we encouraged each other to keep on going. Debbie was out on her bike wearing her purple Ragnar skirt, and seeing her several times was awesome!! She gave me such a boost as she was so encouraging and oozing positive energy. She would give me updates on how Rachel was doing. "She's eating a pulled pork sandwich!!" I could have hugged her right then and there, but I didn't want to stop! I made up for it later. :-)
I saw Blake twice on the run. Once at the beginning and once during those last 3 miles of pain. That section of the race is so tough on everyone! My toe and ankle were starting to really complain at mile 9 and just got progressivily worse. But I was also pretty happy as I knew I would finish this race. Running the last half mile of downhill HURT but crossing that finish line to the cheers of my friends was as incredible as always!!
My overall time was one minute faster than last year's sufferfest, but I was much further down in my age group. My bike split was a bit faster, but my swim and run were slower. I was hoping to have a better bike split with the new bike. I tried to let it go and just be happy to have finished, but I honestly wasn't feeling that either at the time.
So I turned outward and on to my team members. SO many great races and PR's!!! I was genuinely happy and proud for them. I am so grateful to everyone on this team for showing what it means to be giving, caring, and supportive in the midst of their own races and challenges. They showered Dana, who was a stranger to most of them, with friendly and welcoming support. They showed genuine interest in getting to know her. Because she was in my bubble, she was in theirs. They shared my "Momma Bear" duties for Rachel so I wouldn't have to do it alone. I had tears in my eyes when Dottie saw me at the end of her sprint, in which she WON her age group, and asked if Rachelk was ok. Who does that?
Team BBMC, that's who. They are getting us through the tough stuff. This may be the unplanned early end to my season. There is more tough stuff coming up. I need to shift my focus on staying strong and healthy, and work on healing. I am looking forward to supporting my team members through the rest of their year and keep my happy place within within "huggs" reach. This is what will keep me moving forward with a smile on my face.
Enjoy this day! :-)

A Triathlete is born!

Twenty-three years ago as the Milwaukee Lakefront fireworks were just beginning to go off, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, SCREAMING (ok...singing!! ;-)), baby girl. At 22 and 23 years old, Mike and I were fairly young new parents and were utterly overwhelmed and scared....and completely in love with this tiny little creature. We naturally had conversations about what kind of person she would turn out to be, what would her passions be, what would she do with her life. We both agreed that we would, to the best of our abilities, provide our children with opportunities to experience and pursuit a variety of interests and activities. We were very fortunate to be able to take them many places that others only dream about going to. Through circumstance, family and job connections, they have traveled to Germany, England, Hawaii, and Mexico. They have seen many parts of this amazing country. They are fully aware of how fortunate they are to have had these experiences at such a young age. Their talents and interests tended to revolve around the Arts. Singing, piano, saxophone, viola, (Rachel....a three week stint!! ;-)), dance, and drama. They tried t-ball and basketball, but those activities did not last long. They did play tennis in High School which they enjoyed during the very short 8-week season. Robyn ran Cross Country in middle school, but showed no interest in continuing in high school. Look back, I find it interesting that it was during this time of self-discovery for them, I stumbled upon my passion. I was 36 years old when I ran my first race and ignited that spark. Why then? Why not any earlier in my life? I had opportunities and chances. I played tennis in high school as well. I joined athletic clubs and tried to run. I hated it. I gained lots of weight and began to hate myself. I joined the gym, lost much of the weight and felt so much better. But really no spark. Although I did enjoy aerobics, I mainly exercised to keep the weight off. And then that race....and most of you know the rest. I have talked about how THE MOST rewarding thing about what I do is how it influences other people in my life to make positive changes in their own lives. Over these ten years, I have witnessed friends and family members walking/running their first races, increasing their activities, and tweaking their diets. My Mom is a great example of this. To be honest, she was less than enthusiastic about my new passion in the beginning. She saw me run myself into major injuries, and then when my CAVM ruptured and I continued to run, she was simply worried sick. Slowly, however, she saw how my physical activity had a positive impact on my recovery, and realized how much this sport had become a huge part of not only my physical, but also my mental, emotional and spiritual health. She saw how happy I was. She decided to start walking. She recently told me, "Now I get it!". It's been tough for Mike an the girls as well. They understandably worry. There is this HHT cloud that hangs over all of this. I know how anxious everyone feels when I'm in the water, and how relieved we ALL are when I get out. It was tremendously difficult saying goodbye and hugging my two crying daughters before my first IM swim. I felt so selfish and wondered why I was putting them through this. Is this worth it? Now they understand. It makes me so happy. To live in fear of what may occur, made all the more real because we happen to KNOW the risks, is not how I choose to live the rest of my life...however long or short it may be. They get it. Rachel did her first Triathlon one week ago. She gets it.

She did so great! I was a wreck!!!! I was racing as well, but I was so worried and excited for her I had a hard time focusing on my own race. She was in wave 4 and I was in 7, so I watched her swim start. I cried. The irony is not lost on me, I just wanted her OUT OF THAT WATER!!! I watched her going around the first turn buoy and she was doing so well! When I got out of my own swim, Coach Blake was there and told me Rachel got out of the water just fine. WHEW!!! Now I could focus and enjoy. I passed her on the bike and she was looking so strong! She saw ME first on the run, and I heard her say, "Hi Mommy!", with her bobbing blond pony tail, I-Pod in her ears...and a HUGE smile! My heart sung. :D It was a successful day for both of us! We had a great time as usual with the team. Have I said how much I love this team? The support they have shown Rachel has been unreal. A few days ago, the Team BBMC newsletter came out and she is the Athlete of the Month!! Blake describes her as "mostly soft spoken". I don't know about that...my ears are still ringing from that first glass shattering scream EVERYONE heard on the night of the fireworks, 23 years ago. :) In one week we will do it again. I am beyond excited for our Door County Triathlon weekend!!!! Rachel will be doing the sprint on Saturday, and I will do the half-IM on Sunday. Rachel will also be doing the bike leg of a relay on Sunday....she will bike 56 miles one day after the sprint! Much of the team will be there...and I will be in my most happy place. :D Enjoy this day!

Counting blessings instead of blunders.

This week was a rough one. Mentally, emotionally, physically, the ups, downs, turns, twists, all have left me a little depleted, but not defeated. It wasn't all bad and as you know, things can always be worse. So I've decided to take every instance and put a positive, grateful spin on them. This helps me to navigate through the mushy haze that is my brain right now, and keep things in perspective. Things that I am grateful for this week: 1: I didn't have to work! 2: The Horribly Hilly ride last Saturday was only about 90% as horrible and hilly as my mind made it out to be. And I only had to clip out ONCE to push my bike up a hill! 3: My Cannondale...which I haven't ridden since January....did not hold a grudge and took GREAT care of me as always on those hills! 4: Culvers at the end of that ride!! ;-) 5: Family celebration on Father's Day, a reminder of what is important. This time together provided the strength and fuel to get us through the following 24 hours. 6: Rachel, for being my angel that night! 7: My sisters voice. 8: Family and friends...can't say it enough... 9: Candice...for the push! 10: Sasha....for the hug! 11: Matt, for the reminder. 12: Dan...for the dinner and support. 13: My team.....more pushing, encouragement, and laughs! 14: That my hubby isn't any sicker than he is, and is improving!! 15: That the incident on the road yesterday which was totally my fault, did not result in any injuries. 16: I will only allow maybe two or three days of beating myself up over it. 17: The fact that I am a fully insured driver, have a valid drivers license, and was not on my cell phone during said incident. 18: My legs were with me during my two hour run this morning providing the opportunity to smash myself physically. 19: The PAC pool...more smashing. 20: My sisters reassuring voice. 21: One week from today, our upcoming week at the HHT treatment center in St. Louis with Robyn will be over. My guardian angel was BUSY this week. I hope she still has some power in those wings for next week! :-) Enjoy this day!

Fatigue Fight!

Has is really been since April that I've written on this Blog? So much has happened since that last "After Boston" post, there has been very little time to write about it. Now that I'm essentially done for the school year, (Except I should be at school tying up loose ends right now instead of blogging!), I have renewed my commitment yet again to keep up with this blog. Here is a summary of the last two months: ~Ran Crazy legs with Mom, Rachel, and many friends. Two weeks after Boston managed to finish only 20 seconds off my PR from last year. :-) ~One week later, ran the Lake Monona 20k resulting in a PR. After careful consideration and many conversation with my family and coach, I decided to register for the Green Bay Marathon that was to take place two weeks later. I would attempt another BQ. ~Green Bay Marathon....Hot, Humid, canceled after 18 miles. Ran the rest of the way so I wouldn't have to wait for a bus, and so my Mom could see me finish a marathon for the first time. ~One week later....took a major hit with a nasty flu bug. My body was talking to me VERY LOUDLY and I was finally forced to listen. It took about a week to recover from that one! ~Two weeks later and one week ago, I was grateful that I was healthy enough to enjoy the Chicago Ragnar experience with 11 other new BFF'S!!!! What an incredibly fun and exhausting weekend. I ran four legs for a total of 24.5 miles. Of course it was hot and humid, but all of my runs were on the trail and it went well for me. I LOVED it!! Team BBMC Beauties aka Ragnarians!! That brings us to the present, and today I have a case of the nerves. It surprises me how much anxiety I have about tomorrow's Horribly Hilly Hundred ride that I signed up to do many months ago. I will be riding 60 some mile around Blue Mounds state park. Many cyclists train in this area to get to those hills. I've have never ridden that area yet. My longest ride this year has been 31 miles. I am really feeling the fatigue of the last several weeks. Not only the fatigue from all of the racing and training, but the added stress of dealing with the challenges those closest to me are facing. It can be exhausting keeping your house of cards from collapsing in that stiff wind. I also fully recognize and take responsibility for the times that I blow on that stack of cards myself. I know that all of this training and racing in this sport that I love is my way of coping with the personal stress. It's a tricky place to be when all you want to do is push back even harder against that wind. You just hope that you keep the damage to a minimum, and have the strength rebuild when you need to. This has been a year of firsts. My first double marathon 5 weeks apart, My first mid-event cancellation, the first time my Mom has been present at a major race, my first Ragnar experience, The first time I've raced alongside my daughter, and tomorrow will mark the first time I've ridden the Blue Mounds hills in my first ever stand alone cycling event. It will be hot and humid, there will be major hills, and from what I hear...LOTS OF FOOD!!!! A few members of the team will be there as well...YAY!! I am incredibly grateful to my family and friends who are a constant support. How can any of us get through this life without these precious connections? We ALL go through this stuff and we need each other to help rebuild those cards. I was at a visitation this week for a friends husband who passed away. I asked her how she was doing, really, what do you say in those moments to provide some comfort? She said it was so helpful to just be with family, friends, and neighbors. She said, "They don't even need to say anything, just being here for us has been amazing". I would agree. Enjoy this day!