I never thought I would say this, but I almost regret not being more of a baseball fan. To be in St. Louis during the World Series was crazy! Everyone wearing white and red, that silly looking cardinal everywhere, the red and white balloon arch at the airport, and the energy that was present on Friday morning after the Cardinals come from behind win on Thursday night was really fun! I am very happy for all of my new friends in St. Louis...congratulations on winning the World Series!!! :-)
Robyn and I arrived on Tuesday and settled into our hotel. The Parwkway Hotel is located right in the middle of the Wash U medical campus and it's where many of the out of town patients stay when being treated there. There is a walkway right from the hotel to the hospitals and clinics. You don't even have to go outside! The weather on Tuesday was gorgeous, however, and after one last time spent in the gym before my forced downtime, Robyn and I walked to a really great restaurant. The temps were in the upper 70's and we ate outside. Nice!! I stuffed myself since it was going to be a long time before I could eat again. For me, two hours is a long time!!
My angio was originally scheduled at 7 am, but they called to tell me I got bumped to 9:30. So of course, I went to the gym again! ;-) When we got to the hospital, I was told there was an emergency, so I would have to wait even longer. I was ready to eat the sheets!! ;-) I did go with Robyn to the cafeteria while we were waiting as I wanted to make sure she ate. It really wasn't too bad, luckily the smell in the cafeteria put me off, and truthfully, I was a bit nervous. Robyn did get a fabulous picture of me in my hospital garb with my pink Ironman hoodie. Stylin!!
The procedure took almost two hours. I had asked them to go light on the sedation because I HATE it and how those drugs make me feel. Apparently I may have been annoying them a little with all of my blabbing. I couldn't help it, one of the nurses was a triathlete and was selling her tri bike!!! Finally she said, "Shhh, I need to keep you quiet, we can talk after!" Then suddenly I got a migraine aura, so they snowed me....UGH!! :-(
When I woke up from my fuzziness, they were holding pressure on the artery, and I made sure to stay quiet to avoid a repeat of the last time when I was clamped to the table to stop the bleeding. Nothing like that this time, that guy was STRONG....OUCH!! One of the neurologists came in and and told me my results were, "interesting". There is a 13x7x5 mm AVM on my spinal cord at the C4 level. Many spinal cord avm's which are pretty rare, are in the dura or on the outside of the cord. Mine involves the cord itself, and they see this very rarely, even in HHT patients. So, what to do? As I suspected....nothing. It's to risky to try and embolize it, and certainly surgery is not an option. There are 3 ways this can cause me problems. Bleeding, pressure, and the avm messing with the circulation in that area and decreasing the blood supply to the cord. They tell me the risk of bleeding is 2-4%, but the risk of motor impairment with an embolization is 20%. Easy decision for me...leave it alone!! There are a few vague symptoms that may or may not have anything to do with it. I certainly have good motor function! The good news is that they only see one other small CAVM, about 6mm, near where the other one that ruptured was. This does not show up easily on an MRI, so they feel the pressure is low in that one and we do not need to treat it. YAY!!
After many hours flat on my back and battling nausea and back pain, I was finally allowed to leave at about 8 pm. At that point I just wanted to get up and walk. But they wouldn't let me and had to wait for the long wheelchair ride back to the hotel. I felt like utter crap, but we did go to the Applebees...also connected to the hotel, and got something to eat. I felt better after that!
The next morning Robyn had a bubble echo, chest CT, pulmonary function test, and an blood gas scheduled. Then we both saw Dr. Chakanala, the pulmonologist and one of the directors for the HHT center. Poor Robyn, she immediately got a migraine after sitting up after her bubble echo. :-( This also happened with me and my Mom after our bubble echo's. A bubble echo is a test they do to see if you have any shunting in your lungs. It's a little complicated, but they inject bubbles into your vein, ( a very small amount!), and at the same time they are doing an echocardiogram of your heart to see if the bubbles pass through it. It is not normal to have the bubbles pass through. When you have pulmonary avm's, you will see bubbles pass through after about 3-5 heartbeats. Robyn's was positive, but this was not surprising since this is the same result we got here in Madison. But when you sit up, the bubbles irritate the the blood vessels in your head and you can get a migraine.
The avm's in Robyn's lungs are so small that they do not show up on her chest CT. So again, nothing to be done but monitor. Thankfully her blood gasses and PFT's are normal!
After our appointments, Robyn went right to bed. I left the room so I wouldn't bother her, and just went walking. I still felt off and sore, but I just needed to move and get some fresh air and try to absorb all that was happening. I walked for hours and discovered some really cool stores and really interesting local neighborhoods. I knew I was supposed to lie low, but I just couldn't help it. I was getting pissed and the pity party members were knocking on the door. I wanted to keep moving.
Robyn felt better after sleeping a few hours and was able to eat a sandwich. We watched the food channel...again....and that sassy pants has created a food channel addict. This may be the final push for us to get a dish so we can finally get cable channels!
Yesterday morning, we had our final visit with the neurologist, Dr Zipfel. The vascular team had met that morning, and agreed that for me, there's really nothing to do unless other symptoms develop. Again, it's just not worth the risk. I never even asked about restrictions. Don't ask...don't tell. They know I'm a triathlete, I've been told in the past about the risks, especially while swimming. I feel no different about it today that I did yesterday, except to feel even more defiant and compelled to push it even harder! Like I said, I'm just feeling a little pissed, and I am growling like a mamma bear.
Here's the mamma bear part. Robyn has two AVM's in her head, one in particular that shows up very easily on the MRI. It is this one they are worried about, so they are suggesting the Gamma Knife procedure for her. Surgery, thankfully, is not an option. Gamma knife surgery is where they shoot a beam of radiation directly into the AVM in order to cauterize it. It's a day procedure, but they have to put her is that halo that's screwed into the skull to stabilize the head. She will also be receiving many fun drugs for that! It takes about 2-3 years for the AVM to die off, so she will be monitored yearly. We are planning to go back down, probably next June after she and I are done with school. We are just absorbing this news, and needless to say, Robyn is pretty worried about it. Other than the anger I feel at her having to go through this, I am happy that at least they are able to offer us SOMETHING that we can do! Because she is so young, and has many years ahead of her, they feel she is a good candidate for this procedure. Our hope too, is that it will help lessen the number and severity of her migraines.
So we return from our "HHT girls trip" with many mixed feelings, and LOTS of fatigue! But we can't say enough good things about how we were treated and the great care we received from EVERYONE! It was amazing, and became almost comical the number of times complete strangers would ask us if we needed any help. We apparently walk around constantly with that, "I'm lost" look on our faces! ;-) ALL...well, there were one or two...but MOSTLY all of the medical personnel were amazing and attentive. One of the nurses during my recovery brought over a recliner for Robyn and gave HER warm blankets too!! There were so many little things, too many to count, that made this less than fun experience so much better than it could have been. I can never thank them enough.
To my friends who were texting me and posting well-wishes on FB, I hope you understand how much that really does help. Thank you ALL! :-)
To my beautiful, wonderful, strong daughter...there will be more tears, but there will also be laughter. (I will always remember the speech from the flight attendant from last night, and that adorable little girl singing the Barney song, and that same flight attendant offering up her fries as the in flight snack!! ;-)) And we will always have each other. I love you so much!
Enjoy this day!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
IM Wisconsin, 2011 race report
It's Saturday morning, almost one week post IM, and I am sitting here enjoying my coffee and the cool, quiet that this morning brings. There are no planned workouts, no long rides, the chores are already done. I have a hair appointment, (the dark roots are screaming to be colored!), and a meeting with friends for the Badger game. There IS a life after IM, and I'm ready for an Autumn filled with football, family, friends, and maybe a little physical activity thrown in just for fun! :-)
I am extremely happy to say...I met my goal of finishing IMOO #2 in under 14 hours!!!!! Here is a recap of the day. I'll try to be brief! (ok....not very likely! ;-))
I went into this race a bit sleep deprived from a stress-filled work week, nerves, and trying to fit it all in. I was sleeping MAYBE up to 6 hours a night and by Saturday I was feeling it. My Saturday morning tune-up ride/run did not feel good at all, and I was worried. So that night I got to bed at 9, and slept like a baby!! I woke up at 3:45 feeling GREAT and ready to go! I had all of my gear and nutrition ready and Mike dropped me off at the Terrace by 5:20. I had eaten 1/2 bagel with peanut butter and some yogurt with cereal. I had my ONE cup of coffee....YUM! I started drinking Perform. I got to my bike, checked her out, pumped up the tires, and found Sasha right away! I'd also seen Randy, Colin, and Patrick. Team BBMC was everywhere and I was already loving it! I got marked, checked my bags, and met Mike and Rachel by the bathroom. I checked that out too!! I kept running into rock star Randy, convinced at this point that he was stalking me! ;-) I then put on my wet suit, body glide to the neck to avoid the ring of fire that was around my neck in 2009, kissed Mike and Rachel, and started down that helix for the swim start. It was CROWDED! It took a very long time to get to the water. I saw Matt and Steve...YAY...and they got HUGE hugs from me!!! When I heard the National Anthem, I started to cry. And I was not alone. This was an emotional day for everyone who was remembering what happened just 10 short years ago.
I was not nervous!!!! I was excited and couldn't wait to start. I then looked to my left and saw a big BBMC sign, but I couldn't see who was holding it through the sea of pink and green swim caps. It was Deb!!! I yelled for her and she caught my eye!! Her husband took a picture of me....it is HYSTERICAL!!
I got in the water and stayed to the right and in the back. There was a young lady that got in near me and she was clearly petrified. She asked, "Have you done this before? Where should we stay? Are you a slow swimmer?" I smiled and told her, "Yes, I am very slow, and we should stay right here!" She than said, "Will you swim with me? I'm so scared!" I felt so bad for her. I said I would try to stay with her, knowing it would be impossible. Then the cannon boomed, and I never saw her again.
I never thought I would ever say this in a million years, but I LOVED that swim! I decided early on to do something different. I was feeling so comfortable and relaxed, so I stayed in the fray and on the buoy line. Yes, I got pummeled, kicked, swam over, the whole deal....but I also got caught in the drag and just followed the bubbles. At the turn buoy's I stayed in the mess. It's a risk to do that I know. I just wanted to swim a shorter distance and use the other swimmers to help me stay straight and pull me along. When I was feeling like I was swimming in clearer water, I knew I was drifting too far to the outside. So I would swim back to the fray near the buoy's...and it was FUN!!!! After I started on the second loop, I noticed my race kit had creeped up from under my wetsuit and the zipper was scratching my neck. I tried to stop to push it back down, but then I would get pummeled. So I just kept swimming and knew I would come out with a bloody neck...AGAIN! It was keeping my mind off of my tightening calves. That is until, down the back stretch heading towards the finish, I got kicked HARD in my right leg. My right calf immediately seized up. YOUCH!!!! I flexed my right foot and dragged my legs the rest of the way in. I got out of that water and checked my watch. I was hoping for a time close to 1:45. It was 1:38!!!! I saw Mike and Rachel right away and they were so excited! I saw Kari Woodall...TRX and swim master, and I told her, "You are going to make me even faster next time!".
SWIM 2009: 1:51:12 2011: 1:38:29 My biggest improvement of the day!!! :-D
T1 2009: 14:39 2011: 11:05
On to my bike!!! I saw Matt and Steve again as they were volunteering in bike transition. These guys gave me wings ALL DAY!!! I love them to death!!
The ride was, as predicted, challenging and long, but fairly uneventful. I did have two near misses with other riders completely cutting me off. One of them sent me into a ditch, but I was going so slow I just clipped out and didn't fall! I took in Perform, water with Nuun tabs, lots of banana's, a few pretzels, and maybe 3 goo. Nowhere near enough...AGAIN!! :-( The wind picked up on the second loop and I was really feeling this on hwy G and 92 into Mount Horeb. It was full sun and getting warm, but not too bad for me. I knew I wasn't drinking enough as I only had to pee once on the bike. I didn't actually pee ON my bike, although I was willing to do that! ;-) But I did stop at the aid station in Verona and took the time to go to the porto john.
The BEST parts of that ride were seeing my family and friends at the bottom of Paul's driveway. Just like two years ago, knowing they were there gave me such an incredible mental boost. This time I took the time on my first loop to stop and give everyone a hug and tell them thanks for being there. We got a few very good pictures! Shortly after the hugs and kisses, Blake sailed by me with his support crew. I heard the cars and the 'Whoosh Whoosh' of an elites tires, and then I saw the race kit in a blur. He said, "Good job Laurie!" WHAT??? He was 1/2 mile down the road before I started screaming, "Go Blake!!" I was so surprised. He needed to be in his own head, NOT worry about acknowledging ME! What a coach! I also got to see Matt and Steve TWICE on bitch hill! They RAN next to me as I hauled ass up that hill! Then, on my least favorite hill, Midtown, I saw Jena and Dan. That hill has NEVER felt as easy as it did that day. BOTH times. That's how much that support does for you. The crowds this year were unbelievable, BOTH times through the loop!
BIKE 2009: 7:28:16 (14.99 ave) 2011: 7:18:33 (15.32 ave) To be honest, I was a bit disappointed with this time. I thought I could go a bit faster given how my training has been going and the improvements that I have made. But I was really starting to feel it at the beginning of the second loop already. I eased up on my pace to save myself for the run. Definitely more work to do in this area!
T2 2009: 10:24 2011: 6:30
The run....should be my favorite part. It has turned out, once again, to be my biggest challenge in these long events. I started out feeling much better than I did in 2009. I was really happy about this, and really feeling like I could better my time. All I needed to do was stay on course this year! ;-) At about mile 4, my stomach started to go south. It was the complete opposite of what my body usually does. I stuck to water, tried shot blocks which seem to make it worse, and I could not stomach Perform anymore. It was warm, and I was packing ice everywhere. Then I saw Blake walking and I knew he wasn't having a good run. He should have been done by then. We exchanged a few words of encouragement, and he told me he would finish. I started to tear up after I saw him. I knew how much he wanted this, and how hard he's worked not only on his training, but at the same time taking such great care of all of us. I cannot say how much this affected me mentally, but I was already not in my happy place. I needed to find a way out of that negative spiral. I remembered his advice and just focused on my form and cadence. I imagined running as if I was floating on a cloud. I imagined that it was cool and my stomach was calm. And then I called on the memory of that Friday at one of my schools. I remembered the 500 kids lined up on either side of the hallways screaming my name. I remembered that feeling of utter amazement that they would do something like this. I remembered the tears...then they came again. I thought about Sue, who should still be here. More tears. I started alternating chicken broth and Coke at every aid station. I drank ice water and did a lot of walking. I went back and forth with my stomach and my legs, which were starting to get pretty tight and grouchy. As I was running towards the 13.1 mile turn around, I saw Alex at the aid station, and Randy, who was already done! I then saw Karen and her sister Kris, who has been on a most difficult journey this year. I was so excited to see them! I said, "Stay there, I'm coming back around!". As I turned around and headed their way waving and smiling for Karen's camera, my right foot caught a crack in the pavement and down I went. I heard two things...a collective gasp from the crowd, and my brain screaming, "SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!" I felt a pain in my right ankle, left knee, and right arm. My friends came running, and so did a lady in the crowd. I looked down at the blood, but I was worried about my ankle. They helped me up and I started walking. Everything seemed ok!!! My arm and left knee were ugly, but fine, and my right ankle was just a little twingy. Good enough to keep running!! :-)
The rest of the race was pretty tough. I never got that second wind like I did in 2009. But I was looking at my watch, and barring any disasters, I knew I could finish in under 14 hours. I just tried to be patient, and run more than walk. Ironically, the last 5 miles were my fastest split. I could smell the finish line. I couldn't wait to see Matt and Steve and my family. I quit walking since everytime I started to run again I was so close to cramping up. So I shuffled and pumped my arms faster than my legs wanted to go. I heard those kids again. I saw Randy and Alex right before the turn into the finishers chute. Then I saw the finish. It was no less intense an experience then it was the first time. Matt and Steve were THERE!!! They caught me, and I was ecstatic with my time...13:45:03. My name was not called this time...I came in with 4 or 5 others, but I didn't care. I am an Ironman x 2!!!!!!!
RUN 2009: 4:30:14 (10:18 ave) 2011: 4:30:26 (10:19 ave)
Matt and Steve helped me get all of my bling. Then I talked with Matt for awhile, and tried to breath as he kept squeezing the life out of me! I found Mike, Rachel, Robyn, Robyn's Matt, Brian, Ole, Deb, Lois, Dori, and Jen waiting for me. I was already starting to feel sick. UGH!! I give everyone quick hugs and thank you's, then told everyone I needed to keep walking! Mike had my chocolate milk for me, but I couldn't choke it down. I was going down in a hurry.
Everyone left as Mike, the girls, and Matt tried getting me to the truck. Mike had thankfully gotten my bike and bags already so they were in the truck. That 3 block walk took a very long time! I was upset and angry. I wanted to wait to see Sasha finish! :-( I sat down on a curb with my head between my legs, just wishing I could throw up. It just wouldn't come out. We finally made it too the truck, and I rode all the way home with my head between my knees. By the time we got home, I was shaking so hard and ready to pass out. Mike put me on the bathroom floor and I lay there with my feet propped up on the toilet. Very classy!!! I promise there are NO pictured of that moment! :-) 15 minutes or so and that's all I needed. I was able to get up and shower, and finally eat and drink a bit before going to bed...AFTER I saw that Sasha had finished!!! :-)))))
There are so many people to thank, I don't know where to start. To my school family...no matter how many of these things I do, you are ALWAYS excited and supportive! I have a room full of EVERY piece of artwork, cards, notes, pictures, banners...I will save them all! To Team BBMC and Coach Blake...not only did you get me here and help me to have the BEST, most FUN season ever, you have now become part of my family. To Susan and Carl, Katie, JP, Randy K, Lisa, Brian, Dana, Tatum and Tess, Ole, Cheryl, Paul, Rhonda, Rob M., Cindi B., Beth Krause, Linda B, Karen and Kris, Kim and her beautiful daughter Jacey, and many others who were on the course cheering for me...thank you ALL so much for being there!!!!
To my sweet sister Michelle, who couldn't be there due to illness, thank you for all of the love. To Amanda...thank you for taking care of the pugs!! To Bill and Leigh, I cannot ever thank you enough for taking such great care of the horses during all of this!
To my Mom and Tom, Lian, and UB....you inspire me so much with the changes you have made, and your love and support mean the world to me.
Finally, there is NO WAY I could do this without Mike and the girls. Simply no way. Mike has always said that his mission in life is to make me happy. When I talk about this journey I am on, it is he who is building the road. For almost 30 years he has been building this road. Yes, there have been a few bumps, and there will be more to come, but we are always on it together. I love you with all of my heart.
Next up...Devils Lake Triathlon tomorrow...Team BBMC volunteering. Then in one week....it's PARTY TIME with the end of the season party held here at the farm. WHOO HOO!!!!
Enjoy this day!
I am extremely happy to say...I met my goal of finishing IMOO #2 in under 14 hours!!!!! Here is a recap of the day. I'll try to be brief! (ok....not very likely! ;-))
I went into this race a bit sleep deprived from a stress-filled work week, nerves, and trying to fit it all in. I was sleeping MAYBE up to 6 hours a night and by Saturday I was feeling it. My Saturday morning tune-up ride/run did not feel good at all, and I was worried. So that night I got to bed at 9, and slept like a baby!! I woke up at 3:45 feeling GREAT and ready to go! I had all of my gear and nutrition ready and Mike dropped me off at the Terrace by 5:20. I had eaten 1/2 bagel with peanut butter and some yogurt with cereal. I had my ONE cup of coffee....YUM! I started drinking Perform. I got to my bike, checked her out, pumped up the tires, and found Sasha right away! I'd also seen Randy, Colin, and Patrick. Team BBMC was everywhere and I was already loving it! I got marked, checked my bags, and met Mike and Rachel by the bathroom. I checked that out too!! I kept running into rock star Randy, convinced at this point that he was stalking me! ;-) I then put on my wet suit, body glide to the neck to avoid the ring of fire that was around my neck in 2009, kissed Mike and Rachel, and started down that helix for the swim start. It was CROWDED! It took a very long time to get to the water. I saw Matt and Steve...YAY...and they got HUGE hugs from me!!! When I heard the National Anthem, I started to cry. And I was not alone. This was an emotional day for everyone who was remembering what happened just 10 short years ago.
I was not nervous!!!! I was excited and couldn't wait to start. I then looked to my left and saw a big BBMC sign, but I couldn't see who was holding it through the sea of pink and green swim caps. It was Deb!!! I yelled for her and she caught my eye!! Her husband took a picture of me....it is HYSTERICAL!!
I got in the water and stayed to the right and in the back. There was a young lady that got in near me and she was clearly petrified. She asked, "Have you done this before? Where should we stay? Are you a slow swimmer?" I smiled and told her, "Yes, I am very slow, and we should stay right here!" She than said, "Will you swim with me? I'm so scared!" I felt so bad for her. I said I would try to stay with her, knowing it would be impossible. Then the cannon boomed, and I never saw her again.
I never thought I would ever say this in a million years, but I LOVED that swim! I decided early on to do something different. I was feeling so comfortable and relaxed, so I stayed in the fray and on the buoy line. Yes, I got pummeled, kicked, swam over, the whole deal....but I also got caught in the drag and just followed the bubbles. At the turn buoy's I stayed in the mess. It's a risk to do that I know. I just wanted to swim a shorter distance and use the other swimmers to help me stay straight and pull me along. When I was feeling like I was swimming in clearer water, I knew I was drifting too far to the outside. So I would swim back to the fray near the buoy's...and it was FUN!!!! After I started on the second loop, I noticed my race kit had creeped up from under my wetsuit and the zipper was scratching my neck. I tried to stop to push it back down, but then I would get pummeled. So I just kept swimming and knew I would come out with a bloody neck...AGAIN! It was keeping my mind off of my tightening calves. That is until, down the back stretch heading towards the finish, I got kicked HARD in my right leg. My right calf immediately seized up. YOUCH!!!! I flexed my right foot and dragged my legs the rest of the way in. I got out of that water and checked my watch. I was hoping for a time close to 1:45. It was 1:38!!!! I saw Mike and Rachel right away and they were so excited! I saw Kari Woodall...TRX and swim master, and I told her, "You are going to make me even faster next time!".
SWIM 2009: 1:51:12 2011: 1:38:29 My biggest improvement of the day!!! :-D
T1 2009: 14:39 2011: 11:05
On to my bike!!! I saw Matt and Steve again as they were volunteering in bike transition. These guys gave me wings ALL DAY!!! I love them to death!!
The ride was, as predicted, challenging and long, but fairly uneventful. I did have two near misses with other riders completely cutting me off. One of them sent me into a ditch, but I was going so slow I just clipped out and didn't fall! I took in Perform, water with Nuun tabs, lots of banana's, a few pretzels, and maybe 3 goo. Nowhere near enough...AGAIN!! :-( The wind picked up on the second loop and I was really feeling this on hwy G and 92 into Mount Horeb. It was full sun and getting warm, but not too bad for me. I knew I wasn't drinking enough as I only had to pee once on the bike. I didn't actually pee ON my bike, although I was willing to do that! ;-) But I did stop at the aid station in Verona and took the time to go to the porto john.
The BEST parts of that ride were seeing my family and friends at the bottom of Paul's driveway. Just like two years ago, knowing they were there gave me such an incredible mental boost. This time I took the time on my first loop to stop and give everyone a hug and tell them thanks for being there. We got a few very good pictures! Shortly after the hugs and kisses, Blake sailed by me with his support crew. I heard the cars and the 'Whoosh Whoosh' of an elites tires, and then I saw the race kit in a blur. He said, "Good job Laurie!" WHAT??? He was 1/2 mile down the road before I started screaming, "Go Blake!!" I was so surprised. He needed to be in his own head, NOT worry about acknowledging ME! What a coach! I also got to see Matt and Steve TWICE on bitch hill! They RAN next to me as I hauled ass up that hill! Then, on my least favorite hill, Midtown, I saw Jena and Dan. That hill has NEVER felt as easy as it did that day. BOTH times. That's how much that support does for you. The crowds this year were unbelievable, BOTH times through the loop!
BIKE 2009: 7:28:16 (14.99 ave) 2011: 7:18:33 (15.32 ave) To be honest, I was a bit disappointed with this time. I thought I could go a bit faster given how my training has been going and the improvements that I have made. But I was really starting to feel it at the beginning of the second loop already. I eased up on my pace to save myself for the run. Definitely more work to do in this area!
T2 2009: 10:24 2011: 6:30
The run....should be my favorite part. It has turned out, once again, to be my biggest challenge in these long events. I started out feeling much better than I did in 2009. I was really happy about this, and really feeling like I could better my time. All I needed to do was stay on course this year! ;-) At about mile 4, my stomach started to go south. It was the complete opposite of what my body usually does. I stuck to water, tried shot blocks which seem to make it worse, and I could not stomach Perform anymore. It was warm, and I was packing ice everywhere. Then I saw Blake walking and I knew he wasn't having a good run. He should have been done by then. We exchanged a few words of encouragement, and he told me he would finish. I started to tear up after I saw him. I knew how much he wanted this, and how hard he's worked not only on his training, but at the same time taking such great care of all of us. I cannot say how much this affected me mentally, but I was already not in my happy place. I needed to find a way out of that negative spiral. I remembered his advice and just focused on my form and cadence. I imagined running as if I was floating on a cloud. I imagined that it was cool and my stomach was calm. And then I called on the memory of that Friday at one of my schools. I remembered the 500 kids lined up on either side of the hallways screaming my name. I remembered that feeling of utter amazement that they would do something like this. I remembered the tears...then they came again. I thought about Sue, who should still be here. More tears. I started alternating chicken broth and Coke at every aid station. I drank ice water and did a lot of walking. I went back and forth with my stomach and my legs, which were starting to get pretty tight and grouchy. As I was running towards the 13.1 mile turn around, I saw Alex at the aid station, and Randy, who was already done! I then saw Karen and her sister Kris, who has been on a most difficult journey this year. I was so excited to see them! I said, "Stay there, I'm coming back around!". As I turned around and headed their way waving and smiling for Karen's camera, my right foot caught a crack in the pavement and down I went. I heard two things...a collective gasp from the crowd, and my brain screaming, "SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!" I felt a pain in my right ankle, left knee, and right arm. My friends came running, and so did a lady in the crowd. I looked down at the blood, but I was worried about my ankle. They helped me up and I started walking. Everything seemed ok!!! My arm and left knee were ugly, but fine, and my right ankle was just a little twingy. Good enough to keep running!! :-)
The rest of the race was pretty tough. I never got that second wind like I did in 2009. But I was looking at my watch, and barring any disasters, I knew I could finish in under 14 hours. I just tried to be patient, and run more than walk. Ironically, the last 5 miles were my fastest split. I could smell the finish line. I couldn't wait to see Matt and Steve and my family. I quit walking since everytime I started to run again I was so close to cramping up. So I shuffled and pumped my arms faster than my legs wanted to go. I heard those kids again. I saw Randy and Alex right before the turn into the finishers chute. Then I saw the finish. It was no less intense an experience then it was the first time. Matt and Steve were THERE!!! They caught me, and I was ecstatic with my time...13:45:03. My name was not called this time...I came in with 4 or 5 others, but I didn't care. I am an Ironman x 2!!!!!!!
RUN 2009: 4:30:14 (10:18 ave) 2011: 4:30:26 (10:19 ave)
Matt and Steve helped me get all of my bling. Then I talked with Matt for awhile, and tried to breath as he kept squeezing the life out of me! I found Mike, Rachel, Robyn, Robyn's Matt, Brian, Ole, Deb, Lois, Dori, and Jen waiting for me. I was already starting to feel sick. UGH!! I give everyone quick hugs and thank you's, then told everyone I needed to keep walking! Mike had my chocolate milk for me, but I couldn't choke it down. I was going down in a hurry.
Everyone left as Mike, the girls, and Matt tried getting me to the truck. Mike had thankfully gotten my bike and bags already so they were in the truck. That 3 block walk took a very long time! I was upset and angry. I wanted to wait to see Sasha finish! :-( I sat down on a curb with my head between my legs, just wishing I could throw up. It just wouldn't come out. We finally made it too the truck, and I rode all the way home with my head between my knees. By the time we got home, I was shaking so hard and ready to pass out. Mike put me on the bathroom floor and I lay there with my feet propped up on the toilet. Very classy!!! I promise there are NO pictured of that moment! :-) 15 minutes or so and that's all I needed. I was able to get up and shower, and finally eat and drink a bit before going to bed...AFTER I saw that Sasha had finished!!! :-)))))
There are so many people to thank, I don't know where to start. To my school family...no matter how many of these things I do, you are ALWAYS excited and supportive! I have a room full of EVERY piece of artwork, cards, notes, pictures, banners...I will save them all! To Team BBMC and Coach Blake...not only did you get me here and help me to have the BEST, most FUN season ever, you have now become part of my family. To Susan and Carl, Katie, JP, Randy K, Lisa, Brian, Dana, Tatum and Tess, Ole, Cheryl, Paul, Rhonda, Rob M., Cindi B., Beth Krause, Linda B, Karen and Kris, Kim and her beautiful daughter Jacey, and many others who were on the course cheering for me...thank you ALL so much for being there!!!!
To my sweet sister Michelle, who couldn't be there due to illness, thank you for all of the love. To Amanda...thank you for taking care of the pugs!! To Bill and Leigh, I cannot ever thank you enough for taking such great care of the horses during all of this!
To my Mom and Tom, Lian, and UB....you inspire me so much with the changes you have made, and your love and support mean the world to me.
Finally, there is NO WAY I could do this without Mike and the girls. Simply no way. Mike has always said that his mission in life is to make me happy. When I talk about this journey I am on, it is he who is building the road. For almost 30 years he has been building this road. Yes, there have been a few bumps, and there will be more to come, but we are always on it together. I love you with all of my heart.
Next up...Devils Lake Triathlon tomorrow...Team BBMC volunteering. Then in one week....it's PARTY TIME with the end of the season party held here at the farm. WHOO HOO!!!!
Enjoy this day!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Living on the edge.
You know you are fatigued when:
1: You can't remember your own name or what day it is. (ok...this is a bit dramatic and an attempt to grab one's attention, but it is at least partially true! ;-))
2: You put the peanut butter in the fridge and the mayo in the cabinet...and YES I was eating them at the same time!! :-O
3: You show your sister the shirt and sweater you bought....forgetting that she was shopping with you and HELPED you chose that combination.
4: You wake up after sleeping 8 hours and could easily sleep another 8.
5: Your heart rate climbs to 150 just walking up the stairs.
6: Your shoulders and lungs scream after one minute of holding a towel over your head while running to your car in the pouring rain after guppy class. No way would you remember to bring your umbrella!!
These recent occurrences are true and accurate...except perhaps for number one...and are the result of a very well-lived weekend. It started with a long swim set in the pool on Friday morning. I felt like crap the entire time and 4200 meters took FOREVER! I worked for a few hours after that, then went to see Gregory, my deep tissue massage guru. I usually schedule his torture session the day before a recovery day, since it takes me about two days to recover from his muscle, tendon, and ligament manipulations. My goal during those sessions is to not outwardly sob! He is fabulous!! Since this session was scheduled the day before the 112 mile ride, I asked him to go easy on me. Bless his heart, he really tried. I only teared up and sniffled once! ;-)
I got to the Monona Terrace at 6:30 am the next morning. My very good friend Brian, who is not a triathlete but a really good cyclist, agreed to ride the entire 112 with me at my pace, which of course is quite a bit slower than his own. We would be starting out with the team and riding with them for however long it took for everyone to go their own speed. We knew there were storms coming, and sure enough, by 7 am they hit. Looking at the radar on everyone's smart phone, (I really need to get out of the stone age and get me one of those!! :-O), it was looking like we had at least one to two hours before it all cleared out. I got a little stressed out, and I had a decision to make. My sis and I had a train to catch out of Milwaukee at 7:40 that night. I was calculating in my head how much time this ride was going to take, and depending on when we started, when I would be finished. I was out of time. I considered doing it another day, but there really was no other day that worked. How horrible would it be if I cut the ride short? Physically, probably not the end of the world. Mentally...horrible.
I called my sweet sister and we decided to forgo the train, take a hit on the already purchased tickets, and just drive to Chicago. WHEW!
For the most part the ride went well! The weather was PERFECT after the storms came through. It took a while to get into a rhythm as I had to keep stopping to pee...thanks to Blake and his surprise gift of Starbucks coffee for everyone waiting to ride, aka "heaven in a cup", and the little issue with my hubby trying to ride a loop of the course for the first time. That is a story for another day. I am very happy to say...he didn't die, we only lost him once, and I am positive he will never celebrate his birthday in that way ever again! :-)
The last 40 miles were the best. We got into a steady rhythm and it felt great! The second half of that ride was faster than the first, and I was very happy. Brian was amazing! He was cramping up during the last 10 miles and I felt so bad for him. He didn't complain, he just kept pushing. At one point he did say, "I cannot imagine running 26 miles after this. That is F*#@ing crazy!!!" I told him I could imagine it, but was very happy to NOT be doing it on that day. :-) The 15 minute run after, however, felt pretty damned good...YEAH!
The 2+ hour car ride to Chicago did not feel so good, but I wore my pink compression socks with my bright blue Boston Marathon sandals, so I LOOKED good anyway. Everyone at the hotel must have thought so and I caught more than a few people staring! ;-)
The next morning I ran two hours on the Lake Shore path and around the park. Again, the weather was perfect, and it goes without saying that the surroundings were really cool! The first hour of the run felt terrible, but the next hour felt better. Yet another promising sign that the hard work is paying off!
In retrospect, the physical activities that were involved with Sunday night's Incubus concert was probably not the best recovery plan. Our tickets were general admission so we could get as close as possible to the band. I obviously did not think this through. The music of Incubus, while pretty alternative in the beginning years, has really evolved into something a bit more mellow. As we were standing in the crowd before the concert started, I realized that this was going to get interesting. I was very surprised at how young everyone was. I saw very few people my age, and most were in their teens and 20's. Hmmmm....should we move from where we were standing, which was right up near the front and in the center...the perfect place for the moshing? Do people even do that anymore? I've been to concerts that have had a mosh pit, but it had been years and we always either had seats or stayed to the side.
We stayed where we were. The music started and all was good for awhile. Then the band did certain songs that created, shall we say, some energy in the crowd, and we started to get pushed and shoved. I was worried about my sis and her bad back, so I had her stand in front of me while I pushed all the half-naked, stoned fans, (did I mention the cloud of pot that was EVERYWHERE??), off of us. I got stubborn and cocky. "I am and Ironman for crying out loud! Doesn't matter that I'm older than some of your Mothers and more than a little tired from that little bit of riding and running I did! This is good training for the IM swim start! I CAN keep you off of us and ENJOY the music at the same time!!" Reality is a B*@&h! It just got too crazy, and in one brief moment a little scary. A really cool guy helped us out of there and we moved off to the side. We didn't have to move very far, and the moshing quit after awhile. All that being said, the concert was amazing! We had a great time and met a few very nice kids...some who were younger than my own. SIGH!
Tuesday tired came roaring in on Monday, as anticipated. Today is Wednesday and it is still there. I feel like my body is trying to fight off a virus, but today I'm at least feeling better than yesterday. I think I will win this fight! After a much needed day off from training on Monday, the workouts continue. Tonight I have another date with "the hill" during the team ride. That should feel...well...we'll see! ;-)
I was reminded this morning while reading Sasha's status on FB...18 more days. It's taper time!!!
Enjoy this day!
1: You can't remember your own name or what day it is. (ok...this is a bit dramatic and an attempt to grab one's attention, but it is at least partially true! ;-))
2: You put the peanut butter in the fridge and the mayo in the cabinet...and YES I was eating them at the same time!! :-O
3: You show your sister the shirt and sweater you bought....forgetting that she was shopping with you and HELPED you chose that combination.
4: You wake up after sleeping 8 hours and could easily sleep another 8.
5: Your heart rate climbs to 150 just walking up the stairs.
6: Your shoulders and lungs scream after one minute of holding a towel over your head while running to your car in the pouring rain after guppy class. No way would you remember to bring your umbrella!!
These recent occurrences are true and accurate...except perhaps for number one...and are the result of a very well-lived weekend. It started with a long swim set in the pool on Friday morning. I felt like crap the entire time and 4200 meters took FOREVER! I worked for a few hours after that, then went to see Gregory, my deep tissue massage guru. I usually schedule his torture session the day before a recovery day, since it takes me about two days to recover from his muscle, tendon, and ligament manipulations. My goal during those sessions is to not outwardly sob! He is fabulous!! Since this session was scheduled the day before the 112 mile ride, I asked him to go easy on me. Bless his heart, he really tried. I only teared up and sniffled once! ;-)
I got to the Monona Terrace at 6:30 am the next morning. My very good friend Brian, who is not a triathlete but a really good cyclist, agreed to ride the entire 112 with me at my pace, which of course is quite a bit slower than his own. We would be starting out with the team and riding with them for however long it took for everyone to go their own speed. We knew there were storms coming, and sure enough, by 7 am they hit. Looking at the radar on everyone's smart phone, (I really need to get out of the stone age and get me one of those!! :-O), it was looking like we had at least one to two hours before it all cleared out. I got a little stressed out, and I had a decision to make. My sis and I had a train to catch out of Milwaukee at 7:40 that night. I was calculating in my head how much time this ride was going to take, and depending on when we started, when I would be finished. I was out of time. I considered doing it another day, but there really was no other day that worked. How horrible would it be if I cut the ride short? Physically, probably not the end of the world. Mentally...horrible.
I called my sweet sister and we decided to forgo the train, take a hit on the already purchased tickets, and just drive to Chicago. WHEW!
For the most part the ride went well! The weather was PERFECT after the storms came through. It took a while to get into a rhythm as I had to keep stopping to pee...thanks to Blake and his surprise gift of Starbucks coffee for everyone waiting to ride, aka "heaven in a cup", and the little issue with my hubby trying to ride a loop of the course for the first time. That is a story for another day. I am very happy to say...he didn't die, we only lost him once, and I am positive he will never celebrate his birthday in that way ever again! :-)
The last 40 miles were the best. We got into a steady rhythm and it felt great! The second half of that ride was faster than the first, and I was very happy. Brian was amazing! He was cramping up during the last 10 miles and I felt so bad for him. He didn't complain, he just kept pushing. At one point he did say, "I cannot imagine running 26 miles after this. That is F*#@ing crazy!!!" I told him I could imagine it, but was very happy to NOT be doing it on that day. :-) The 15 minute run after, however, felt pretty damned good...YEAH!
The 2+ hour car ride to Chicago did not feel so good, but I wore my pink compression socks with my bright blue Boston Marathon sandals, so I LOOKED good anyway. Everyone at the hotel must have thought so and I caught more than a few people staring! ;-)
The next morning I ran two hours on the Lake Shore path and around the park. Again, the weather was perfect, and it goes without saying that the surroundings were really cool! The first hour of the run felt terrible, but the next hour felt better. Yet another promising sign that the hard work is paying off!
In retrospect, the physical activities that were involved with Sunday night's Incubus concert was probably not the best recovery plan. Our tickets were general admission so we could get as close as possible to the band. I obviously did not think this through. The music of Incubus, while pretty alternative in the beginning years, has really evolved into something a bit more mellow. As we were standing in the crowd before the concert started, I realized that this was going to get interesting. I was very surprised at how young everyone was. I saw very few people my age, and most were in their teens and 20's. Hmmmm....should we move from where we were standing, which was right up near the front and in the center...the perfect place for the moshing? Do people even do that anymore? I've been to concerts that have had a mosh pit, but it had been years and we always either had seats or stayed to the side.
We stayed where we were. The music started and all was good for awhile. Then the band did certain songs that created, shall we say, some energy in the crowd, and we started to get pushed and shoved. I was worried about my sis and her bad back, so I had her stand in front of me while I pushed all the half-naked, stoned fans, (did I mention the cloud of pot that was EVERYWHERE??), off of us. I got stubborn and cocky. "I am and Ironman for crying out loud! Doesn't matter that I'm older than some of your Mothers and more than a little tired from that little bit of riding and running I did! This is good training for the IM swim start! I CAN keep you off of us and ENJOY the music at the same time!!" Reality is a B*@&h! It just got too crazy, and in one brief moment a little scary. A really cool guy helped us out of there and we moved off to the side. We didn't have to move very far, and the moshing quit after awhile. All that being said, the concert was amazing! We had a great time and met a few very nice kids...some who were younger than my own. SIGH!
Tuesday tired came roaring in on Monday, as anticipated. Today is Wednesday and it is still there. I feel like my body is trying to fight off a virus, but today I'm at least feeling better than yesterday. I think I will win this fight! After a much needed day off from training on Monday, the workouts continue. Tonight I have another date with "the hill" during the team ride. That should feel...well...we'll see! ;-)
I was reminded this morning while reading Sasha's status on FB...18 more days. It's taper time!!!
Enjoy this day!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The countdown begins!
Less than four weeks now. IM brain has taken over and training plans and race day visualizations have occupied about 70% of my thoughts. This is unfortunate for all those around me, (except for members of the team who understand! ;-), and for the new school nurse who started her orientation with me today. The first thing I did was apologize for smelling like a fish after this mornings lake swim...with no time to shower before we met...and for my future spaciness and possible lack of focus. I assured her that I will do my best to stay in the moment at school and keep her and my students a priority while I am there. I was so relieved after working with her today. She is awesome! She totally understood, and since she is actually a SCHOOL NURSE that knows her stuff, she is going to fit right in very quickly and easily. I just pray she stays longer than a few months!! At least she didn't seem overly offended with my moldy lake smell! ;-)
This week is my peak week of training. If I get through this I should be good to go! This past weekend I focused on my run. Saturday's run was a one hour brick after a 4 hour ride, (Indoors due to the thick fog!! :-(), and that run felt soooooo good! It is amazing what a difference cooler weather can make when you have been used to running in 80 to 90 degrees! Sunday morning's run was a bit tougher, mostly because my hips and pelvis were already sore to start out. I had run 5 on my own, then Susan met me for the last 15...which ended up being 16 due to a miscalculation. Now, of course we could have walked that extra mile back to our cars, but after nearly 10 years of running with Susan, I knew this would not happen. We are always rounding up, adding time, adding distance. It's what we do, we are never satisfied with less. We are so compatible that way. She runs faster than I do, but she is so patient with me. She makes me push just a tad harder without putting me over the edge. The miles and time fly by with her. She is such a gift to me!
After that run, I could hardly walk. It's something I've gotten used to dealing with on Sundays, but it's been a bit worse that last two weeks. It really flared up during training camp,(and that experience is worthy of it's own blog post...but in a word...it was AWESOME!!) My plan called for a swim in the afternoon. The LAST thing I wanted to do was go to the gym and swim. I know that I feel so much better when I do...I just didn't want to!! (Insert whiny voice here!! ;-)) I just happened to read an e-mail from my teammate Matt, and what he said gave me the push I needed. So to the gym I went. And it felt unbelievably awesome! It was one of those moments in training when everything feels so right and you could go forever. I have no idea why, after 21 miles of running it felt like that, but it did. Another gift! :-)
That feeling carried over into yesterday when 90 minutes easy on the bike felt like heaven! Today is a very different day. I've learned to accept that Tuesdays are my challenge. I call it, "Tired Tuesday". It is definitely a pattern that has developed over the past several weeks, and I've learned to try and anticipate it and plan for it. Today, however, I had the opportunity to swim this morning in Lake Monona with Sasha, and Rock Star Randy was going to accompany us on Sasha's paddle board. It was an absolutely perfect morning! The lake was calm, the water temp was perfect, and I just LOVE swimming in front of the Terrace. Unfortunately the great feeling I had in the water on Sunday did NOT carry over to today. But it's ok! It will be there when I need it to be. And despite this, I completely enjoyed being out there.
The rest of the weeks training will include a long swim on Friday, and....GULP....riding the full 112 mile IM course on Saturday. Right after the ride is done, my sister and I will be hopping the train to Chicago for something COMPLETELY different! We are going to the Incubus concert on Sunday night!!! I will get to run two hours Sunday morning by the Lakefront in Chicago...another new experience for me! I do anticipate, however, that my next "Tired Tuesday" will be starting next Monday!!! ;-)
Almost there...:-)
Enjoy this day! :-D
This week is my peak week of training. If I get through this I should be good to go! This past weekend I focused on my run. Saturday's run was a one hour brick after a 4 hour ride, (Indoors due to the thick fog!! :-(), and that run felt soooooo good! It is amazing what a difference cooler weather can make when you have been used to running in 80 to 90 degrees! Sunday morning's run was a bit tougher, mostly because my hips and pelvis were already sore to start out. I had run 5 on my own, then Susan met me for the last 15...which ended up being 16 due to a miscalculation. Now, of course we could have walked that extra mile back to our cars, but after nearly 10 years of running with Susan, I knew this would not happen. We are always rounding up, adding time, adding distance. It's what we do, we are never satisfied with less. We are so compatible that way. She runs faster than I do, but she is so patient with me. She makes me push just a tad harder without putting me over the edge. The miles and time fly by with her. She is such a gift to me!
After that run, I could hardly walk. It's something I've gotten used to dealing with on Sundays, but it's been a bit worse that last two weeks. It really flared up during training camp,(and that experience is worthy of it's own blog post...but in a word...it was AWESOME!!) My plan called for a swim in the afternoon. The LAST thing I wanted to do was go to the gym and swim. I know that I feel so much better when I do...I just didn't want to!! (Insert whiny voice here!! ;-)) I just happened to read an e-mail from my teammate Matt, and what he said gave me the push I needed. So to the gym I went. And it felt unbelievably awesome! It was one of those moments in training when everything feels so right and you could go forever. I have no idea why, after 21 miles of running it felt like that, but it did. Another gift! :-)
That feeling carried over into yesterday when 90 minutes easy on the bike felt like heaven! Today is a very different day. I've learned to accept that Tuesdays are my challenge. I call it, "Tired Tuesday". It is definitely a pattern that has developed over the past several weeks, and I've learned to try and anticipate it and plan for it. Today, however, I had the opportunity to swim this morning in Lake Monona with Sasha, and Rock Star Randy was going to accompany us on Sasha's paddle board. It was an absolutely perfect morning! The lake was calm, the water temp was perfect, and I just LOVE swimming in front of the Terrace. Unfortunately the great feeling I had in the water on Sunday did NOT carry over to today. But it's ok! It will be there when I need it to be. And despite this, I completely enjoyed being out there.
The rest of the weeks training will include a long swim on Friday, and....GULP....riding the full 112 mile IM course on Saturday. Right after the ride is done, my sister and I will be hopping the train to Chicago for something COMPLETELY different! We are going to the Incubus concert on Sunday night!!! I will get to run two hours Sunday morning by the Lakefront in Chicago...another new experience for me! I do anticipate, however, that my next "Tired Tuesday" will be starting next Monday!!! ;-)
Almost there...:-)
Enjoy this day! :-D
Thursday, August 4, 2011
"I get to"
Although I tell myself these words so much that it has become a subconscious thought, I cannot take credit for their meaning. This phrase comes from Kristin Armstrong who writes for Runners World and who's blog I adore. Several months ago she wrote a blog entry in which she reminds us that whatever challenges we are facing, we need to remember to be grateful for the journey despite the discomfort. I have really struggled with this lately.
In the past few weeks, I have experienced many highs and lows. The emotional swinging threatens to make me feel numb in defense. I am fighting this creeping numbness because I want to feel every bit of it. I am fighting the fatigue, the pain, the discomfort...because I get to. Not feeling is a choice that I still have the ability to make. And for me, this is not an option. I need to feel.
My friend died earlier this week after battling cancer for over two years. The past two weeks for her and for those who loved her, were pure Hell. She endured more than anyone should ever have to, and she had very little choice. In triathlon, especially in the phase I am now in while training for an Ironman, there is much discomfort. Not only physical, but also in the uncomfortable decisions and sacrifice that we make so we can train and race to the best of our ability. We sometimes COMPLAIN, (some more than others...;-))about how painful it is. We triathletes love telling our war stories. It's how we relate to each other. We have a love/hate relationship with the pain. It's part of this life that we so love. And it is completely our choice.
Three weeks ago, Team BBMC headed to Door County for a weekend of triathlon. It was my first experience with total tri immersion with the team and I LOVED every bit of it...that is until the run during the half IM. I have not written a race report yet, since it seemed so frivolous to do so in light of everything that happened, starting with a phone call the night after the race. So here is a summary of the race....IT WAS HOT!! 95 degrees with dew points in the 70's, heat index of 106...and full sun. Pretty similar conditions to last summers Pigman HIM, but more wind for the ride, and a hillier run course. (2 HUGE hills!! :-O) The swim felt pretty good despite the choppy water. I was in the very last wave, which made my start time about an hour after the actual start of the race....and into the throes of the heat of the day sooner. BUT....no getting swum over by the faster guys! :-) The bike felt GREAT, and the run/walk was awful. Somehow I still managed to run a 2:10 half...which I could not believe with all of the walking that I did. Overall, I was VERY happy with how my body held up under those conditions. My nutrition was spot on until the second half of the run, but this is not surprising given the heat. I ended up 9th in my AG in which only 2 minutes separated number 6,7,8,and 9. That two minutes I could have made up if I had not had to battle someones bike on a TRAINER that was in my spot in transition during T2! :-( The truth is, I let that rattle me, and it proved yet again how much work I still need to do between the ears. I also need to work on becoming mentally stronger during the last few painful miles. Again...this is a choice.
New for me too, was the experience of having Mike out on the run course on his bike! He was riding with Blake who was checking up on all of the athletes. It was such a boost to see them at mile two, and Mike again at mile 10. Ironically, those were the miles that I felt the worst!! I found my legs at around mile 4, and miles 4-9 were BETTER anyway. If I would have seen them then, I could have at least FAKED a smile! ;-) But I have to say the BEST part of that run was seeing my teammates. We were ALL struggling!(Except for Matt....ROCK STAR RUNNER!!! :-))To see everyone in their team BBMC race kits, all supporting one another was just awesome. Also, I cannot say enough about the volunteers, local citizens, and race director for taking such AMAZING care of all of the athletes during this race. There was NEVER a shortage of ice, water, sprinklers, hoses, and cheering. They were incredible and it was a very tough day for them as well. I will do this race again, and HIGHLY recommend it!!
The phone call at 10 that night was from Robyn. She and her long time boyfriend had just broken up, and she was devastated. The next day, the phone call was from my friend who said that our friend Sue had taken an abrupt turn for the worse. Checking my emails upon our arrival home I was reminded that I need to schedule a trip to the HHT center in St. Lois for another cerebral angiogram to evaluate the newly discovered AVM's in my brain and spinal cord. Robyn needs to go as well. (I told them AFTER IMOO!!!!) Then the call later that night from my Mom to tell me my step-dad is in the hospital with severe abdominal pain.
Three weeks of ups, downs, twists, turns, and flips. There is even our yearly week at the cabin in the mix, which gratefully, really got to happen. I continue to tell myself, "I get to" At Sue's wake yesterday, there were pictures depicting her life everywhere, and family and friends gathered to share their stories and memories. As I looked at the pictures of all of us on our Vegas trip, my thought was, "We got to....together".
RIP my friend. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with your family, friends, and your students. You are loved and will be missed tremendously.
To honor Sue, and all of those who have gone before us...enjoy this day.
In the past few weeks, I have experienced many highs and lows. The emotional swinging threatens to make me feel numb in defense. I am fighting this creeping numbness because I want to feel every bit of it. I am fighting the fatigue, the pain, the discomfort...because I get to. Not feeling is a choice that I still have the ability to make. And for me, this is not an option. I need to feel.
My friend died earlier this week after battling cancer for over two years. The past two weeks for her and for those who loved her, were pure Hell. She endured more than anyone should ever have to, and she had very little choice. In triathlon, especially in the phase I am now in while training for an Ironman, there is much discomfort. Not only physical, but also in the uncomfortable decisions and sacrifice that we make so we can train and race to the best of our ability. We sometimes COMPLAIN, (some more than others...;-))about how painful it is. We triathletes love telling our war stories. It's how we relate to each other. We have a love/hate relationship with the pain. It's part of this life that we so love. And it is completely our choice.
Three weeks ago, Team BBMC headed to Door County for a weekend of triathlon. It was my first experience with total tri immersion with the team and I LOVED every bit of it...that is until the run during the half IM. I have not written a race report yet, since it seemed so frivolous to do so in light of everything that happened, starting with a phone call the night after the race. So here is a summary of the race....IT WAS HOT!! 95 degrees with dew points in the 70's, heat index of 106...and full sun. Pretty similar conditions to last summers Pigman HIM, but more wind for the ride, and a hillier run course. (2 HUGE hills!! :-O) The swim felt pretty good despite the choppy water. I was in the very last wave, which made my start time about an hour after the actual start of the race....and into the throes of the heat of the day sooner. BUT....no getting swum over by the faster guys! :-) The bike felt GREAT, and the run/walk was awful. Somehow I still managed to run a 2:10 half...which I could not believe with all of the walking that I did. Overall, I was VERY happy with how my body held up under those conditions. My nutrition was spot on until the second half of the run, but this is not surprising given the heat. I ended up 9th in my AG in which only 2 minutes separated number 6,7,8,and 9. That two minutes I could have made up if I had not had to battle someones bike on a TRAINER that was in my spot in transition during T2! :-( The truth is, I let that rattle me, and it proved yet again how much work I still need to do between the ears. I also need to work on becoming mentally stronger during the last few painful miles. Again...this is a choice.
New for me too, was the experience of having Mike out on the run course on his bike! He was riding with Blake who was checking up on all of the athletes. It was such a boost to see them at mile two, and Mike again at mile 10. Ironically, those were the miles that I felt the worst!! I found my legs at around mile 4, and miles 4-9 were BETTER anyway. If I would have seen them then, I could have at least FAKED a smile! ;-) But I have to say the BEST part of that run was seeing my teammates. We were ALL struggling!(Except for Matt....ROCK STAR RUNNER!!! :-))To see everyone in their team BBMC race kits, all supporting one another was just awesome. Also, I cannot say enough about the volunteers, local citizens, and race director for taking such AMAZING care of all of the athletes during this race. There was NEVER a shortage of ice, water, sprinklers, hoses, and cheering. They were incredible and it was a very tough day for them as well. I will do this race again, and HIGHLY recommend it!!
The phone call at 10 that night was from Robyn. She and her long time boyfriend had just broken up, and she was devastated. The next day, the phone call was from my friend who said that our friend Sue had taken an abrupt turn for the worse. Checking my emails upon our arrival home I was reminded that I need to schedule a trip to the HHT center in St. Lois for another cerebral angiogram to evaluate the newly discovered AVM's in my brain and spinal cord. Robyn needs to go as well. (I told them AFTER IMOO!!!!) Then the call later that night from my Mom to tell me my step-dad is in the hospital with severe abdominal pain.
Three weeks of ups, downs, twists, turns, and flips. There is even our yearly week at the cabin in the mix, which gratefully, really got to happen. I continue to tell myself, "I get to" At Sue's wake yesterday, there were pictures depicting her life everywhere, and family and friends gathered to share their stories and memories. As I looked at the pictures of all of us on our Vegas trip, my thought was, "We got to....together".
RIP my friend. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with your family, friends, and your students. You are loved and will be missed tremendously.
To honor Sue, and all of those who have gone before us...enjoy this day.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Another "First"
Two weekends of racing in a row. My body and I have never visited that place before, and I'm trying very hard to curb my apprehension. I think my mind finally let the up-coming half-iron distance race on Sunday become real for me. Up until now, it's been out there, it's penned in on my calender, all the preparations have been made, and yet I didn't really feel it. I do now. I'm excited, nervous, and VERY curious to see how my body will respond. I can't even begin to guess how it will go.
My birthday "Pardee" was really fun! The race itself went pretty well overall, and I somehow managed to come away with a 3rd place finish in my NEW age group, just 10 seconds behind second place! Again, I was so surprised, especially given my time in the swim. I thought I was capable of getting into the top 5, but a long shot for top 3. So my goal for the race was to just better my swim from last year. I was SLOWER! UGH!!!! The conditions for the race almost mirrored last year except that it was a bit breezier. I've never worn a wet suit for this race, and again the water was perfect!
These are my times:
Swim 2010: 10:39 / 2011: 10:57 (grrrrr....!!!)
T1 2:55 / 2:00 (NO SOCKS!! ;-))
Bike 45:28 / 46:26 (Did not start to feel good until mile 10)
T2 2:02 / 2:19 (It would help if I knew where my spot was...GRRRR!)
Run: 23:58 / 23:40 (I LOVE how good the run feels, during races anyway!)
Finishing time 1:25:00 / 1:25:22
There are so many variables to consider when comparing yourself from one similar event to another. We are never the same in any given moment. So again, how do you measure success? My goal for this race was to better my swim time from last year. I did not meet that goal. Was it a successful race for me? YES! I got to the starting line, and I finished the race. Success! Was I disappointed in certain aspects of the race? You bet. There are always improvements to be made. Indeed, that's one of the things I love the most about this sport. The challenge to improve and adapt. These improvements and changes are not always physical, and not always apparent when you look at things too closely. Take a step back...and look again. I was tired coming into this race as it was at the end of a tough block of training. I am training for Ironman this year, I was not last year. There are a few health issues I'm dealing with and my body is responding differently to the training this year. I AM one year older!! So from that perspective, I am VERY happy about my day in Pardeeville!! :-)
Yes, there was cake and celebration after the race. Team BBMC did very well and took home more AG awards! :-) I saw many friends and familiar faces as I get to know more and more people involved in the local triathlon scene. How is it possible that I get to live this amazing life?
I was telling myself, "I get to...I get to" quite a bit during that afternoon's four hour ride. Again, it was crazy how hard it felt. I was windy and hot, and I was depleted from the race. I just tried to take it easy and drink, drink, drink! One bright spot during that ride was when I was passed by a fellow rider. I noticed his body was marked with his race number on his left arm, and his wave number on his left calf. I yelled, "Hey, did you just do Pardeeville?" He slowed down to meet me and said, "Yes. Did you?"
"Yes! How did it go for you? Did you ride here from there?"
"Yep! It went ok. Are you riding long too?"
"Yes, but I drove back home first. Where are you riding to?"
"I live on the west side of Madison, but I may ride a bit farther"
"Wow! Are you training for Ironman?"
"Yes, this will be my 10th IM Wisconsin. How about you?"
I didn't say anything for a few moments. 10??????? He hinted that he's done a few others. I think he said he was 50 something. Wow! I said, "Yes, but it's only my second." He said good luck and that it was nice meeting me. He then turned left and rode off.
That random meeting gave me the energy I needed to finish my ride.
Later I thought about the fact that I said, "only my second". I reminded myself how lucky I was that there was even a "First". I reminded myself that there are no guarantees that there will be a second. But on this day, I had a great race, finished a tough ride...and lived to see another birthday. And there it was again, that feeling of gratitude.
Next up....Door County with Team BBMC!!! Bring it!!
Enjoy this day!
My birthday "Pardee" was really fun! The race itself went pretty well overall, and I somehow managed to come away with a 3rd place finish in my NEW age group, just 10 seconds behind second place! Again, I was so surprised, especially given my time in the swim. I thought I was capable of getting into the top 5, but a long shot for top 3. So my goal for the race was to just better my swim from last year. I was SLOWER! UGH!!!! The conditions for the race almost mirrored last year except that it was a bit breezier. I've never worn a wet suit for this race, and again the water was perfect!
These are my times:
Swim 2010: 10:39 / 2011: 10:57 (grrrrr....!!!)
T1 2:55 / 2:00 (NO SOCKS!! ;-))
Bike 45:28 / 46:26 (Did not start to feel good until mile 10)
T2 2:02 / 2:19 (It would help if I knew where my spot was...GRRRR!)
Run: 23:58 / 23:40 (I LOVE how good the run feels, during races anyway!)
Finishing time 1:25:00 / 1:25:22
There are so many variables to consider when comparing yourself from one similar event to another. We are never the same in any given moment. So again, how do you measure success? My goal for this race was to better my swim time from last year. I did not meet that goal. Was it a successful race for me? YES! I got to the starting line, and I finished the race. Success! Was I disappointed in certain aspects of the race? You bet. There are always improvements to be made. Indeed, that's one of the things I love the most about this sport. The challenge to improve and adapt. These improvements and changes are not always physical, and not always apparent when you look at things too closely. Take a step back...and look again. I was tired coming into this race as it was at the end of a tough block of training. I am training for Ironman this year, I was not last year. There are a few health issues I'm dealing with and my body is responding differently to the training this year. I AM one year older!! So from that perspective, I am VERY happy about my day in Pardeeville!! :-)
Yes, there was cake and celebration after the race. Team BBMC did very well and took home more AG awards! :-) I saw many friends and familiar faces as I get to know more and more people involved in the local triathlon scene. How is it possible that I get to live this amazing life?
I was telling myself, "I get to...I get to" quite a bit during that afternoon's four hour ride. Again, it was crazy how hard it felt. I was windy and hot, and I was depleted from the race. I just tried to take it easy and drink, drink, drink! One bright spot during that ride was when I was passed by a fellow rider. I noticed his body was marked with his race number on his left arm, and his wave number on his left calf. I yelled, "Hey, did you just do Pardeeville?" He slowed down to meet me and said, "Yes. Did you?"
"Yes! How did it go for you? Did you ride here from there?"
"Yep! It went ok. Are you riding long too?"
"Yes, but I drove back home first. Where are you riding to?"
"I live on the west side of Madison, but I may ride a bit farther"
"Wow! Are you training for Ironman?"
"Yes, this will be my 10th IM Wisconsin. How about you?"
I didn't say anything for a few moments. 10??????? He hinted that he's done a few others. I think he said he was 50 something. Wow! I said, "Yes, but it's only my second." He said good luck and that it was nice meeting me. He then turned left and rode off.
That random meeting gave me the energy I needed to finish my ride.
Later I thought about the fact that I said, "only my second". I reminded myself how lucky I was that there was even a "First". I reminded myself that there are no guarantees that there will be a second. But on this day, I had a great race, finished a tough ride...and lived to see another birthday. And there it was again, that feeling of gratitude.
Next up....Door County with Team BBMC!!! Bring it!!
Enjoy this day!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Flame out
Happy 4th of July! It's the middle of summer already...unbelievable. The weather for about the past 9 days has been hot, humid and breezy. I'm loving it!! Well, mostly.
Monday was my first day off of training for over a week, and I really needed it. I was recovering not only from the recent two plus week push and it's ensuing flame out, but from a rare night of celebration and indulgence. More on that in a bit!
My workouts last week were going pretty well. I really tried to push the swim volume. Thursday night's fun team sprint was, indeed, FUN! We did a 300 meter swim in the weed jungle known as Lake Wingra...YUCK! Then on the bike for a 10k ride through the Arb, then a 2k run. That silly little swim was HARD!! UGH...will I ever get better? Swimming through those thick weeds did not help. I felt pretty good on the bike and run. I felt even better after while eating Debby's fabulous cake!!! ;-)
Friday, which is my usual day off, called for a long set in the pool. All felt fine, and I tried to mentally prepare for Saturdays long ride of 4 1/2 hours and 30 minute transition run. I wanted to ride at least 70 miles. Sunday would be another 2 hour run.
The ride started out great! I felt good, and the weather was cloudy and low 70's. It was pretty breezy from the north, so I did my usual loops which head north first before I turn around a ride south. I was looking forward to a nice tailwind!
Of course, the winds died down a bit during the last 2 hours, so I lost the benefit of the tailwind. The clouds disappeared and it got pretty warm. I was loving it...or so I thought? I really tried SO hard to keep up with my nutrition and fluids, taking in more than I ever have. But by the last hour, my stomach was starting to go south. I was annoyed. Why does this keep happening? I even peed twice on the ride, so I felt like I was staying hydrated. When I got off the bike and began to run, I realized it would be a long 30 minutes. The nausea and pain in my stomach were pretty bad, and I felt hot. I didn't have a headache or dizziness, so I just went with it. I took walk breaks and sipped gatoraid. When I was done, I was pretty close to throwing up. I just wish I could have! The pain in my stomach was horrible.
I got in the house and headed for the shower to cool off. While standing in the shower, I started to feel light-headed and dizzy, then the blackness on the edges of my peripheral vision. I thought, "Oh boy, I am going DOWN!". I got out of the shower and immediately lied down on the floor. After a few minutes, I got up to get my cell phone, and the walls started closing in again. Back down on the floor. I was alone since Mike was up at the cabin. I started thinking about what I was going to do if I didn't turn this around. I was assessing my symptoms, trying to determine if what I was experiencing had anything to do with the funky vessels in my head. I've only ever felt this way one other time, when I had my aneurysm. I was pretty confident that this was just a case of heat exhaustion. There was NO pain in my head at all, just my damned stomach!
Mike called at that very moment. I told him what was happening. He stayed with me on the phone until I could at least manage to get up and get some water. It took about 1/2 hour until I started to feel better. I just kept sipping water, then gatoraid. Thankfully, I managed to climb down off the ledge. WHEW!!
The rest of the day was a battle between my head and my stomach. I knew I needed to keep eating and drinking, but my stomach wasn't too happy. I just kept at it. In a few hours I was able to drive to Montello to get my Mom for our girly overnighter. She was pretty worried and a bit irritated with me. She worries that I do too much...and I just proved her right! I took her to Culvers...I even got TWO scoops of Chocolate Heath custard...and felt MUCH better! :-)
The next morning I felt fine! I headed out to the Arb with Susan, and I intended to at least try one loop with her to see how I felt. It was warm and muggy already at 8:30 am! We took it easy and even walked a bit. (The pit stops to Victor Allen's were also quite helpful! ;-))After the first loop, we met up with another friend and decided to go for round two. We continues to take it easy, and I was tired but feeling fine. After loop two, I felt good enough to run for another 15 minutes so I could make it to mile 15. When I finished, I was so relieved. That episode the day before really shook my confidence. I have been over-thinking it ever since. At our group run on Tuesday, Blake talked to all of us about nutrition and bonking. It's such an individual thing, and it can be so challenging to try and figure out not only WHAT your body needs, but HOW you get it to accept what you are putting into it during training. I'll keep working on it...we'll get it figured out! I'll just chalk this one up as one of those VERY bad days.
What my body did NOT need was the form of liquid I choose to put in it later on Sunday night! We celebrated Rachel's 22nd birthday by watching her perform two songs as, "Lady RaRa" at a variety show. It was a fund raiser for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. There were many, shall we say..."interesting" performances! ;-) But she was AMAZING!! She did one ballad by herself, then sang, "Bad Romance" with Robyn and another guy as her back-up dancers. We had so much fun! While my body may not have needed it, my "party girl" spirit....which is still in there and comes out occasionally, really needed it! :-)
Now I look forward to Saturday. It's my birthday, something at this point in my life I approach with mixed feelings. I am so grateful to be here to celebrate another one...really I am. I just wish the number would be a bit lower!! We will be celebrating at the Pardeeville Triathlon and I am so excited for this race! Not only will I be celebrating doing something I absolutely love, I will be doing it with many of my incredible teammates. AND my Mom will be there! AND there will be CAKE!! (I am bringing the cake...and I will be PURCHASING the cake. I do not cook, and there is no way I can compete with Debby! :-)) So on to the next age group I go...where the women are amazingly strong and bad-assed...and I'm very happy to do so.
Enjoy these gorgeous summer days!
Monday was my first day off of training for over a week, and I really needed it. I was recovering not only from the recent two plus week push and it's ensuing flame out, but from a rare night of celebration and indulgence. More on that in a bit!
My workouts last week were going pretty well. I really tried to push the swim volume. Thursday night's fun team sprint was, indeed, FUN! We did a 300 meter swim in the weed jungle known as Lake Wingra...YUCK! Then on the bike for a 10k ride through the Arb, then a 2k run. That silly little swim was HARD!! UGH...will I ever get better? Swimming through those thick weeds did not help. I felt pretty good on the bike and run. I felt even better after while eating Debby's fabulous cake!!! ;-)
Friday, which is my usual day off, called for a long set in the pool. All felt fine, and I tried to mentally prepare for Saturdays long ride of 4 1/2 hours and 30 minute transition run. I wanted to ride at least 70 miles. Sunday would be another 2 hour run.
The ride started out great! I felt good, and the weather was cloudy and low 70's. It was pretty breezy from the north, so I did my usual loops which head north first before I turn around a ride south. I was looking forward to a nice tailwind!
Of course, the winds died down a bit during the last 2 hours, so I lost the benefit of the tailwind. The clouds disappeared and it got pretty warm. I was loving it...or so I thought? I really tried SO hard to keep up with my nutrition and fluids, taking in more than I ever have. But by the last hour, my stomach was starting to go south. I was annoyed. Why does this keep happening? I even peed twice on the ride, so I felt like I was staying hydrated. When I got off the bike and began to run, I realized it would be a long 30 minutes. The nausea and pain in my stomach were pretty bad, and I felt hot. I didn't have a headache or dizziness, so I just went with it. I took walk breaks and sipped gatoraid. When I was done, I was pretty close to throwing up. I just wish I could have! The pain in my stomach was horrible.
I got in the house and headed for the shower to cool off. While standing in the shower, I started to feel light-headed and dizzy, then the blackness on the edges of my peripheral vision. I thought, "Oh boy, I am going DOWN!". I got out of the shower and immediately lied down on the floor. After a few minutes, I got up to get my cell phone, and the walls started closing in again. Back down on the floor. I was alone since Mike was up at the cabin. I started thinking about what I was going to do if I didn't turn this around. I was assessing my symptoms, trying to determine if what I was experiencing had anything to do with the funky vessels in my head. I've only ever felt this way one other time, when I had my aneurysm. I was pretty confident that this was just a case of heat exhaustion. There was NO pain in my head at all, just my damned stomach!
Mike called at that very moment. I told him what was happening. He stayed with me on the phone until I could at least manage to get up and get some water. It took about 1/2 hour until I started to feel better. I just kept sipping water, then gatoraid. Thankfully, I managed to climb down off the ledge. WHEW!!
The rest of the day was a battle between my head and my stomach. I knew I needed to keep eating and drinking, but my stomach wasn't too happy. I just kept at it. In a few hours I was able to drive to Montello to get my Mom for our girly overnighter. She was pretty worried and a bit irritated with me. She worries that I do too much...and I just proved her right! I took her to Culvers...I even got TWO scoops of Chocolate Heath custard...and felt MUCH better! :-)
The next morning I felt fine! I headed out to the Arb with Susan, and I intended to at least try one loop with her to see how I felt. It was warm and muggy already at 8:30 am! We took it easy and even walked a bit. (The pit stops to Victor Allen's were also quite helpful! ;-))After the first loop, we met up with another friend and decided to go for round two. We continues to take it easy, and I was tired but feeling fine. After loop two, I felt good enough to run for another 15 minutes so I could make it to mile 15. When I finished, I was so relieved. That episode the day before really shook my confidence. I have been over-thinking it ever since. At our group run on Tuesday, Blake talked to all of us about nutrition and bonking. It's such an individual thing, and it can be so challenging to try and figure out not only WHAT your body needs, but HOW you get it to accept what you are putting into it during training. I'll keep working on it...we'll get it figured out! I'll just chalk this one up as one of those VERY bad days.
What my body did NOT need was the form of liquid I choose to put in it later on Sunday night! We celebrated Rachel's 22nd birthday by watching her perform two songs as, "Lady RaRa" at a variety show. It was a fund raiser for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. There were many, shall we say..."interesting" performances! ;-) But she was AMAZING!! She did one ballad by herself, then sang, "Bad Romance" with Robyn and another guy as her back-up dancers. We had so much fun! While my body may not have needed it, my "party girl" spirit....which is still in there and comes out occasionally, really needed it! :-)
Now I look forward to Saturday. It's my birthday, something at this point in my life I approach with mixed feelings. I am so grateful to be here to celebrate another one...really I am. I just wish the number would be a bit lower!! We will be celebrating at the Pardeeville Triathlon and I am so excited for this race! Not only will I be celebrating doing something I absolutely love, I will be doing it with many of my incredible teammates. AND my Mom will be there! AND there will be CAKE!! (I am bringing the cake...and I will be PURCHASING the cake. I do not cook, and there is no way I can compete with Debby! :-)) So on to the next age group I go...where the women are amazingly strong and bad-assed...and I'm very happy to do so.
Enjoy these gorgeous summer days!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Summertime
It's finally here. The kids have been out of school for almost three weeks, and I remain busier than ever. How does this happen? It's been five weeks since my last blog. Further proof of my increasing inability to keep all the balls in the air. At this moment, I should be at school. My goal for this summer is to re-organize my three offices. I did spend some time at work during my first week off, simply finishing out the school year. I've not been back since. My days are filled with training, racing, volunteering at races, grad parties, birthday parties, visiting with friends and family, a 3-day trip to the cabin, welcoming Katie's babies....(YEAH!!)..and worrying about a sick friend. I have always realized how fortunate I am to be able to have this time off in the summer, especially given my tri passion. But I really do need to suck it up and spend more time at work this summer. 13 years of accumulating paperwork and the stuff of school nursing. Time to purge and clean up!
Now for a training update! Since my last post, I have recovered completely from my sprained ankle. My swim is beginning to come along and is nearly pre-injury pace. We are in the heart of the season and I'm really feeling the increase in volume. My long rides are between 4 and 5 hours, and my long runs are 2 hours. The swimming volume is still lagging, but I will be pushing that this week. I'm in the middle of two weeks of a pretty heavy load, and I'm really feeling it today! It started with my first triathlon one week ago. It was the Triterium olympic distance, and it was an interesting race. The morning started out stormy with tons of rain, lightning and thunder. The start was delayed for one-half hour, then the race director decided to cancel the swim portion of the race. It turned into a duathlon,(minus the run BEFORE the bike that most duathlons have)...yippee!! I would not have to swim the 3 loops of 500!!! BUT, that's the whole reason I do that race....to work on my weakest link in a race situation. Part of me was disappointed. It was still raining at that point and I had considered not doing the race at all. I was shivering and cold...of course...:-((...and I was worried about crashing my bike on the hilly course and wet roads. And did I mention I was FREEZING??
I did it anyway. Blake was there with some team members, a few doing the sprint and one other doing the olympic with me. We all had a good time chatting and joking under the tent in the pouring rain! None of the others were backing out. If I didn't do the race, I'd have to go to the damned gym anyway! So again, I lold myself my new favorite phrase..."Suck it up, buttercup!"
The rain quit at about mile 5 of the 25.5 mile course and I was starting to finally warm up a bit. I hammered my way up those damned hills, reminding myself how tough I thought this race was last year! I finished the bike without wiping out...success!! I entered transition and saw that Mike and Robyn were there, and my teammates were cheering me on! The sun was out, and it was warm and muggy. I said to Mike as he asked how it was going, "I am in my happy place!"
I ran the 3 loops with that "DAMNED" hill, without checking my watch. I just ran, and looked forward to seeing everyone 3 times. I felt good! No pain...at all. My stomach was a little lurchy after the third time up that hill, but it was better by the bottom of it already. I finished strong and happy...a successful first duathlon. It was so cool to have my team there, supporting not only me, but each other. And this is just a taste of what is yet to come!
It took a few minutes for my time to get posted. When I saw that I was second in my age group, (ok, so it was out of 4!! ;-)), I was amazed. Then I looked at my run time, and I couldn't believe it. I literally thought a mistake had been made. I ran that 10k in 49:35...my fastest ever!! I thought my chances of running a 10k in under 50:00 were far behind me. It's a goal I've had since I've started running. I've gotten close, but have never broken 50:00, stand alone races or otherwise. I was ecstatic!
It didn't take too long for me to start wondering how I would have done if I would have had to swim first. Would I have had the energy and the legs to pull that off? Maybe. I haven't been able to run that in a stand alone race, and this was after a tough ride. My body really likes to run off the bike. I'll take it and be grateful!
Then it got me thinking...maybe I should stick to duathlons? ...Nah....I'll just continue to try to make my weakest link stronger!
Next up is Pardeville sprint triathlon on my birthday...YEAH! I'm really looking forward to this race as many members of the team will be there. Actually, we are having a team fun triathlon this Thursday! This will again be a new experience, and it's going to be a blast! I hope I have some snap back in my legs by then. I am feeling every bit of the tough training weekend this morning. I am thinking about how grateful I am to my friend Susan. Two days after her 6 mile swim across Lake Mendota, she graciously agreed to do my two hour run with me yesterday. The last half hour were tough for both of us. How many times have we been in that raw place together...where just talking is a struggle? How do you measure the loyalty of a true friend? When they stick with you even when it gets tough and ugly. Thanks so much AGAIN Susan!
Enjoy this day! :-)
Now for a training update! Since my last post, I have recovered completely from my sprained ankle. My swim is beginning to come along and is nearly pre-injury pace. We are in the heart of the season and I'm really feeling the increase in volume. My long rides are between 4 and 5 hours, and my long runs are 2 hours. The swimming volume is still lagging, but I will be pushing that this week. I'm in the middle of two weeks of a pretty heavy load, and I'm really feeling it today! It started with my first triathlon one week ago. It was the Triterium olympic distance, and it was an interesting race. The morning started out stormy with tons of rain, lightning and thunder. The start was delayed for one-half hour, then the race director decided to cancel the swim portion of the race. It turned into a duathlon,(minus the run BEFORE the bike that most duathlons have)...yippee!! I would not have to swim the 3 loops of 500!!! BUT, that's the whole reason I do that race....to work on my weakest link in a race situation. Part of me was disappointed. It was still raining at that point and I had considered not doing the race at all. I was shivering and cold...of course...:-((...and I was worried about crashing my bike on the hilly course and wet roads. And did I mention I was FREEZING??
I did it anyway. Blake was there with some team members, a few doing the sprint and one other doing the olympic with me. We all had a good time chatting and joking under the tent in the pouring rain! None of the others were backing out. If I didn't do the race, I'd have to go to the damned gym anyway! So again, I lold myself my new favorite phrase..."Suck it up, buttercup!"
The rain quit at about mile 5 of the 25.5 mile course and I was starting to finally warm up a bit. I hammered my way up those damned hills, reminding myself how tough I thought this race was last year! I finished the bike without wiping out...success!! I entered transition and saw that Mike and Robyn were there, and my teammates were cheering me on! The sun was out, and it was warm and muggy. I said to Mike as he asked how it was going, "I am in my happy place!"
I ran the 3 loops with that "DAMNED" hill, without checking my watch. I just ran, and looked forward to seeing everyone 3 times. I felt good! No pain...at all. My stomach was a little lurchy after the third time up that hill, but it was better by the bottom of it already. I finished strong and happy...a successful first duathlon. It was so cool to have my team there, supporting not only me, but each other. And this is just a taste of what is yet to come!
It took a few minutes for my time to get posted. When I saw that I was second in my age group, (ok, so it was out of 4!! ;-)), I was amazed. Then I looked at my run time, and I couldn't believe it. I literally thought a mistake had been made. I ran that 10k in 49:35...my fastest ever!! I thought my chances of running a 10k in under 50:00 were far behind me. It's a goal I've had since I've started running. I've gotten close, but have never broken 50:00, stand alone races or otherwise. I was ecstatic!
It didn't take too long for me to start wondering how I would have done if I would have had to swim first. Would I have had the energy and the legs to pull that off? Maybe. I haven't been able to run that in a stand alone race, and this was after a tough ride. My body really likes to run off the bike. I'll take it and be grateful!
Then it got me thinking...maybe I should stick to duathlons? ...Nah....I'll just continue to try to make my weakest link stronger!
Next up is Pardeville sprint triathlon on my birthday...YEAH! I'm really looking forward to this race as many members of the team will be there. Actually, we are having a team fun triathlon this Thursday! This will again be a new experience, and it's going to be a blast! I hope I have some snap back in my legs by then. I am feeling every bit of the tough training weekend this morning. I am thinking about how grateful I am to my friend Susan. Two days after her 6 mile swim across Lake Mendota, she graciously agreed to do my two hour run with me yesterday. The last half hour were tough for both of us. How many times have we been in that raw place together...where just talking is a struggle? How do you measure the loyalty of a true friend? When they stick with you even when it gets tough and ugly. Thanks so much AGAIN Susan!
Enjoy this day! :-)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Green Bay Marathon race report
"Brutal Wind". That's what the headline read at the top of the May 16th, 2011 edition of the Green Bay Press-Gazette. The wind speeds during the race were 26-32mph with gusts up to 40mph, with air temps in the 40's. While the winds were definitely news-worthy, conditions could have been much worse. The weather the day before included the same strong wind, but with a cold rain just to make things a tad more miserable. Given my ever-increasing inability to handle the cold, I'm not sure I would have been able to finish the marathon under those conditions on top of everything else. I was so grateful to see the bright sun on Sunday morning!
Thankfully, I did finish the marathon. It's number 12 for me, and even writing that number seems surreal. Number 12!! And I would have to say it was the 3rd hardest marathon I've run. It felt similar to my first one...Grandma's in 2003, and my first Boston in 2008 in terms of the physical pain I was in. (The marathon during IM Wisconsin is in truth, the toughest for VERY different reasons! Like the proverbial comparing apples to oranges, running 26.2 after a 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike is completely different!;-))
I can't even blame my ankle for the painful performance. I babied it all week, and is slowly improved enough to be able to run on it by Friday. Ironically, swimming aggravated it the most! It really hurt to kick. I had no flexibility in the joint at all. When I walked, I wore an ace compression sock and that really helped to support it. When I ran on Friday, I didn't have much pain, but it was very stiff, and my left leg felt weak, while my right leg felt fatigued. I had been loading that leg all week. My form was totally off. Uh Oh!
So, what to do? Another game-day decision. My sister Michelle, and my friends Dana, Cathy, Kristy and I eagerly looked forward to out GB girly weekend and we left Friday afternoon. Dana, Cathy, and Kristy were running the half, and Michelle was our cheerleader, and my angel. When we arrived at our hotel, and stepped outside and felt the cold "breeze", I thought to myself again..."Uh Oh...". Then we all looked at each other..and said it out loud!
Saturday brought more wind and rain. It also brought MAJOR carb loading, shopping, girl talk, just a little wine, and sharing, "The Spirit of the Marathon" movie. YES, I cried...but only a little. I'm such a sap! My ankle was elevated and iced. For the first time, I did not run my usual two miles the day before.
Sunday morning. Full sun. Temps in the low 40's. Winds whipping like Hell. Ankle good enough to start. More tears, more then usual. Uh oh....
The first two miles were irritating. The record crowds created bottle necking as runners weaved their way through the residential streets. I was so anxious about my ankle and taking a misstep, so I ran very slowly and carefully. It finally cleared out a bit between miles 2 and 3. It was then that I noted something strange, and it was actually amusing at first. Apparently, EVERYONE wears a Garmen or other GPS/timing device! They were all blaring in a symphony of bleeps, chimes, vibrations, and alarms at roughly the same time at every mile split. At mile 4, I noted that the devices were "singing" about 1/4 mile before the posted mile markers. I wondered if we were ALL weaving back and forth over the straight line of the measured course so much that we were already 1/4 mile ahead of the mile markers?
I started taking in shot blocks early, with my first one at mile 5. This is early for me, and I think it helped me avoid a repeat of the 2009 "wobbles by mile 8". Miles 7-13 felt the best. The winds to that point, other than a few turns into them, were to our backs. That helped keep my pace at around 8:30, which is where I wanted to be. A few of the earlier miles were near 8:10's, and I really needed to back off. I knew that I really needed to save my energy. I knew this course. This was my 3rd time running it. I knew the direction the wind was coming from. I knew what was in store for me on the trail. And the pain in my hips, pelvis, and lower back had started around mile 10. "Uh oh...".
The turn into the wind was indeed brutal. The course then takes you over a long bridge over the Fox River. The winds were so strong, I was literally running in place, with very little forward movement. Some of the cross winds felt like they were taking my feet right out from under me. After crossing that bridge, I began to struggle both physically and mentally. Ironically, my ankle was holding up just fine. It was everything else, and that wind. I felt like I hit the wall with 10 miles to go. Not a great place to be. I tried my usual positive self talk, even tried to joke with myself! "At least I'm not biking in this!". I don't have to POOP...YEAH!". "The wind is keeping the hair out of my eyes!". "I'm shivering from excitement...NOT cold!". It wasn't working.
I was checking my Garmen, and my pace was falling off. And I didn't care, I just wanted to be done. I had high expectations going into this race. My training has been awesome. I've seen paces I haven't seen for 4 years. I had a great race at Crazy Legs. I had a certain finishing time in my dream of dreams for this race. I was certainly well rested...or was I? Physically...maybe, with the forced time off of running. But mentally? My high expectations, my stress over the ankle, and the letting go of the grip I had on the reason I do all of this in the first place.
At mile 22, at last we were able to to turn away from the wind. It was a relief, and I was thankful for it, but I was wrecked. My stomach was starting to go, and looking back, I again did not take in enough calories. My Garmen at this point was blaring over 1/2 mile before the mile markers, and that was making me crazy! Finally...I made it to Lambeau Field! I saw my girls cheering for me and that gave me wings! Despite all of the pain, I still LOVED running through the stadium! I did NOT love having to stop in the chute during yet another bottle neck of runners! :-(
I crossed the finish line in 3:54:04. Unbelievably, because I turn 45 in this year I qualified for Boston. I needed 4:00. I found out that the BAA will lower the times by 5 minutes for the 2013 Boston Marathon!
But wait! The story is not over. It turns out that enough people complained about the discrepancy in the measured distance vs the GPS devices. The race director decided to investigate, and discovered that a wrong turn was made early on in the marathon. This added an extra 800 feet. They adjusted our times, using some formula...I have NO idea how they figured this out...and subtracted 1:40 minutes from my time. My official finishing time...3:52:44. I'll take it and be grateful! It was a PR for me in terms of distance. My Garmen read, 26.82 miles! :-O
"In sport, pain and suffering are choices, and anyone who complains about their choices needs to make a different choice" ~ Angela Naeth
It may not be my choice to have HHT, or osteoarthritis, or to be the genetic opposite of athletically gifted, or to be female and 45 years old. But it is my choice to pursuit this sport. No one is forcing me, in fact quite the contrary. It is my choice to look at these seeming "limitations" positively. It is my choice to grip more tenaciously to the reason I do this. I simply love it, and I love how what I do can positively influence others. (Refer to the end of the last post! :-))
As I hobbled out to the car back at the hotel, getting ready for the long drive home, a young lady on the passenger side of a parked car watched me do the "post marathon shuffle". She asked, "How did it go for you?" I replied, "Not great, that WIND was awful and I felt like crap...but I finished! Did you run the half or the full?"
"I ran the full. It was my first one"
Congratulations! Good for you!! And with these terrible winds, you should be so proud of yourself!"
It was then that I noticed her right ankle encased in ice.
"What happened?", I asked.
I sprained my ankle at mile 10. I had to limp the last 6 miles, I couldn't run. I'm on my way to get it x-rayed". She was wearing her metal.
My pity party was immediately over.
The next race...The Triterium on June 19th. My first tri of the season!!! :-D Bring it!!!
Enjoy this day!
Thankfully, I did finish the marathon. It's number 12 for me, and even writing that number seems surreal. Number 12!! And I would have to say it was the 3rd hardest marathon I've run. It felt similar to my first one...Grandma's in 2003, and my first Boston in 2008 in terms of the physical pain I was in. (The marathon during IM Wisconsin is in truth, the toughest for VERY different reasons! Like the proverbial comparing apples to oranges, running 26.2 after a 2.4 mile swim and 112 mile bike is completely different!;-))
I can't even blame my ankle for the painful performance. I babied it all week, and is slowly improved enough to be able to run on it by Friday. Ironically, swimming aggravated it the most! It really hurt to kick. I had no flexibility in the joint at all. When I walked, I wore an ace compression sock and that really helped to support it. When I ran on Friday, I didn't have much pain, but it was very stiff, and my left leg felt weak, while my right leg felt fatigued. I had been loading that leg all week. My form was totally off. Uh Oh!
So, what to do? Another game-day decision. My sister Michelle, and my friends Dana, Cathy, Kristy and I eagerly looked forward to out GB girly weekend and we left Friday afternoon. Dana, Cathy, and Kristy were running the half, and Michelle was our cheerleader, and my angel. When we arrived at our hotel, and stepped outside and felt the cold "breeze", I thought to myself again..."Uh Oh...". Then we all looked at each other..and said it out loud!
Saturday brought more wind and rain. It also brought MAJOR carb loading, shopping, girl talk, just a little wine, and sharing, "The Spirit of the Marathon" movie. YES, I cried...but only a little. I'm such a sap! My ankle was elevated and iced. For the first time, I did not run my usual two miles the day before.
Sunday morning. Full sun. Temps in the low 40's. Winds whipping like Hell. Ankle good enough to start. More tears, more then usual. Uh oh....
The first two miles were irritating. The record crowds created bottle necking as runners weaved their way through the residential streets. I was so anxious about my ankle and taking a misstep, so I ran very slowly and carefully. It finally cleared out a bit between miles 2 and 3. It was then that I noted something strange, and it was actually amusing at first. Apparently, EVERYONE wears a Garmen or other GPS/timing device! They were all blaring in a symphony of bleeps, chimes, vibrations, and alarms at roughly the same time at every mile split. At mile 4, I noted that the devices were "singing" about 1/4 mile before the posted mile markers. I wondered if we were ALL weaving back and forth over the straight line of the measured course so much that we were already 1/4 mile ahead of the mile markers?
I started taking in shot blocks early, with my first one at mile 5. This is early for me, and I think it helped me avoid a repeat of the 2009 "wobbles by mile 8". Miles 7-13 felt the best. The winds to that point, other than a few turns into them, were to our backs. That helped keep my pace at around 8:30, which is where I wanted to be. A few of the earlier miles were near 8:10's, and I really needed to back off. I knew that I really needed to save my energy. I knew this course. This was my 3rd time running it. I knew the direction the wind was coming from. I knew what was in store for me on the trail. And the pain in my hips, pelvis, and lower back had started around mile 10. "Uh oh...".
The turn into the wind was indeed brutal. The course then takes you over a long bridge over the Fox River. The winds were so strong, I was literally running in place, with very little forward movement. Some of the cross winds felt like they were taking my feet right out from under me. After crossing that bridge, I began to struggle both physically and mentally. Ironically, my ankle was holding up just fine. It was everything else, and that wind. I felt like I hit the wall with 10 miles to go. Not a great place to be. I tried my usual positive self talk, even tried to joke with myself! "At least I'm not biking in this!". I don't have to POOP...YEAH!". "The wind is keeping the hair out of my eyes!". "I'm shivering from excitement...NOT cold!". It wasn't working.
I was checking my Garmen, and my pace was falling off. And I didn't care, I just wanted to be done. I had high expectations going into this race. My training has been awesome. I've seen paces I haven't seen for 4 years. I had a great race at Crazy Legs. I had a certain finishing time in my dream of dreams for this race. I was certainly well rested...or was I? Physically...maybe, with the forced time off of running. But mentally? My high expectations, my stress over the ankle, and the letting go of the grip I had on the reason I do all of this in the first place.
At mile 22, at last we were able to to turn away from the wind. It was a relief, and I was thankful for it, but I was wrecked. My stomach was starting to go, and looking back, I again did not take in enough calories. My Garmen at this point was blaring over 1/2 mile before the mile markers, and that was making me crazy! Finally...I made it to Lambeau Field! I saw my girls cheering for me and that gave me wings! Despite all of the pain, I still LOVED running through the stadium! I did NOT love having to stop in the chute during yet another bottle neck of runners! :-(
I crossed the finish line in 3:54:04. Unbelievably, because I turn 45 in this year I qualified for Boston. I needed 4:00. I found out that the BAA will lower the times by 5 minutes for the 2013 Boston Marathon!
But wait! The story is not over. It turns out that enough people complained about the discrepancy in the measured distance vs the GPS devices. The race director decided to investigate, and discovered that a wrong turn was made early on in the marathon. This added an extra 800 feet. They adjusted our times, using some formula...I have NO idea how they figured this out...and subtracted 1:40 minutes from my time. My official finishing time...3:52:44. I'll take it and be grateful! It was a PR for me in terms of distance. My Garmen read, 26.82 miles! :-O
"In sport, pain and suffering are choices, and anyone who complains about their choices needs to make a different choice" ~ Angela Naeth
It may not be my choice to have HHT, or osteoarthritis, or to be the genetic opposite of athletically gifted, or to be female and 45 years old. But it is my choice to pursuit this sport. No one is forcing me, in fact quite the contrary. It is my choice to look at these seeming "limitations" positively. It is my choice to grip more tenaciously to the reason I do this. I simply love it, and I love how what I do can positively influence others. (Refer to the end of the last post! :-))
As I hobbled out to the car back at the hotel, getting ready for the long drive home, a young lady on the passenger side of a parked car watched me do the "post marathon shuffle". She asked, "How did it go for you?" I replied, "Not great, that WIND was awful and I felt like crap...but I finished! Did you run the half or the full?"
"I ran the full. It was my first one"
Congratulations! Good for you!! And with these terrible winds, you should be so proud of yourself!"
It was then that I noticed her right ankle encased in ice.
"What happened?", I asked.
I sprained my ankle at mile 10. I had to limp the last 6 miles, I couldn't run. I'm on my way to get it x-rayed". She was wearing her metal.
My pity party was immediately over.
The next race...The Triterium on June 19th. My first tri of the season!!! :-D Bring it!!!
Enjoy this day!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Denial
I'll start this blog with gratitude first, then will try to stay as positive as I can for the duration of the post. Warning: there may be a bit of whining involved.
As I sit here with ice on my left ankle, I am grateful that the marathon is one week from this moment. I am grateful that in the two hours since I rolled it pushing my wheel barrel full of horse poop, the pain and swelling have stopped increasing. I am grateful that my last thought before the swearing began was, "I am so happy...the horses look so beautiful in the green pasture, I should get my camera!". Then...BAM!! And that's life. I am trying desperately to keep the irritation and frustration at a minimum, and to not beat myself up too badly over yet again, an incredibly stupid move on my part! :-(
10 days ago, I had another, "BAM!!" moment during the warm up of my TRX class. As I was doing a crunch, I felt a pop in my upper neck. Within a few minutes the back spasms started. The smart thing would have been to get the Hell out of there and take care of it. My stubbornness won over intelligence and I continued on with the class, hoping it would work itself out. Denial. One strategy I use to cope with the "BAM" moments in my life is to tell myself, "It's not too bad. It will work itself out" (It's that strategy that kept me from going to the hospital until the third day after my aneurysm. Apparently I still have a bit to learn, and as stated here before, I am a work in progress!) On that day, I thought, "I refuse to admit that I'm too old and uncoordinated for TRX!!" The inner dialog at this moment is this, "The pop I felt in my ankle is just a tweak. The ice will help, I am able to bear weight, and it will be fine by my run on Tuesday". Thankfully, this "head in the sand" approach seems to work for me more often than it doesn't. :-D
By the afternoon after TRX, I couldn't turn my head. My first race of the season, Crazy Legs, in which I had high hopes of breaking 40 minutes was in 3 days! UGH!!! To the doctor I went. Lots of ice and and a new appreciation for the term "Valium Hangover", and in 3 days I was good enough to attempt running. I found as long as I didn't turn my head, the spasms stayed relatively quiet. I ran Crazy Legs in 39:20!! It was a tough one for me. Shorter races are always challenging as it typically takes me that long to warm up! I ran for 20 minutes before the start to test my back and warm up the legs. The weather was sunny and cool, but very windy. Miles 3-4 were dead into the wind, and I was really feeling the pace in my stomach. Again, typical for me. I kept checking my watch and knew that I'd be close. Then I saw my team mate Randy, who of course was already finished, and that gave me the steam to finish strong! WHOO HOO!! I was so happy!
When I saw my Mom cross the finish line after her first race ever, I felt that same feeling I got with my Girls on the Run. I was so proud of her! She really stepped outside of her comfort zone to do this with me. She has had a spinal fusion with chronic back and hip pain, and numbness in her leg. She also has HHT and deals with GI bleeding. She has watched me over the past 9 years, do what I do, and says I inspire her. (She's my Mom, she HAS to say that! ;-)) She has gone from walking for 1/2 mile, to walking 6 miles most days a week. She spends hours upon hours in the summer swimming in her lake. And now she can relate even more to what I've been conveying for the past 9 years. She got it. She felt the passion and love. She discovered the drive, the need to keep moving forward despite the pain. It did not take her long to talk about how she can be even faster next year. YES, she wants to do it again!! And this time, she will know the course and not wonder where the heck she is going!! ;-) Her brother, my "UB", walked the two miles easily, and vowed to run the whole 8K next year. He too has had multiple back surgeries, and is severely affected by having HHT. His lung involvement makes life, at times, very challenging for him. And yet over the past year, he has walked many, many miles at a pace that is difficult to keep up with! Again, I felt the joy and fulfillment that comes from witnessing someone you love discover their own bliss, in a way they never thought possible.
The neck pain and back spasms have subsided. The new pain in my ankle will go away, hopefully in time for Green Bay. But the feeling in my heart, the excitement I felt when I saw my Mom come into Camp Randal Stadium, when I saw my UB and auntie LiLi sitting in the stands waiting for me, will stay in there tucked away with all of the other priceless moments I have experienced. There is no denying that! :-D
Happy Mother's Day....enjoy it!!
As I sit here with ice on my left ankle, I am grateful that the marathon is one week from this moment. I am grateful that in the two hours since I rolled it pushing my wheel barrel full of horse poop, the pain and swelling have stopped increasing. I am grateful that my last thought before the swearing began was, "I am so happy...the horses look so beautiful in the green pasture, I should get my camera!". Then...BAM!! And that's life. I am trying desperately to keep the irritation and frustration at a minimum, and to not beat myself up too badly over yet again, an incredibly stupid move on my part! :-(
10 days ago, I had another, "BAM!!" moment during the warm up of my TRX class. As I was doing a crunch, I felt a pop in my upper neck. Within a few minutes the back spasms started. The smart thing would have been to get the Hell out of there and take care of it. My stubbornness won over intelligence and I continued on with the class, hoping it would work itself out. Denial. One strategy I use to cope with the "BAM" moments in my life is to tell myself, "It's not too bad. It will work itself out" (It's that strategy that kept me from going to the hospital until the third day after my aneurysm. Apparently I still have a bit to learn, and as stated here before, I am a work in progress!) On that day, I thought, "I refuse to admit that I'm too old and uncoordinated for TRX!!" The inner dialog at this moment is this, "The pop I felt in my ankle is just a tweak. The ice will help, I am able to bear weight, and it will be fine by my run on Tuesday". Thankfully, this "head in the sand" approach seems to work for me more often than it doesn't. :-D
By the afternoon after TRX, I couldn't turn my head. My first race of the season, Crazy Legs, in which I had high hopes of breaking 40 minutes was in 3 days! UGH!!! To the doctor I went. Lots of ice and and a new appreciation for the term "Valium Hangover", and in 3 days I was good enough to attempt running. I found as long as I didn't turn my head, the spasms stayed relatively quiet. I ran Crazy Legs in 39:20!! It was a tough one for me. Shorter races are always challenging as it typically takes me that long to warm up! I ran for 20 minutes before the start to test my back and warm up the legs. The weather was sunny and cool, but very windy. Miles 3-4 were dead into the wind, and I was really feeling the pace in my stomach. Again, typical for me. I kept checking my watch and knew that I'd be close. Then I saw my team mate Randy, who of course was already finished, and that gave me the steam to finish strong! WHOO HOO!! I was so happy!
When I saw my Mom cross the finish line after her first race ever, I felt that same feeling I got with my Girls on the Run. I was so proud of her! She really stepped outside of her comfort zone to do this with me. She has had a spinal fusion with chronic back and hip pain, and numbness in her leg. She also has HHT and deals with GI bleeding. She has watched me over the past 9 years, do what I do, and says I inspire her. (She's my Mom, she HAS to say that! ;-)) She has gone from walking for 1/2 mile, to walking 6 miles most days a week. She spends hours upon hours in the summer swimming in her lake. And now she can relate even more to what I've been conveying for the past 9 years. She got it. She felt the passion and love. She discovered the drive, the need to keep moving forward despite the pain. It did not take her long to talk about how she can be even faster next year. YES, she wants to do it again!! And this time, she will know the course and not wonder where the heck she is going!! ;-) Her brother, my "UB", walked the two miles easily, and vowed to run the whole 8K next year. He too has had multiple back surgeries, and is severely affected by having HHT. His lung involvement makes life, at times, very challenging for him. And yet over the past year, he has walked many, many miles at a pace that is difficult to keep up with! Again, I felt the joy and fulfillment that comes from witnessing someone you love discover their own bliss, in a way they never thought possible.
The neck pain and back spasms have subsided. The new pain in my ankle will go away, hopefully in time for Green Bay. But the feeling in my heart, the excitement I felt when I saw my Mom come into Camp Randal Stadium, when I saw my UB and auntie LiLi sitting in the stands waiting for me, will stay in there tucked away with all of the other priceless moments I have experienced. There is no denying that! :-D
Happy Mother's Day....enjoy it!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Ahhhhhhh.........
I have been looking forward to this morning for a long time. It is a very rare occurrence...an unencumbered morning. No work, no work-out, no horsey chores, (Love you Leigh!!), and no where to be until noon. Ahhhhh......just sleeping in until 6, (couldn't sleep any later! :-O), coffee, oatmeal, chatting with the hubby, answering e-mails, FB, and listening to the puggies snore on the couch. Oh, and I FINALLY got a chance to transfer music on my new Ipod Nano that the hubby surprised me with last week! I have loved my Shuffle, but the new Nano is only slightly bigger and I can put so much more on it. Thanks again sweetie!! And how's this for timing...the Shuffle completely died yesterday! :-)
Still, as I sit here and catch up on this blog, the one I vowed to keep up with and am finding it increasingly difficult to do so, my brain is needling me. I SHOULD...clean, start laundry, pay bills, clean out my closet, brush my mud-covered -from-nose-to-tail horse, blah,blah,blah. I'm trying to tune out the noise.
This weeks Girls on the Run lesson was about relaxation and being in the moment. We've seen the consequences of societal pressure to react to constant external stimuli from the moment our eyes open until we finally close them after collapsing from exhaustion. It's how we are teaching our kids to live their lives. The incessant demands on their time, filled with academics, sport, family, church, peer relationships, technology, pop-culture, status, etc. Do we teach them to just BE? To just tune out, listen to our breathing and let our minds wander without purposeful thought? To sit in a QUIET room without I-pods, computers, cell phones, tv, another human being?
I love my group of 8 very energetic and chatty girls. I knew this lesson would be hard for them. They had to run for 20 minutes alone, and in silence. When they heard that, they all groaned, and tried every avoidance tactic they could think of. After letting them burn off some energy by giving them 15 minutes of their choice of activity, they were finally ready to try it. And they were awesome! After the silent running, I then had them lie down and I talked them through some relaxed breathing and very basic meditation. And something amazing happened...they absolutely loved it! We talked about what their thoughts were and how that activity made them feel. There was a completely different dynamic within the group. More centered, focused, attentive, creative. One of them said we should end every practice that way. I was amazed and so proud of them!
I think more and more of us are aware of how important it is to incorporate reflection and relaxation into our lives. Where it get's tricky is making a choice about what get's displaced to make room for it. I have a few friends that do yoga and swear by it. I've gone to a few classes, but truthfully it's been a couple of years. I just don't have the time....sound familiar? I do find time to try and get into a relaxed frame of mind while I'm running or swimming easy, when walking the dogs, or puttering. I've really been working on staying in the moment and not thinking about then next workout, or school day agenda, or meal.(THAT is the toughest!! ;-)) I'm getting better at it all the time, but, ironically, I find it takes effort to be relaxed.
So today, I am grateful for the time spent on myself this morning. I look forward to the rest of the day shopping with Robyn. I have not bought new clothes for myself...other then work out clothes...in ages. I'm still wearing clothes from more than a few years ago. I HATE clothes shopping! (Audible gasp being heard from ALL of my female friends!! ;-)) I was trying to get out of it last night when talking with Robyn, I suggested we go to a movie instead. (...I am CRAVING movie popcorn!). She said, "No way Mom, were are getting you some new clothes!!" Sigh....ok, ok....I'll go! It will be good for Robyn and I to be together today. We are all worried about Rachel. Despite my best efforts to have a completely stress free morning, life continues to roll forward and throw out challenges. Rachel is dealing with some issues, and the miles apart make supporting her difficult. Needless to say, we are thankful for technology providing us with cell phones, as we will be using them even more in the days to come. I am also reminded about how much this family is fiercely loyal, protective, and supportive of each other. The love and gratitude in my heart is bursting today!
Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy this day!
Still, as I sit here and catch up on this blog, the one I vowed to keep up with and am finding it increasingly difficult to do so, my brain is needling me. I SHOULD...clean, start laundry, pay bills, clean out my closet, brush my mud-covered -from-nose-to-tail horse, blah,blah,blah. I'm trying to tune out the noise.
This weeks Girls on the Run lesson was about relaxation and being in the moment. We've seen the consequences of societal pressure to react to constant external stimuli from the moment our eyes open until we finally close them after collapsing from exhaustion. It's how we are teaching our kids to live their lives. The incessant demands on their time, filled with academics, sport, family, church, peer relationships, technology, pop-culture, status, etc. Do we teach them to just BE? To just tune out, listen to our breathing and let our minds wander without purposeful thought? To sit in a QUIET room without I-pods, computers, cell phones, tv, another human being?
I love my group of 8 very energetic and chatty girls. I knew this lesson would be hard for them. They had to run for 20 minutes alone, and in silence. When they heard that, they all groaned, and tried every avoidance tactic they could think of. After letting them burn off some energy by giving them 15 minutes of their choice of activity, they were finally ready to try it. And they were awesome! After the silent running, I then had them lie down and I talked them through some relaxed breathing and very basic meditation. And something amazing happened...they absolutely loved it! We talked about what their thoughts were and how that activity made them feel. There was a completely different dynamic within the group. More centered, focused, attentive, creative. One of them said we should end every practice that way. I was amazed and so proud of them!
I think more and more of us are aware of how important it is to incorporate reflection and relaxation into our lives. Where it get's tricky is making a choice about what get's displaced to make room for it. I have a few friends that do yoga and swear by it. I've gone to a few classes, but truthfully it's been a couple of years. I just don't have the time....sound familiar? I do find time to try and get into a relaxed frame of mind while I'm running or swimming easy, when walking the dogs, or puttering. I've really been working on staying in the moment and not thinking about then next workout, or school day agenda, or meal.(THAT is the toughest!! ;-)) I'm getting better at it all the time, but, ironically, I find it takes effort to be relaxed.
So today, I am grateful for the time spent on myself this morning. I look forward to the rest of the day shopping with Robyn. I have not bought new clothes for myself...other then work out clothes...in ages. I'm still wearing clothes from more than a few years ago. I HATE clothes shopping! (Audible gasp being heard from ALL of my female friends!! ;-)) I was trying to get out of it last night when talking with Robyn, I suggested we go to a movie instead. (...I am CRAVING movie popcorn!). She said, "No way Mom, were are getting you some new clothes!!" Sigh....ok, ok....I'll go! It will be good for Robyn and I to be together today. We are all worried about Rachel. Despite my best efforts to have a completely stress free morning, life continues to roll forward and throw out challenges. Rachel is dealing with some issues, and the miles apart make supporting her difficult. Needless to say, we are thankful for technology providing us with cell phones, as we will be using them even more in the days to come. I am also reminded about how much this family is fiercely loyal, protective, and supportive of each other. The love and gratitude in my heart is bursting today!
Happy Easter everyone! Enjoy this day!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
"Because I knew you"
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason..." ~ "For Good" from the musical "Wicked".
I am such a musical geek. I've seen Wicked four times, and this is my favorite song. I cry almost every time I hear it. Not just because the words resonate with me and I'm such a sentimental wuss, but I'm also drawn to a memory of Rachel and Robyn singing this duet at a recital a few years ago. I was reduced to a blubbering, sobbing mess when I heard them. They were brilliant! (A non-biased opinion of course! ;-))
The words of the song make me think about how I can apply them to many people who have crossed my path during my life. It is so amazing to me how much some of these people have influenced and changed the course and the direction in which I was traveling. Is it fate, or is it chance? I believe it's fate, but also, that we have control over the choices that we make in response to these relationships and their affect on us. (One of the important lessons that we try to impart on our Girls on the Run group!)
A few weeks ago, I met an old friend Ginney, for lunch. We had not seen each other in 27 years! We were best friends for awhile in high school. We met during a play called "The Admirable Crichton" As fate would have it, that's when I first met Mike. He was in the play as well. He was a senior, I was a junior, and she, along with my brother Larry, were sophomores. She was a really good actress, and Mike was great...and hysterical! The play was an English comedy...and it was a BUST! Nobody understood the humor, and the only people who would even attempt an English accent were Mike and Ginney. The ONLY laugh we got was when Mike ad-libbed and did some crazy dance during a scene. And...this is the God's honest truth....my Mother said after the play, "He is it for you and that's who you will marry!" I thought she had lost her mind. "We are JUST FRIENDS!", I said. She said, "Ugh huh, okay?". She reminds me of this conversation quite often! ;-)
We were all friends by the end of the play. We were one big geaky group of theater dorks and we had the BEST time! Ginney and I became really close, and Mike was so sweet, and funny, and generous, and beyond smart. But, he was...well...a geak!! And I had a crush on Ray Gibbs, who was the Admirable Crichton. He was tall, dark, charming, a football player, and also hilarious. He and Mike were friends before the play, and boy was Ray MAD that Mike was getting all the laughs!
It was prom season, and I was waiting for Ray to ask me to go. Mike asked me instead. Apparently he had a bit of a crush on me! :-O But....I wanted to go with Ray! I said no. He then asked Ginney, who said yes. Ray asked someone else. Guess who sat home on prom night eating 1/2 gallon of ice cream in my PJ's? :-S
A few weeks before prom, my fickle 16 year old mind began to feel a bit differently towards Mike. He was really kind of handsome in a geaky sort of way, and he was amazingly sweet. I was falling hard and the feeling was mutual. The day after prom, he came over and asked me out. That was May 7th, 1983, the day of our first kiss. I wonder how many there have been since? :-)
Ginney and I remained friends after that, and during my senior year, she played Abby and I played Martha in "Arsenic and Old Lace". Larry even joined us in the play and again we had the best time! But after I graduated, Ginney and I lost touch, as happens so often when lives and interests change. Last summer, my brother saw Ginney at their High School reunion. They talked and she asked about me and how I was doing. She was amazed that Mike and I were still together! And....she's a runner!! She's done a few marathons and is itching to do more. She is married, has a wonderful career, and a few well-loved pooches. We connected on Facebook and made plans to meet.
I was NERVOUS! So much has happened during the time that we were together last. I was willing my fuzzy brain to remember how it was, what our dynamic was like, what SHE was like. When I saw her, I was so impressed. She seriously looked amazing! She was beautiful and looked BETTER than in high school. After exchanging hugs and greetings, we started talking...and didn't stop for 3 hours! I can't say the memories came flooding back, and it was sort of strange for me. I felt like she was a distant, but familiar stranger that I was just getting to know again. It was intimidating how articulate and smart she was. I was struggling with a fuzzy brain day and was having a hard time conveying my thoughts and feelings in the right way. So frustrating! However, after I relaxed, and we poured over our high school year book, and the conversation turned to running, the fog cleared. 3 hours later, we were making plans to meet at Crazy Legs, which she will be in town for.
On the drive home, I was thinking about all the friends that have come and gone, and how my life had changed as a direct result of haven known them. I became a little sad. Why is it so hard to maintain these friendships that, in the moment, are so important and meaningful? Will all of my friends, that I love to pieces and are in my life right now continue to be with me 10 years from now? I though of my friend Jenny, who I worked with years ago at the hospital, and all that we experienced together at that time. She dared me to run Crazy Legs in 2002, when I couldn't run more than 2 miles. She was there for my first marathon. She made me volunteer with her at this insane event called Ironman Wisconsin. She now has 3 young children and I haven't seen her in two years.
I thought of Theresa, by best friend during my "horsey" years. We shared everything horse related, took lessons together, went to shows and clinics. She even had her horse at our place for a few years. After I started running seriously and she moved her horse to a different barn, we lost our connection. I haven't seen her for a few years.
I thought about Mike. He alone is the one person, other than family, that has been with me since I've been 16 years old. We are both VERY different than we were back in our geaky drama days. How is it that this relationship continues despite all of the years, and challenges, and differences in interests and outlook? At times it has been a struggle for us to stay connected since the girls are up and out, and we seem to lead two very different lives. We talk about this all the time. We do what we've always done...realize that what we love and are committed to takes work to maintain. It takes sacrifice and understanding. It's this way with all of our relationships, whether it be with our family, friends, pets, jobs, and interests. And the biggest challenge that I always come back to....time. There is never enough of it, and that alone forces me to make choices and set priorities. Unfortunately, relationships fall victim to the choices I make. There is only so much time...
Mike and I leave today to visit Rachel in CT. I should be packing right now, but my mind has been filled with these thoughts for awhile and I needed to purge. My next post will be about Rachel time and Beluga's!!
Enjoy this day! :-)
I am such a musical geek. I've seen Wicked four times, and this is my favorite song. I cry almost every time I hear it. Not just because the words resonate with me and I'm such a sentimental wuss, but I'm also drawn to a memory of Rachel and Robyn singing this duet at a recital a few years ago. I was reduced to a blubbering, sobbing mess when I heard them. They were brilliant! (A non-biased opinion of course! ;-))
The words of the song make me think about how I can apply them to many people who have crossed my path during my life. It is so amazing to me how much some of these people have influenced and changed the course and the direction in which I was traveling. Is it fate, or is it chance? I believe it's fate, but also, that we have control over the choices that we make in response to these relationships and their affect on us. (One of the important lessons that we try to impart on our Girls on the Run group!)
A few weeks ago, I met an old friend Ginney, for lunch. We had not seen each other in 27 years! We were best friends for awhile in high school. We met during a play called "The Admirable Crichton" As fate would have it, that's when I first met Mike. He was in the play as well. He was a senior, I was a junior, and she, along with my brother Larry, were sophomores. She was a really good actress, and Mike was great...and hysterical! The play was an English comedy...and it was a BUST! Nobody understood the humor, and the only people who would even attempt an English accent were Mike and Ginney. The ONLY laugh we got was when Mike ad-libbed and did some crazy dance during a scene. And...this is the God's honest truth....my Mother said after the play, "He is it for you and that's who you will marry!" I thought she had lost her mind. "We are JUST FRIENDS!", I said. She said, "Ugh huh, okay?". She reminds me of this conversation quite often! ;-)
We were all friends by the end of the play. We were one big geaky group of theater dorks and we had the BEST time! Ginney and I became really close, and Mike was so sweet, and funny, and generous, and beyond smart. But, he was...well...a geak!! And I had a crush on Ray Gibbs, who was the Admirable Crichton. He was tall, dark, charming, a football player, and also hilarious. He and Mike were friends before the play, and boy was Ray MAD that Mike was getting all the laughs!
It was prom season, and I was waiting for Ray to ask me to go. Mike asked me instead. Apparently he had a bit of a crush on me! :-O But....I wanted to go with Ray! I said no. He then asked Ginney, who said yes. Ray asked someone else. Guess who sat home on prom night eating 1/2 gallon of ice cream in my PJ's? :-S
A few weeks before prom, my fickle 16 year old mind began to feel a bit differently towards Mike. He was really kind of handsome in a geaky sort of way, and he was amazingly sweet. I was falling hard and the feeling was mutual. The day after prom, he came over and asked me out. That was May 7th, 1983, the day of our first kiss. I wonder how many there have been since? :-)
Ginney and I remained friends after that, and during my senior year, she played Abby and I played Martha in "Arsenic and Old Lace". Larry even joined us in the play and again we had the best time! But after I graduated, Ginney and I lost touch, as happens so often when lives and interests change. Last summer, my brother saw Ginney at their High School reunion. They talked and she asked about me and how I was doing. She was amazed that Mike and I were still together! And....she's a runner!! She's done a few marathons and is itching to do more. She is married, has a wonderful career, and a few well-loved pooches. We connected on Facebook and made plans to meet.
I was NERVOUS! So much has happened during the time that we were together last. I was willing my fuzzy brain to remember how it was, what our dynamic was like, what SHE was like. When I saw her, I was so impressed. She seriously looked amazing! She was beautiful and looked BETTER than in high school. After exchanging hugs and greetings, we started talking...and didn't stop for 3 hours! I can't say the memories came flooding back, and it was sort of strange for me. I felt like she was a distant, but familiar stranger that I was just getting to know again. It was intimidating how articulate and smart she was. I was struggling with a fuzzy brain day and was having a hard time conveying my thoughts and feelings in the right way. So frustrating! However, after I relaxed, and we poured over our high school year book, and the conversation turned to running, the fog cleared. 3 hours later, we were making plans to meet at Crazy Legs, which she will be in town for.
On the drive home, I was thinking about all the friends that have come and gone, and how my life had changed as a direct result of haven known them. I became a little sad. Why is it so hard to maintain these friendships that, in the moment, are so important and meaningful? Will all of my friends, that I love to pieces and are in my life right now continue to be with me 10 years from now? I though of my friend Jenny, who I worked with years ago at the hospital, and all that we experienced together at that time. She dared me to run Crazy Legs in 2002, when I couldn't run more than 2 miles. She was there for my first marathon. She made me volunteer with her at this insane event called Ironman Wisconsin. She now has 3 young children and I haven't seen her in two years.
I thought of Theresa, by best friend during my "horsey" years. We shared everything horse related, took lessons together, went to shows and clinics. She even had her horse at our place for a few years. After I started running seriously and she moved her horse to a different barn, we lost our connection. I haven't seen her for a few years.
I thought about Mike. He alone is the one person, other than family, that has been with me since I've been 16 years old. We are both VERY different than we were back in our geaky drama days. How is it that this relationship continues despite all of the years, and challenges, and differences in interests and outlook? At times it has been a struggle for us to stay connected since the girls are up and out, and we seem to lead two very different lives. We talk about this all the time. We do what we've always done...realize that what we love and are committed to takes work to maintain. It takes sacrifice and understanding. It's this way with all of our relationships, whether it be with our family, friends, pets, jobs, and interests. And the biggest challenge that I always come back to....time. There is never enough of it, and that alone forces me to make choices and set priorities. Unfortunately, relationships fall victim to the choices I make. There is only so much time...
Mike and I leave today to visit Rachel in CT. I should be packing right now, but my mind has been filled with these thoughts for awhile and I needed to purge. My next post will be about Rachel time and Beluga's!!
Enjoy this day! :-)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Balance
Which way are the scales tipping today? The never-ending struggle to fit it all in, be it physically, spiritually, emotionally, continues. Losing an hour for daylight savings does not help when life is down to minutes! I am not complaining, really I'm not. The juggling act is my own creation and the choices are mine alone. Yes, things happen that threaten to tip the scales, things out of my control happen all the time. The art of finding balance comes from learning to adjust, to lean in another direction when the 50 mph wind threatens to blow you over.
I said to a friend the other day, "It feels like the entire world is shaking" We were talking about all that has been going on, not only in our city, state and at work, but with our friends and family. Two beautiful people in my life are struggling with cancer. This weighs heavy on my heart. How ironic to wake up Friday morning with the images and stories all over the news about the huge earthquake in Japan and the Tsunami that followed. The devastation, the lives lost....so surreal. The earth is indeed shaking.
For this blog, I'm going to be selfish and write about my own world. The original intent of these postings were to talk about my racing and training, and to raise awareness for HHT. Obviously there is more going on outside my own personal bubble that seems to take on more importance. But today, I'm being egocentric. The more important stuff of life, for the moment, will remain in my periphery.
Up until January of this year, I have been self coached, with more than a bit of help from my running/triathlete friends. This year,I took my training down a different path and joined a multisport team, BBMC. Blake Becker is a pro triathlete that I met a few years ago through a co-worker. I had considered hiring him at the time to personally coach me through my first attempt at Ironman. I had a really hard time deciding if this was the direction I should go. I was really apprehensive about giving up control over my training, and wondering if this young guy could really help this middle-aged triathlete wannabe with more than a few issues! Then there was the cost...we just couldn't swing it. So I decided to continue on my own. Of course, I didn't finish IM 2009 on my own....there are so many people that helped my cross that finish line. Especially my angel Katie, who developed my training plan, trained with me, and ended up knowing how my body was responding better that I did! I've always told her she should become a coach. She decided get pregnant with twins instead! :-)
Blake and I re-connected through Facebook last summer, and he graciously helped me a bit with my training for Pigman. His input and advice was so helpful, and he's more than a little responsible for my best triathlon performance so far. When he told me that he was putting together a team for this season, I was so excited! I felt it would be the ideal situation for me. I would get the benefit of group training along with Blake's support. And I really liked Blake's plan to include friends and family whenever possible, realizing how important and beneficial their support can be.
But I was still nervous. I only knew Blake, and Julie, who is one of Blake's athletes that I met at Masters swim. The team would consist of up to 30 athletes, and we had the opportunity to join group runs, cycling classes, and a team swim. GULP!! All of my insecurities and negative brain chatter were rearing their ugly heads. How would I ever manage to keep up with everyone? Would this be too much for this increasingly creaky body? Would the TRX classes...aka..."torture" classes that Blake recommends KILL me?? (;-)) Again, over and over I come to this place. I love this sport so much! How far can I go? Am I willing to step WAY out of my comfort zone and take a different approach to my training?
We started team training in January. So far, I am smitten! I'm getting to know some really great people. I've learned that they come from varied athletic backgrounds....some new to the sport, and others very seasoned athletes who have been doing this for years, and still others who are making a return to triathlon after some time away. I've learned that although this still feels new to me, I really have been at this awhile and have a bit more experience than I allow myself to recognize. I am leaning that every training session, I learn even more. And I am surviving TRX....BARELY!! ;-)
It has been challenging in a few ways. The group training and TRX classes are done on the west side of Madison, so I'm having to drive 30 minutes one way, several times a week. Definitely eats up a ton of time...and GAS! :-O While the training volume isn't too bad yet, the intensity of the workouts has increased a few notches. In preparation for the Green Bay Marathon, only two months away, my running mileage has increased. And something VERY different for me...the group Sunday afternoon swim AFTER my long Sunday morning runs! Lordy, there have only been a few of these so far, but they are hard!! Blake has been very encouraging and insist that these swims will help my legs recover faster. So far, I do NOT feel this during those swims!
Interestingly, my legs, pelvis, and hips DO feel better...Monday morning anyway! They are still not very happy on Sunday night, but I seem to be recovered enough to get in a quality group run on Tuesday nights. This morning was my first 12 miler in many months. I was already tired from this weeks training, and I didn't have high hopes that it would go well. It went....very well!! It started out slow as usual, and I felt soooo stiff. At mile 5 I was to run for 60 minutes at 15 seconds faster than marathon pace. I thought, "no way", but I will do my best. It was even better. I couldn't believe it!! Again...so grateful.
I decided to forgo the group swim for today. The winds were blowing, and I needed to lean a different way. Mike and I have a very busy week ahead. On Friday he will leave and be gone for over a week. Today is our one day together, and we will spend the rest of our Sunday uninterrupted!
Balance...it takes constant work to maintain, but completely worth the effort :-)
Enjoy this day!
I said to a friend the other day, "It feels like the entire world is shaking" We were talking about all that has been going on, not only in our city, state and at work, but with our friends and family. Two beautiful people in my life are struggling with cancer. This weighs heavy on my heart. How ironic to wake up Friday morning with the images and stories all over the news about the huge earthquake in Japan and the Tsunami that followed. The devastation, the lives lost....so surreal. The earth is indeed shaking.
For this blog, I'm going to be selfish and write about my own world. The original intent of these postings were to talk about my racing and training, and to raise awareness for HHT. Obviously there is more going on outside my own personal bubble that seems to take on more importance. But today, I'm being egocentric. The more important stuff of life, for the moment, will remain in my periphery.
Up until January of this year, I have been self coached, with more than a bit of help from my running/triathlete friends. This year,I took my training down a different path and joined a multisport team, BBMC. Blake Becker is a pro triathlete that I met a few years ago through a co-worker. I had considered hiring him at the time to personally coach me through my first attempt at Ironman. I had a really hard time deciding if this was the direction I should go. I was really apprehensive about giving up control over my training, and wondering if this young guy could really help this middle-aged triathlete wannabe with more than a few issues! Then there was the cost...we just couldn't swing it. So I decided to continue on my own. Of course, I didn't finish IM 2009 on my own....there are so many people that helped my cross that finish line. Especially my angel Katie, who developed my training plan, trained with me, and ended up knowing how my body was responding better that I did! I've always told her she should become a coach. She decided get pregnant with twins instead! :-)
Blake and I re-connected through Facebook last summer, and he graciously helped me a bit with my training for Pigman. His input and advice was so helpful, and he's more than a little responsible for my best triathlon performance so far. When he told me that he was putting together a team for this season, I was so excited! I felt it would be the ideal situation for me. I would get the benefit of group training along with Blake's support. And I really liked Blake's plan to include friends and family whenever possible, realizing how important and beneficial their support can be.
But I was still nervous. I only knew Blake, and Julie, who is one of Blake's athletes that I met at Masters swim. The team would consist of up to 30 athletes, and we had the opportunity to join group runs, cycling classes, and a team swim. GULP!! All of my insecurities and negative brain chatter were rearing their ugly heads. How would I ever manage to keep up with everyone? Would this be too much for this increasingly creaky body? Would the TRX classes...aka..."torture" classes that Blake recommends KILL me?? (;-)) Again, over and over I come to this place. I love this sport so much! How far can I go? Am I willing to step WAY out of my comfort zone and take a different approach to my training?
We started team training in January. So far, I am smitten! I'm getting to know some really great people. I've learned that they come from varied athletic backgrounds....some new to the sport, and others very seasoned athletes who have been doing this for years, and still others who are making a return to triathlon after some time away. I've learned that although this still feels new to me, I really have been at this awhile and have a bit more experience than I allow myself to recognize. I am leaning that every training session, I learn even more. And I am surviving TRX....BARELY!! ;-)
It has been challenging in a few ways. The group training and TRX classes are done on the west side of Madison, so I'm having to drive 30 minutes one way, several times a week. Definitely eats up a ton of time...and GAS! :-O While the training volume isn't too bad yet, the intensity of the workouts has increased a few notches. In preparation for the Green Bay Marathon, only two months away, my running mileage has increased. And something VERY different for me...the group Sunday afternoon swim AFTER my long Sunday morning runs! Lordy, there have only been a few of these so far, but they are hard!! Blake has been very encouraging and insist that these swims will help my legs recover faster. So far, I do NOT feel this during those swims!
Interestingly, my legs, pelvis, and hips DO feel better...Monday morning anyway! They are still not very happy on Sunday night, but I seem to be recovered enough to get in a quality group run on Tuesday nights. This morning was my first 12 miler in many months. I was already tired from this weeks training, and I didn't have high hopes that it would go well. It went....very well!! It started out slow as usual, and I felt soooo stiff. At mile 5 I was to run for 60 minutes at 15 seconds faster than marathon pace. I thought, "no way", but I will do my best. It was even better. I couldn't believe it!! Again...so grateful.
I decided to forgo the group swim for today. The winds were blowing, and I needed to lean a different way. Mike and I have a very busy week ahead. On Friday he will leave and be gone for over a week. Today is our one day together, and we will spend the rest of our Sunday uninterrupted!
Balance...it takes constant work to maintain, but completely worth the effort :-)
Enjoy this day!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Chaos
What I wouldn't give to be able to rewind through the past three weeks and stop, pause, and hang on to Superbowl Sunday. No talk of Governor Walker's budget proposal, collective bargaining, protests, rally's, lay-offs, tea party's, uncertainty, political unrest in Libya, $3.40 per gallon gas prices...etc. Just the 3 P's, family, love, feelings of euphoria, snow angels. Reality has hit in a big way, and I am in a funk.
I am ignorant when it comes to politics. I'll be the first to admit it. It interests me on a minor level and I've placed my vote based on a variety of superficial factors. But my compromised brain can only deal with so much information. It takes all my energy to get through the day to day stuff of life. Politics has never been at the top of that list. Given the recent happenings here in Madison and around the world that past two weeks, these issues have jumped a few rungs up the life ladder. And it has put me into a seemingly unavoidable funk.
I HATE conflict and have spent my entire life trying to avoid it. I've gotten very good at distancing myself from negative feelings. It is a coping mechanism that I've perfected in response to some pretty life-altering events that have occurred. But the reality is, conflict is part of life. It too is unavoidable. I need to get better at dealing with it.
I will not go into my opinion about what is happening in our State. I have been putting more focus and energy into keeping up with what is going on...and boy am I LEARNING!! And it's looking like the majority of the people in my life may be directly impacted in a negative way. The tension at work has been so thick and the conversations have been filled with emotion, anger and anxiety. For me personally, I know the decisions that are made will affect me. I'm not sure how yet, so I'll wait and see. I will just continue to work hard and take care of my kids and staff to the best of my ability. I've been through some rough stuff, and I will be ok. But for now, I am feeling very sad. I'm sad about the strain this has put on relationships between friends, between family members, between co-workers, between marriages. I am shocked and disheartened, by what I've witnessed, what I've read, and what I've heard from some of my favorite, most-loved people in my life. I'm just not sure what to do with the jumbled mess that is my heart right now.
So I've reflexively turned to hammering it out in training. A songwriter turns to music, a novelist turns to writing, an alcoholic turns to liquor, and I move. Interestingly, I've had a great two week block of training despite the stress, or maybe it's because of it. We've ramped up the running in preparation for the Green Bay Marathon, which is only 10 weeks away! I've been biking and swimming 3x weekly, running 3-4, and going to TRX twice a week. I am THANKFUL my body is feeling so good, for the moment anyway!
What's going on in the world will play itself out, and it's consequences have yet to be realized. I just hope and pray that the potential damage to the relationships between friends, co-workers, and family from this political fall out will not be irreversible.
Take some time to enjoy this day, and each other!
I am ignorant when it comes to politics. I'll be the first to admit it. It interests me on a minor level and I've placed my vote based on a variety of superficial factors. But my compromised brain can only deal with so much information. It takes all my energy to get through the day to day stuff of life. Politics has never been at the top of that list. Given the recent happenings here in Madison and around the world that past two weeks, these issues have jumped a few rungs up the life ladder. And it has put me into a seemingly unavoidable funk.
I HATE conflict and have spent my entire life trying to avoid it. I've gotten very good at distancing myself from negative feelings. It is a coping mechanism that I've perfected in response to some pretty life-altering events that have occurred. But the reality is, conflict is part of life. It too is unavoidable. I need to get better at dealing with it.
I will not go into my opinion about what is happening in our State. I have been putting more focus and energy into keeping up with what is going on...and boy am I LEARNING!! And it's looking like the majority of the people in my life may be directly impacted in a negative way. The tension at work has been so thick and the conversations have been filled with emotion, anger and anxiety. For me personally, I know the decisions that are made will affect me. I'm not sure how yet, so I'll wait and see. I will just continue to work hard and take care of my kids and staff to the best of my ability. I've been through some rough stuff, and I will be ok. But for now, I am feeling very sad. I'm sad about the strain this has put on relationships between friends, between family members, between co-workers, between marriages. I am shocked and disheartened, by what I've witnessed, what I've read, and what I've heard from some of my favorite, most-loved people in my life. I'm just not sure what to do with the jumbled mess that is my heart right now.
So I've reflexively turned to hammering it out in training. A songwriter turns to music, a novelist turns to writing, an alcoholic turns to liquor, and I move. Interestingly, I've had a great two week block of training despite the stress, or maybe it's because of it. We've ramped up the running in preparation for the Green Bay Marathon, which is only 10 weeks away! I've been biking and swimming 3x weekly, running 3-4, and going to TRX twice a week. I am THANKFUL my body is feeling so good, for the moment anyway!
What's going on in the world will play itself out, and it's consequences have yet to be realized. I just hope and pray that the potential damage to the relationships between friends, co-workers, and family from this political fall out will not be irreversible.
Take some time to enjoy this day, and each other!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Green and Gold Lightning!
In 1996 I was working in the emergency room in a local hospital. I worked every 3rd weekend, 12 hour night shifts. I was always amazed, even back then in my relative youth...;-), at how fast those weekends would come up! At the time I was working a pm/night rotation and those weekends were challenging in more ways than one. The drive home on Monday mornings were rough! I remember that it would take all my will to keep my eyes open. At this point in my life, I feel this same way by 8:30 pm! ;-) I can't imagine being on that schedule now.
The Packers were in the Superbowl that year. Mike and I are die-hard Packer fans! (Well, admittedly Mike more than me as his love for the green and gold has always been...shall we say...excessive?? ;-))We had a great time watching Brett Favre take Mike Holmgren's team through a stellar season. And they were going to the SUPERBOWL!!! And it was my weekend to work.
I weakly attempted to switch weekends, knowing it was never going to happen. All of Wisconsin had Green and Gold fever, and my co-workers were no exception. So I went through all of the stages of grieving which included denial, rage, pleading, sobbing, praying for a different outcome, tantrums, and finally acceptance. Mike and I were invited to a friends house for the game. Since my shift started at 7, I was able to watch most of the first half. Being surrounded by my friends who were partaking fully in the celebratory fervor was a little rough. But I kept my game face on, cheered loudly, and drank my soda.
I went to work, bracing myself for what was sure to be a crazy, busy shift. I was praying to be able to at least peek every so often at the TV in the lounge to see what was happening with the game. When I got there, there was ONE patient! I was amazed!! If people was having heart attacks, or bleeding to death...they were waiting until after the game to call an ambulance! ;-) I remember that one patient. She had a bad cough and was there because she was bothering everyone at her Packer party with it! ;-) We were able to watch the rest of the game without interruption, until in the last few minutes we got a call that the ambulance was coming with one of our repeater diabetic patients. UGH! Ok, back to work. We got him settled, and got word that the Packers WON the Superbowl! Again we braced ourselves for the onslaught of the patients that were waiting for the end of the game to arrive. We got two more...that was it! I DID, however, get several phone calls from my exuberant husband and friends. They were screaming, hooting, and hollering, reminding me of all I was missing. They were making snow angels and having snow ball fights. And I was pissed! I was missing it! This was very possibly a once in a lifetime event, and I was missing it.
As I look back on how I felt, I'm ashamed. I should have been grateful that I had such an amazing job to go to and the ability to do it. That I had the opportunity to positively affect the lives of my patients, and to work with some incredibly gifted people. But all of those years ago, on that day, I was pissed and resentful. NOT my proudest moment! :-(
Fast forward 14 years. Green and Gold lightning strikes twice!! This time the quarterback is Aaron Rodgers and the coach is a different Mike. I am still a big fan, but MY Mike's love for the Packers has grown even more extreme! (He even wore one of those hand-made Packer bracelets that we found while we were in Mexico. YES!! We were able to watch the NFC Championships while there....beyond FUN!! :-)) I did not have to work for the game! Rachel even flew home from Connecticut to be with us. We had two of the 3 P's....Pizza, (Fillipo's no less), Packers, and instead of pajamas, we wore our Packer garb. My sister was with us. The grandkitties were with us. The game was a nail biter, coming down to the last few minutes. Victory was celebrated with a second generation of snow angels, created by Ted and Phil. I was drinking beverages that were completely different from soda! It was PERFECT!! (Well, except for Bluto getting sick from eating a HUGE bowl of cat food meant for my grandkitties. Poor Bluto...talk about food hangover!! :-O)
I will use the word grateful,(which I vow to use in every post on this blog), for the fact that in this case, I'm so happy lightning did strike twice!
Enjoy this day!
The Packers were in the Superbowl that year. Mike and I are die-hard Packer fans! (Well, admittedly Mike more than me as his love for the green and gold has always been...shall we say...excessive?? ;-))We had a great time watching Brett Favre take Mike Holmgren's team through a stellar season. And they were going to the SUPERBOWL!!! And it was my weekend to work.
I weakly attempted to switch weekends, knowing it was never going to happen. All of Wisconsin had Green and Gold fever, and my co-workers were no exception. So I went through all of the stages of grieving which included denial, rage, pleading, sobbing, praying for a different outcome, tantrums, and finally acceptance. Mike and I were invited to a friends house for the game. Since my shift started at 7, I was able to watch most of the first half. Being surrounded by my friends who were partaking fully in the celebratory fervor was a little rough. But I kept my game face on, cheered loudly, and drank my soda.
I went to work, bracing myself for what was sure to be a crazy, busy shift. I was praying to be able to at least peek every so often at the TV in the lounge to see what was happening with the game. When I got there, there was ONE patient! I was amazed!! If people was having heart attacks, or bleeding to death...they were waiting until after the game to call an ambulance! ;-) I remember that one patient. She had a bad cough and was there because she was bothering everyone at her Packer party with it! ;-) We were able to watch the rest of the game without interruption, until in the last few minutes we got a call that the ambulance was coming with one of our repeater diabetic patients. UGH! Ok, back to work. We got him settled, and got word that the Packers WON the Superbowl! Again we braced ourselves for the onslaught of the patients that were waiting for the end of the game to arrive. We got two more...that was it! I DID, however, get several phone calls from my exuberant husband and friends. They were screaming, hooting, and hollering, reminding me of all I was missing. They were making snow angels and having snow ball fights. And I was pissed! I was missing it! This was very possibly a once in a lifetime event, and I was missing it.
As I look back on how I felt, I'm ashamed. I should have been grateful that I had such an amazing job to go to and the ability to do it. That I had the opportunity to positively affect the lives of my patients, and to work with some incredibly gifted people. But all of those years ago, on that day, I was pissed and resentful. NOT my proudest moment! :-(
Fast forward 14 years. Green and Gold lightning strikes twice!! This time the quarterback is Aaron Rodgers and the coach is a different Mike. I am still a big fan, but MY Mike's love for the Packers has grown even more extreme! (He even wore one of those hand-made Packer bracelets that we found while we were in Mexico. YES!! We were able to watch the NFC Championships while there....beyond FUN!! :-)) I did not have to work for the game! Rachel even flew home from Connecticut to be with us. We had two of the 3 P's....Pizza, (Fillipo's no less), Packers, and instead of pajamas, we wore our Packer garb. My sister was with us. The grandkitties were with us. The game was a nail biter, coming down to the last few minutes. Victory was celebrated with a second generation of snow angels, created by Ted and Phil. I was drinking beverages that were completely different from soda! It was PERFECT!! (Well, except for Bluto getting sick from eating a HUGE bowl of cat food meant for my grandkitties. Poor Bluto...talk about food hangover!! :-O)
I will use the word grateful,(which I vow to use in every post on this blog), for the fact that in this case, I'm so happy lightning did strike twice!
Enjoy this day!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Whatever the reason...
For the past several months, my runs have been less than ideal. The pain has been chronic, starting at about mile 3. I will then hurt for about 1-2 days, it will ease, and then start again after a run. Still, I have had beautiful moments that help keep my love of running alive. The stunning sunsets, the stillness of a cold day without a breeze, that morning when a layer of frost covered the trees and the sun made them sparkle like diamonds. Tonight I raced the darkening day after work to get in a 3-5 miler. As I drove home after 4 pm, my thoughts were conflicted. I was prepared race home, take the dogs out quick and feed them, and put on my 4 layers of running clothes that I had so efficiently laid out this morning. And I just wasn't feeling it. The day was dark and gloomy with the prediction of snow tonight. I really struggle when there is no sun! Since I had already had some trainer time this morning before work, I was easily talking myself out of the run.
But there was no wind, it was above 20, and the roads were fairly dry. They wouldn't be tomorrow. So I bundled up and headed out.
I had the best run I've had in months. One of those when you feel like you can run forever! I ran 5 miles and had very little pain. What a gift!!! I had begun to wonder if it would ever feel this good again!
I have no idea why today was so different then it's been, but I'll take it and be grateful.
Enjoy this day....or what's left of it! :-)
But there was no wind, it was above 20, and the roads were fairly dry. They wouldn't be tomorrow. So I bundled up and headed out.
I had the best run I've had in months. One of those when you feel like you can run forever! I ran 5 miles and had very little pain. What a gift!!! I had begun to wonder if it would ever feel this good again!
I have no idea why today was so different then it's been, but I'll take it and be grateful.
Enjoy this day....or what's left of it! :-)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The Top Five
I LOVE my trainer! Not a human trainer, but my Kinetic trainer Mike surprised me with last Christmas. (Thank you again and again honey!!). A "trainer" is a device that you attach your bike too, allowing you to ride your bike indoors. Many athletes do not like to use them, preferring instead to go to spin classes, or braving the wintery/icy/stormy outdoor conditions. My Sister-in-laws brother, (THAT"S a mouthful!), Rob lives in Cedar Rapids Iowa. He's an accomplished cyclist, and rides outdoors despite the snow, ice, and bitter cold. I think he is completely nuts! I have a hard time getting out there if it's less then 70!!! But I simply LOVE my trainer....did I tell you that already? ;-) I can read, listen to music, watch tv, get up and go to the bathroom, or close my eyes and not worry about getting shmucked by cars or farming equipment.
What I love to do the most is watch a movie. I'll watch half if it's a shorter ride, or up to two for the longer rides. (Two is my limit indoors!) This week I watched, "High Fidelity", the 2000 movie with John Cusack. He was one of my favorite actors, but I guess he's been off the radar lately. (For those who were teenagers of the 80's....who DOESN"T think that the scene in "Say Anything" where he's holding the boom box over his head as it blares out Peter Gabriels "In Your Eyes" wasn't one of the BEST movie scenes EVER????) I forgot how much I loved "High Fidelity". It was the first movie the I saw Jack Black in....and in my opinion he almost steals the movie. His rendition of Marvin Gayes, "Let's Get it On" at the end of the movie is priceless!
One of the themes of the movie is the "Top Five". John Cusack's character decides which old girlfriends make up his "top five breakups" list. He feels this strong need to re-connect with these girls to try and find out why they broke up with him. This theme plays throughout the movie. Since his character owns a record store, music plays a major role. It's fascinating to learn what everyone's "top five" play lists are!
Ever since I watched the movie earlier in the week, (over the coarse of two dates with my "trainer"! ;-)), I've been thinking about my top 5 lists. Top 5 break-ups? Ummmm....I married my 3rd boyfriend, so that list is pretty short! Top 5 play list? That changes all the time, mostly depending on what I am doing. My latest top 5 workout songs are...1, 2, 3, and 4,anything by my newly found obsession, the band Incubus, top song is a tie between "Warning", and "Black Heart Intertia". A little strange, and as is typical for me, discovered them well after they became popular. Ironically, they seemed to have peaked around the time of this movie! Number 5 would be the Foo Fighters, "Times Like These". LOVE that song!
Top 5 moments of the week:
1. Rachel's safe arrival in Connecticut.
2. The day spent with Robyn as she helped me with 7th grade vision screening at school. We both agreed that this was the BEST 7th grade class in terms of behaviors and politeness. It went sooooo smooth, and Robyn was fantastic with those kids!
3. My little kindergarten student, who after he fell on his face at recess and had a gusher out of his nose, very sweetly looked up at me and said, "thank you" as I was cleaning up his face!! God, I love my job!! :-)
4. Finding out that, at least as far as the physicians at the HHT Center in St Louis are concerned, I am the "rarest of the rare" with having a spinal cord AVM, but that the fact that I'm not having any symptoms is very re-assuring!! More tests next week!!
5. My conversation with Rachel this morning. What perspective she has, she just amazes me.
What is your top 5 of the week? Day? Year? Lifetime?
Enjoy this day! :-D
What I love to do the most is watch a movie. I'll watch half if it's a shorter ride, or up to two for the longer rides. (Two is my limit indoors!) This week I watched, "High Fidelity", the 2000 movie with John Cusack. He was one of my favorite actors, but I guess he's been off the radar lately. (For those who were teenagers of the 80's....who DOESN"T think that the scene in "Say Anything" where he's holding the boom box over his head as it blares out Peter Gabriels "In Your Eyes" wasn't one of the BEST movie scenes EVER????) I forgot how much I loved "High Fidelity". It was the first movie the I saw Jack Black in....and in my opinion he almost steals the movie. His rendition of Marvin Gayes, "Let's Get it On" at the end of the movie is priceless!
One of the themes of the movie is the "Top Five". John Cusack's character decides which old girlfriends make up his "top five breakups" list. He feels this strong need to re-connect with these girls to try and find out why they broke up with him. This theme plays throughout the movie. Since his character owns a record store, music plays a major role. It's fascinating to learn what everyone's "top five" play lists are!
Ever since I watched the movie earlier in the week, (over the coarse of two dates with my "trainer"! ;-)), I've been thinking about my top 5 lists. Top 5 break-ups? Ummmm....I married my 3rd boyfriend, so that list is pretty short! Top 5 play list? That changes all the time, mostly depending on what I am doing. My latest top 5 workout songs are...1, 2, 3, and 4,anything by my newly found obsession, the band Incubus, top song is a tie between "Warning", and "Black Heart Intertia". A little strange, and as is typical for me, discovered them well after they became popular. Ironically, they seemed to have peaked around the time of this movie! Number 5 would be the Foo Fighters, "Times Like These". LOVE that song!
Top 5 moments of the week:
1. Rachel's safe arrival in Connecticut.
2. The day spent with Robyn as she helped me with 7th grade vision screening at school. We both agreed that this was the BEST 7th grade class in terms of behaviors and politeness. It went sooooo smooth, and Robyn was fantastic with those kids!
3. My little kindergarten student, who after he fell on his face at recess and had a gusher out of his nose, very sweetly looked up at me and said, "thank you" as I was cleaning up his face!! God, I love my job!! :-)
4. Finding out that, at least as far as the physicians at the HHT Center in St Louis are concerned, I am the "rarest of the rare" with having a spinal cord AVM, but that the fact that I'm not having any symptoms is very re-assuring!! More tests next week!!
5. My conversation with Rachel this morning. What perspective she has, she just amazes me.
What is your top 5 of the week? Day? Year? Lifetime?
Enjoy this day! :-D
Monday, January 3, 2011
A three "P" day.
We have started a new activity in our family during this football season. It's called a 3P Sunday. Pajamas, Packer game, and Pizza! (Or pork roast and potato balls if it takes place around a holiday! ;-)) The girls come over with their boyfriends, and lately with Marcus and Victor, the Grand kitties in tow. We sit around and eat snacks, drink a little beer...well, Mike and Ted do anyway, and watch the game. Now, I usually irritate everyone by NOT sitting for very long as I continue follow my urge to putter incessantly. But yesterday I used the fact that this was to be our last 3P day until pre-season begins in August, and our last dinner together before Rachel left in the morning, to sit my butt down and focus on the game! We kept the mood up-beat despite the difficult time we were all having keeping Rachel's leaving in the back of our minds, and the lack of any significant offense on the part of the Packers for the majority of the game.
Before the kids arrived, I ran 8 plus miles outside. I couldn't resist the bright sun, the dry roads, and the temp reaching almost 20 degrees! I dressed in 4 layers, wore one hat and two hoods into the wind, and 2 pairs of gloves with hand warmers. I was comfortable....YEAH! Until he pain in my hips and pelvis started at mile 4, but my pace improved, and I just continue to ignore. A few hours latter, my plan to park it during the game was made easier by the pain. It seemed worse than usual, and I let myself slide into my funk...and the 4th "P" that I repeatedly call the "pity party". If it hurts this bad now, what is it going to be like in a few months when training becomes more intense? Does it hurt this much because I KNOW it's arthritis and the sports med doc suggests no running? The power of suggestion is a powerful thing indeed!
We said good bye to Rachel this morning. Mike will be driving her there, and I'm comforted by the fact that he is with her for the next few days. There were tears, of course. They've been coming off and on all day. I went to work for an hour, and then had to go for my MRI of the spine. Scanning the entire spine required me to lay still on my back for two hours. It wasn't too bad until the last half hour, my pelvis and hips were NOT happy! I needed help off the table, but once I got moving the pain eased.
It's funny, for some reason the fact that I have this AVM on my spinal cord...while it concerns me, I just can't get my mind around it. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. My brain will not allow it any deeper then a superficial thought secondary to emotional overload. I attend to Rachel's leaving, and the pain with running. Those are easy stimuli to react to. I'll deal with the rest when I need to.
Two things brought me out of the cloudy funk. The first, speaking with a co-worker who is going through a pretty difficult time right now. We shared a hug and a few tears. We agreed it was an emotional day for both of us. Again I was reminded that we ALL face challenges and situations that require us to play the hand we are dealt. I also felt anger that this lovely person got a particularity crappy hand, and I was angry at my self for staying at my own pity party for too long.
Then I received a hand-written letter in today's mail from Rachel. It was written to Mike and I, and as I read it, my tears became sobs. I simply couldn't believe how I could be so blessed! She thanked us for supporting her, for being great parents, and for being her friend. There was so much love in her words and the letter was written so eloquently...well...there are no words to convey how I felt reading this. The timing was perfect...and I felt that perfect bliss yet again.
The Packers won the game. They are in the playoffs as a wild card team! The perfect end to our last 3P Sunday!! :-)
Enjoy this day!
Before the kids arrived, I ran 8 plus miles outside. I couldn't resist the bright sun, the dry roads, and the temp reaching almost 20 degrees! I dressed in 4 layers, wore one hat and two hoods into the wind, and 2 pairs of gloves with hand warmers. I was comfortable....YEAH! Until he pain in my hips and pelvis started at mile 4, but my pace improved, and I just continue to ignore. A few hours latter, my plan to park it during the game was made easier by the pain. It seemed worse than usual, and I let myself slide into my funk...and the 4th "P" that I repeatedly call the "pity party". If it hurts this bad now, what is it going to be like in a few months when training becomes more intense? Does it hurt this much because I KNOW it's arthritis and the sports med doc suggests no running? The power of suggestion is a powerful thing indeed!
We said good bye to Rachel this morning. Mike will be driving her there, and I'm comforted by the fact that he is with her for the next few days. There were tears, of course. They've been coming off and on all day. I went to work for an hour, and then had to go for my MRI of the spine. Scanning the entire spine required me to lay still on my back for two hours. It wasn't too bad until the last half hour, my pelvis and hips were NOT happy! I needed help off the table, but once I got moving the pain eased.
It's funny, for some reason the fact that I have this AVM on my spinal cord...while it concerns me, I just can't get my mind around it. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. My brain will not allow it any deeper then a superficial thought secondary to emotional overload. I attend to Rachel's leaving, and the pain with running. Those are easy stimuli to react to. I'll deal with the rest when I need to.
Two things brought me out of the cloudy funk. The first, speaking with a co-worker who is going through a pretty difficult time right now. We shared a hug and a few tears. We agreed it was an emotional day for both of us. Again I was reminded that we ALL face challenges and situations that require us to play the hand we are dealt. I also felt anger that this lovely person got a particularity crappy hand, and I was angry at my self for staying at my own pity party for too long.
Then I received a hand-written letter in today's mail from Rachel. It was written to Mike and I, and as I read it, my tears became sobs. I simply couldn't believe how I could be so blessed! She thanked us for supporting her, for being great parents, and for being her friend. There was so much love in her words and the letter was written so eloquently...well...there are no words to convey how I felt reading this. The timing was perfect...and I felt that perfect bliss yet again.
The Packers won the game. They are in the playoffs as a wild card team! The perfect end to our last 3P Sunday!! :-)
Enjoy this day!
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