For the past several months, my runs have been less than ideal. The pain has been chronic, starting at about mile 3. I will then hurt for about 1-2 days, it will ease, and then start again after a run. Still, I have had beautiful moments that help keep my love of running alive. The stunning sunsets, the stillness of a cold day without a breeze, that morning when a layer of frost covered the trees and the sun made them sparkle like diamonds. Tonight I raced the darkening day after work to get in a 3-5 miler. As I drove home after 4 pm, my thoughts were conflicted. I was prepared race home, take the dogs out quick and feed them, and put on my 4 layers of running clothes that I had so efficiently laid out this morning. And I just wasn't feeling it. The day was dark and gloomy with the prediction of snow tonight. I really struggle when there is no sun! Since I had already had some trainer time this morning before work, I was easily talking myself out of the run.
But there was no wind, it was above 20, and the roads were fairly dry. They wouldn't be tomorrow. So I bundled up and headed out.
I had the best run I've had in months. One of those when you feel like you can run forever! I ran 5 miles and had very little pain. What a gift!!! I had begun to wonder if it would ever feel this good again!
I have no idea why today was so different then it's been, but I'll take it and be grateful.
Enjoy this day....or what's left of it! :-)
Monday, January 10, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The Top Five
I LOVE my trainer! Not a human trainer, but my Kinetic trainer Mike surprised me with last Christmas. (Thank you again and again honey!!). A "trainer" is a device that you attach your bike too, allowing you to ride your bike indoors. Many athletes do not like to use them, preferring instead to go to spin classes, or braving the wintery/icy/stormy outdoor conditions. My Sister-in-laws brother, (THAT"S a mouthful!), Rob lives in Cedar Rapids Iowa. He's an accomplished cyclist, and rides outdoors despite the snow, ice, and bitter cold. I think he is completely nuts! I have a hard time getting out there if it's less then 70!!! But I simply LOVE my trainer....did I tell you that already? ;-) I can read, listen to music, watch tv, get up and go to the bathroom, or close my eyes and not worry about getting shmucked by cars or farming equipment.
What I love to do the most is watch a movie. I'll watch half if it's a shorter ride, or up to two for the longer rides. (Two is my limit indoors!) This week I watched, "High Fidelity", the 2000 movie with John Cusack. He was one of my favorite actors, but I guess he's been off the radar lately. (For those who were teenagers of the 80's....who DOESN"T think that the scene in "Say Anything" where he's holding the boom box over his head as it blares out Peter Gabriels "In Your Eyes" wasn't one of the BEST movie scenes EVER????) I forgot how much I loved "High Fidelity". It was the first movie the I saw Jack Black in....and in my opinion he almost steals the movie. His rendition of Marvin Gayes, "Let's Get it On" at the end of the movie is priceless!
One of the themes of the movie is the "Top Five". John Cusack's character decides which old girlfriends make up his "top five breakups" list. He feels this strong need to re-connect with these girls to try and find out why they broke up with him. This theme plays throughout the movie. Since his character owns a record store, music plays a major role. It's fascinating to learn what everyone's "top five" play lists are!
Ever since I watched the movie earlier in the week, (over the coarse of two dates with my "trainer"! ;-)), I've been thinking about my top 5 lists. Top 5 break-ups? Ummmm....I married my 3rd boyfriend, so that list is pretty short! Top 5 play list? That changes all the time, mostly depending on what I am doing. My latest top 5 workout songs are...1, 2, 3, and 4,anything by my newly found obsession, the band Incubus, top song is a tie between "Warning", and "Black Heart Intertia". A little strange, and as is typical for me, discovered them well after they became popular. Ironically, they seemed to have peaked around the time of this movie! Number 5 would be the Foo Fighters, "Times Like These". LOVE that song!
Top 5 moments of the week:
1. Rachel's safe arrival in Connecticut.
2. The day spent with Robyn as she helped me with 7th grade vision screening at school. We both agreed that this was the BEST 7th grade class in terms of behaviors and politeness. It went sooooo smooth, and Robyn was fantastic with those kids!
3. My little kindergarten student, who after he fell on his face at recess and had a gusher out of his nose, very sweetly looked up at me and said, "thank you" as I was cleaning up his face!! God, I love my job!! :-)
4. Finding out that, at least as far as the physicians at the HHT Center in St Louis are concerned, I am the "rarest of the rare" with having a spinal cord AVM, but that the fact that I'm not having any symptoms is very re-assuring!! More tests next week!!
5. My conversation with Rachel this morning. What perspective she has, she just amazes me.
What is your top 5 of the week? Day? Year? Lifetime?
Enjoy this day! :-D
What I love to do the most is watch a movie. I'll watch half if it's a shorter ride, or up to two for the longer rides. (Two is my limit indoors!) This week I watched, "High Fidelity", the 2000 movie with John Cusack. He was one of my favorite actors, but I guess he's been off the radar lately. (For those who were teenagers of the 80's....who DOESN"T think that the scene in "Say Anything" where he's holding the boom box over his head as it blares out Peter Gabriels "In Your Eyes" wasn't one of the BEST movie scenes EVER????) I forgot how much I loved "High Fidelity". It was the first movie the I saw Jack Black in....and in my opinion he almost steals the movie. His rendition of Marvin Gayes, "Let's Get it On" at the end of the movie is priceless!
One of the themes of the movie is the "Top Five". John Cusack's character decides which old girlfriends make up his "top five breakups" list. He feels this strong need to re-connect with these girls to try and find out why they broke up with him. This theme plays throughout the movie. Since his character owns a record store, music plays a major role. It's fascinating to learn what everyone's "top five" play lists are!
Ever since I watched the movie earlier in the week, (over the coarse of two dates with my "trainer"! ;-)), I've been thinking about my top 5 lists. Top 5 break-ups? Ummmm....I married my 3rd boyfriend, so that list is pretty short! Top 5 play list? That changes all the time, mostly depending on what I am doing. My latest top 5 workout songs are...1, 2, 3, and 4,anything by my newly found obsession, the band Incubus, top song is a tie between "Warning", and "Black Heart Intertia". A little strange, and as is typical for me, discovered them well after they became popular. Ironically, they seemed to have peaked around the time of this movie! Number 5 would be the Foo Fighters, "Times Like These". LOVE that song!
Top 5 moments of the week:
1. Rachel's safe arrival in Connecticut.
2. The day spent with Robyn as she helped me with 7th grade vision screening at school. We both agreed that this was the BEST 7th grade class in terms of behaviors and politeness. It went sooooo smooth, and Robyn was fantastic with those kids!
3. My little kindergarten student, who after he fell on his face at recess and had a gusher out of his nose, very sweetly looked up at me and said, "thank you" as I was cleaning up his face!! God, I love my job!! :-)
4. Finding out that, at least as far as the physicians at the HHT Center in St Louis are concerned, I am the "rarest of the rare" with having a spinal cord AVM, but that the fact that I'm not having any symptoms is very re-assuring!! More tests next week!!
5. My conversation with Rachel this morning. What perspective she has, she just amazes me.
What is your top 5 of the week? Day? Year? Lifetime?
Enjoy this day! :-D
Monday, January 3, 2011
A three "P" day.
We have started a new activity in our family during this football season. It's called a 3P Sunday. Pajamas, Packer game, and Pizza! (Or pork roast and potato balls if it takes place around a holiday! ;-)) The girls come over with their boyfriends, and lately with Marcus and Victor, the Grand kitties in tow. We sit around and eat snacks, drink a little beer...well, Mike and Ted do anyway, and watch the game. Now, I usually irritate everyone by NOT sitting for very long as I continue follow my urge to putter incessantly. But yesterday I used the fact that this was to be our last 3P day until pre-season begins in August, and our last dinner together before Rachel left in the morning, to sit my butt down and focus on the game! We kept the mood up-beat despite the difficult time we were all having keeping Rachel's leaving in the back of our minds, and the lack of any significant offense on the part of the Packers for the majority of the game.
Before the kids arrived, I ran 8 plus miles outside. I couldn't resist the bright sun, the dry roads, and the temp reaching almost 20 degrees! I dressed in 4 layers, wore one hat and two hoods into the wind, and 2 pairs of gloves with hand warmers. I was comfortable....YEAH! Until he pain in my hips and pelvis started at mile 4, but my pace improved, and I just continue to ignore. A few hours latter, my plan to park it during the game was made easier by the pain. It seemed worse than usual, and I let myself slide into my funk...and the 4th "P" that I repeatedly call the "pity party". If it hurts this bad now, what is it going to be like in a few months when training becomes more intense? Does it hurt this much because I KNOW it's arthritis and the sports med doc suggests no running? The power of suggestion is a powerful thing indeed!
We said good bye to Rachel this morning. Mike will be driving her there, and I'm comforted by the fact that he is with her for the next few days. There were tears, of course. They've been coming off and on all day. I went to work for an hour, and then had to go for my MRI of the spine. Scanning the entire spine required me to lay still on my back for two hours. It wasn't too bad until the last half hour, my pelvis and hips were NOT happy! I needed help off the table, but once I got moving the pain eased.
It's funny, for some reason the fact that I have this AVM on my spinal cord...while it concerns me, I just can't get my mind around it. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. My brain will not allow it any deeper then a superficial thought secondary to emotional overload. I attend to Rachel's leaving, and the pain with running. Those are easy stimuli to react to. I'll deal with the rest when I need to.
Two things brought me out of the cloudy funk. The first, speaking with a co-worker who is going through a pretty difficult time right now. We shared a hug and a few tears. We agreed it was an emotional day for both of us. Again I was reminded that we ALL face challenges and situations that require us to play the hand we are dealt. I also felt anger that this lovely person got a particularity crappy hand, and I was angry at my self for staying at my own pity party for too long.
Then I received a hand-written letter in today's mail from Rachel. It was written to Mike and I, and as I read it, my tears became sobs. I simply couldn't believe how I could be so blessed! She thanked us for supporting her, for being great parents, and for being her friend. There was so much love in her words and the letter was written so eloquently...well...there are no words to convey how I felt reading this. The timing was perfect...and I felt that perfect bliss yet again.
The Packers won the game. They are in the playoffs as a wild card team! The perfect end to our last 3P Sunday!! :-)
Enjoy this day!
Before the kids arrived, I ran 8 plus miles outside. I couldn't resist the bright sun, the dry roads, and the temp reaching almost 20 degrees! I dressed in 4 layers, wore one hat and two hoods into the wind, and 2 pairs of gloves with hand warmers. I was comfortable....YEAH! Until he pain in my hips and pelvis started at mile 4, but my pace improved, and I just continue to ignore. A few hours latter, my plan to park it during the game was made easier by the pain. It seemed worse than usual, and I let myself slide into my funk...and the 4th "P" that I repeatedly call the "pity party". If it hurts this bad now, what is it going to be like in a few months when training becomes more intense? Does it hurt this much because I KNOW it's arthritis and the sports med doc suggests no running? The power of suggestion is a powerful thing indeed!
We said good bye to Rachel this morning. Mike will be driving her there, and I'm comforted by the fact that he is with her for the next few days. There were tears, of course. They've been coming off and on all day. I went to work for an hour, and then had to go for my MRI of the spine. Scanning the entire spine required me to lay still on my back for two hours. It wasn't too bad until the last half hour, my pelvis and hips were NOT happy! I needed help off the table, but once I got moving the pain eased.
It's funny, for some reason the fact that I have this AVM on my spinal cord...while it concerns me, I just can't get my mind around it. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. My brain will not allow it any deeper then a superficial thought secondary to emotional overload. I attend to Rachel's leaving, and the pain with running. Those are easy stimuli to react to. I'll deal with the rest when I need to.
Two things brought me out of the cloudy funk. The first, speaking with a co-worker who is going through a pretty difficult time right now. We shared a hug and a few tears. We agreed it was an emotional day for both of us. Again I was reminded that we ALL face challenges and situations that require us to play the hand we are dealt. I also felt anger that this lovely person got a particularity crappy hand, and I was angry at my self for staying at my own pity party for too long.
Then I received a hand-written letter in today's mail from Rachel. It was written to Mike and I, and as I read it, my tears became sobs. I simply couldn't believe how I could be so blessed! She thanked us for supporting her, for being great parents, and for being her friend. There was so much love in her words and the letter was written so eloquently...well...there are no words to convey how I felt reading this. The timing was perfect...and I felt that perfect bliss yet again.
The Packers won the game. They are in the playoffs as a wild card team! The perfect end to our last 3P Sunday!! :-)
Enjoy this day!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Welcome 2011!!!
I write this as I sit looking out at the wind stirring up the snow on the lake. It is both beautiful and frightening, a conflict that repeats itself almost daily in my life. A prefect metaphor for the start of a brand new year.
I was reading my last post, since it's been...well...five months, and I'm again reminded of my failed commitment to keep up with this blog. Will this be a resolution to remain current and consistent with my writing? No, I don't believe in New Years resolutions. I will continue, as I always do, to try to improve in all areas in my life that need "tweaking". It's a never-ending process, no matter what the date on the calender reads!
I was brought to tears as I read the end of my last post. Our beloved Jack has been gone for five months already, and indeed time as softened the sadness. However, take away the distractions that a trip to the cabin provides, the sadness comes back, burying through the layers of time and life. I feel this is a good thing though. It's important and healthy to get to a place to remove the muffled barriers and reflect. New Years is a great time to process through the past year(s), get raw and real with the feelings that are produced, learn, grow, and move forward.
The last 5 months of 2010 brought many opportunities to face challenges and ride the roller coaster that is a full and busy life. There were moments of sheer bliss....finishing third in my age group at the Pigman Long Course Triathlon, and watching every one of my girls finish their first GOTR 5k race. I was amazed at how similar my feelings were at the finish line of those very different races. I never thought my basic selfish nature, (The largest area in my life that needs CONSTANT tweaking!), would allow for elation, fulfillment, and sense of accomplishment if it wasn't about me! I am humbled and beyond grateful to learn how wrong I was! :-)
I'm still adapting to my full-time status at work. This has been a bit easier with the addition of Patti, another full time RN!! Thank GOD the district recognized the need and supported her hiring. I can say with complete certainty...I would not have lasted much longer as the sole RN. I'm still really struggling with the day to day challenge of meeting the ever-increasing needs of the students and staff. It truly exhausts me!
There have a few developments just in the past month that have added to what I like to call,"a heavy training block". This is a reference to training loads and periodization in training schedules. I've always felt that training for athletic endeavors parallels life events and circumstance. The difference is...we rarely plan for the type of "training" that the challenges of life can bring, but we can respond similarly. We can focus on rest and recovery...eating and sleeping as well as we can...relying on friends and family to talk through the issues....and just having ONE day to cry/scream/punch pillows/eat 1/2 gallon of ice cream, throw the running shoes accross the room/drink a bottle of wine!!! (Ok, maybe not all one ONE day...;-))
I will write more about the specifics soon. But for today, as I both reflect and look forward, I'm even more committed to look at these opportunities with gratitude. I'm grateful that there is a quantifiable reason for all of the pelvic/hip pain I've been dealing with over the past 15 months. I'm grateful that with today's advances in science and technology, that we were able to find a potential AVM on my spinal cord. I WILL remain hopeful that further studies will prove that there is no reason to worry....and I am so very grateful...at least for this moment...I am relatively symptom free!
But my best reason today for feeling elated, fulfilled, excited, happy, and thankful, is that in 2 days Rachel will start a new adventure at Mystic Aquarium in Connecticut. She will be an intern working with Beluga Wales!!! That we raised a daughter with such intelligence, perseverance, drive, self reliance, and confidence fills this grateful heart to bursting!! The tears flow again.....
Happy New Year! I'm ready for you 2011....BRING IT!!
Enjoy this day!
I was reading my last post, since it's been...well...five months, and I'm again reminded of my failed commitment to keep up with this blog. Will this be a resolution to remain current and consistent with my writing? No, I don't believe in New Years resolutions. I will continue, as I always do, to try to improve in all areas in my life that need "tweaking". It's a never-ending process, no matter what the date on the calender reads!
I was brought to tears as I read the end of my last post. Our beloved Jack has been gone for five months already, and indeed time as softened the sadness. However, take away the distractions that a trip to the cabin provides, the sadness comes back, burying through the layers of time and life. I feel this is a good thing though. It's important and healthy to get to a place to remove the muffled barriers and reflect. New Years is a great time to process through the past year(s), get raw and real with the feelings that are produced, learn, grow, and move forward.
The last 5 months of 2010 brought many opportunities to face challenges and ride the roller coaster that is a full and busy life. There were moments of sheer bliss....finishing third in my age group at the Pigman Long Course Triathlon, and watching every one of my girls finish their first GOTR 5k race. I was amazed at how similar my feelings were at the finish line of those very different races. I never thought my basic selfish nature, (The largest area in my life that needs CONSTANT tweaking!), would allow for elation, fulfillment, and sense of accomplishment if it wasn't about me! I am humbled and beyond grateful to learn how wrong I was! :-)
I'm still adapting to my full-time status at work. This has been a bit easier with the addition of Patti, another full time RN!! Thank GOD the district recognized the need and supported her hiring. I can say with complete certainty...I would not have lasted much longer as the sole RN. I'm still really struggling with the day to day challenge of meeting the ever-increasing needs of the students and staff. It truly exhausts me!
There have a few developments just in the past month that have added to what I like to call,"a heavy training block". This is a reference to training loads and periodization in training schedules. I've always felt that training for athletic endeavors parallels life events and circumstance. The difference is...we rarely plan for the type of "training" that the challenges of life can bring, but we can respond similarly. We can focus on rest and recovery...eating and sleeping as well as we can...relying on friends and family to talk through the issues....and just having ONE day to cry/scream/punch pillows/eat 1/2 gallon of ice cream, throw the running shoes accross the room/drink a bottle of wine!!! (Ok, maybe not all one ONE day...;-))
I will write more about the specifics soon. But for today, as I both reflect and look forward, I'm even more committed to look at these opportunities with gratitude. I'm grateful that there is a quantifiable reason for all of the pelvic/hip pain I've been dealing with over the past 15 months. I'm grateful that with today's advances in science and technology, that we were able to find a potential AVM on my spinal cord. I WILL remain hopeful that further studies will prove that there is no reason to worry....and I am so very grateful...at least for this moment...I am relatively symptom free!
But my best reason today for feeling elated, fulfilled, excited, happy, and thankful, is that in 2 days Rachel will start a new adventure at Mystic Aquarium in Connecticut. She will be an intern working with Beluga Wales!!! That we raised a daughter with such intelligence, perseverance, drive, self reliance, and confidence fills this grateful heart to bursting!! The tears flow again.....
Happy New Year! I'm ready for you 2011....BRING IT!!
Enjoy this day!
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