Denial

I'll start this blog with gratitude first, then will try to stay as positive as I can for the duration of the post. Warning: there may be a bit of whining involved.
As I sit here with ice on my left ankle, I am grateful that the marathon is one week from this moment. I am grateful that in the two hours since I rolled it pushing my wheel barrel full of horse poop, the pain and swelling have stopped increasing. I am grateful that my last thought before the swearing began was, "I am so happy...the horses look so beautiful in the green pasture, I should get my camera!". Then...BAM!! And that's life. I am trying desperately to keep the irritation and frustration at a minimum, and to not beat myself up too badly over yet again, an incredibly stupid move on my part! :-(
10 days ago, I had another, "BAM!!" moment during the warm up of my TRX class. As I was doing a crunch, I felt a pop in my upper neck. Within a few minutes the back spasms started. The smart thing would have been to get the Hell out of there and take care of it. My stubbornness won over intelligence and I continued on with the class, hoping it would work itself out. Denial. One strategy I use to cope with the "BAM" moments in my life is to tell myself, "It's not too bad. It will work itself out" (It's that strategy that kept me from going to the hospital until the third day after my aneurysm. Apparently I still have a bit to learn, and as stated here before, I am a work in progress!) On that day, I thought, "I refuse to admit that I'm too old and uncoordinated for TRX!!" The inner dialog at this moment is this, "The pop I felt in my ankle is just a tweak. The ice will help, I am able to bear weight, and it will be fine by my run on Tuesday". Thankfully, this "head in the sand" approach seems to work for me more often than it doesn't. :-D
By the afternoon after TRX, I couldn't turn my head. My first race of the season, Crazy Legs, in which I had high hopes of breaking 40 minutes was in 3 days! UGH!!! To the doctor I went. Lots of ice and and a new appreciation for the term "Valium Hangover", and in 3 days I was good enough to attempt running. I found as long as I didn't turn my head, the spasms stayed relatively quiet. I ran Crazy Legs in 39:20!! It was a tough one for me. Shorter races are always challenging as it typically takes me that long to warm up! I ran for 20 minutes before the start to test my back and warm up the legs. The weather was sunny and cool, but very windy. Miles 3-4 were dead into the wind, and I was really feeling the pace in my stomach. Again, typical for me. I kept checking my watch and knew that I'd be close. Then I saw my team mate Randy, who of course was already finished, and that gave me the steam to finish strong! WHOO HOO!! I was so happy!
When I saw my Mom cross the finish line after her first race ever, I felt that same feeling I got with my Girls on the Run. I was so proud of her! She really stepped outside of her comfort zone to do this with me. She has had a spinal fusion with chronic back and hip pain, and numbness in her leg. She also has HHT and deals with GI bleeding. She has watched me over the past 9 years, do what I do, and says I inspire her. (She's my Mom, she HAS to say that! ;-)) She has gone from walking for 1/2 mile, to walking 6 miles most days a week. She spends hours upon hours in the summer swimming in her lake. And now she can relate even more to what I've been conveying for the past 9 years. She got it. She felt the passion and love. She discovered the drive, the need to keep moving forward despite the pain. It did not take her long to talk about how she can be even faster next year. YES, she wants to do it again!! And this time, she will know the course and not wonder where the heck she is going!! ;-) Her brother, my "UB", walked the two miles easily, and vowed to run the whole 8K next year. He too has had multiple back surgeries, and is severely affected by having HHT. His lung involvement makes life, at times, very challenging for him. And yet over the past year, he has walked many, many miles at a pace that is difficult to keep up with! Again, I felt the joy and fulfillment that comes from witnessing someone you love discover their own bliss, in a way they never thought possible.
The neck pain and back spasms have subsided. The new pain in my ankle will go away, hopefully in time for Green Bay. But the feeling in my heart, the excitement I felt when I saw my Mom come into Camp Randal Stadium, when I saw my UB and auntie LiLi sitting in the stands waiting for me, will stay in there tucked away with all of the other priceless moments I have experienced. There is no denying that! :-D
Happy Mother's Day....enjoy it!!