Change

Earlier this week I was really struggling emotionally with a big change in my life. I have had horses for almost 20 years. We've had them here on our six acre farmette of 16 years which we turned into a boarding facility. This had been my dream since I was five. Mike lovingly supported this passion, not only financially, (He frequently wore a t-shirt that said, "My wife owns horses...this shirt is financed!"), but with a tremendous amount of work and sacrifice. Over the past several years my interest have shifted to all things running, biking, and swimming. Throughout this transition, I kept a grip on the idea that I can do it all. I can ride and care for my horses while I train, work, raise a family, maintain relationships with those I love, and the other daily commitments we all deal with. Mike likes to say, " Putting ten pounds of poop, [aka...**it!] in a five pound bag!!" Well, the smelly bag has been overflowing for too long. Is it the HHT? Or simply being over 40...even if only slightly? ;-) Fatigue has become a familiar enemy that I battle with daily. It impacts me in ways that affect everything I do. In trying to live life to it's fullest and not waste any moment I'm on this earth, I too often live these moments in a fog. I call it "brain mush". So Monday, after a painful process lasting three years, we drove my two horses to their new homes. I sold the youngster Slim. He has a wonderful new Mom named Holly. She is 17 years old and is perfect for Slim! I really am happy for them both. My old guy Dudley...he is 25 and I've owned him for 13 years... is housed in a stable less then a mile away. The barn manager there is Carol. Do you know how when you meet somebody and you have an instant connection? I feel that with Carol. She will help lessen some of the burden of caring for Dudley. Tuesday morning, for the first time in many years, I had no horses to take care of. It felt foreign, wrong, and I felt sad.
We frequently hear, "Change is inevitable". We all experience it with every milestone, every passing year, every birth, death, babies first steps, graduation, divorce, marriage, tragedy, illness, move....the list goes on and on. It's part of life. And so is adaptation. I realize full well how blessed I am to have had these opportunities. I've had the freedom and circumstance to make these choices, to have these amazingly wonderful experiences. I just needed to remind myself while I was wallowing in these negative feelings, that really...this is all part of the ride. I am beyond thankful that for a majority of the time, I've gotten to pick which road to take, and have been able to fix MOST of the flat tires!! I know one day, there will be too much damage to fix. We will all get to that place. Until then, just keep on peddling!! ( Ahhh...enough with the metaphors, right?)
I slept in until almost 7 this morning. It felt YUMMY!! :-)
Enjoy this day!

Visit my facebook page!

It is definitely a work in progress. It's also been an exercise in frustration!!! :-( I am very technically and internet challenged. I would much rather be outside on this beautiful morning planting the rest of my flowers then sitting here fighting my way through this set up. But it's already worth it given all that I have learned! I just want to reach as many people as possible with information about HHT and my fund raising efforts. Visit my page on Facebook if you get a chance. I welcome ALL suggestions!!! :-)
Part of my challenge with working on computers has to do with my visual impairment. I have what is called Right Homonymous Hemianopsia. (It took me almost a year after my surgery to be able to say this correctly!! ;-)) The part of my brain where the CAVM ruptured and the subsequent surgery to repair it damaged my right optic nerve. I have very little right peripheral vision. In place of images in my right visual field, I see waves and flashes of multicolored light. I see "Northern Lights", which are very beautiful to be sure, but they block all of the things I'm trying to see on my right side. When I read, I am constantly reading into my blind spot. Driving was, and still is, a major issue!! It is a very long story, but the short of it is I had to learn to read and drive all over again using new visual strategies. I had to pass another road test to demonstrate that I could drive safely. I do have a HUGE rear view mirror in my car that helps tremendously. Over the years I nave really gotten used to compensating for this unique way of seeing, but working on the computer is still a challenge and can become very fatiguing. Again, it's so much better then it used to be. I just quit when I get tired, and head outside for some exposure to natural light engage in anything physical to get the blood pumping!
So, I'm headed out now to do just that. Look out flowers, here I come!
Enjoy this day!!! :-)

A Green Bay story.

Soooo, I ate my way through the rest of taper week, and by the end I was wondering if my running shorts were going to fit. Thankfully they did! While I was anxious to run the race itself, what I was really looking forward to is spending a little "girl" time with my friends for the weekend. Dana, Alicia, Erica and I headed to Green Bay on Friday. The girls were running the half-marathon, and for Al and Erica this was their first race ever! Dana and I have run the Virginia Beach half-marathon together twice. We happily shared our war stories and experiences of flying into a hurricane, flooded hotel rooms, racing in the heat, and drunken sailors. Our intention was to entertain them and calm their anxieties. I think we just scared them even more!
We spent the night and the next day just relaxing...and of course...you can probably guess by now....EATING!! (Told you I can get redundant!!) We went to the race expo on Saturday to pick up our packets, and engage in Dana's favorite activity....SHOPPPING!! She is the best power shopper I know. She has a great sense of style. Her influence has enabled me to break away from my jeans/t-shirt/sweatshirt look to one that's a little more sophisticated. She was in her happy place! I manged to restrain myself and purchased two shirts. WHEW! ;-)
I woke up race morning a bundle of nerves. We were all nervous and feeding off each other. Except for Erica. She has a quiet soul and was very calm, outwardly at least. She was pretty quiet, but I could tell she was excited.
We had been worried about the weather. It was predicted to be very cold, and the wind on Saturday was brutal! Luckily the wind had died down. It was about 30 degrees at the start but with full sun the temperature rose nicely. All in all, it was great running weather! I started out feeling pretty good. By mile 8 I was considering dropping to the half....I felt that bad. My legs were wobbly and I was feeling weak. I realized that I hardly had anything to drink and had not kept up with my nutrition plan. I usually start nibbling on pretzels and drinking Gatorade, but because of the cold and my nerves, I just didn't. So I started drinking more and took some goo. Goo is basically a packet of thick, sugary syrup. It comes in all kinds of flavors. Some athletes can't tolerate goo, others are very picky about their preferred flavor. I fall into the latter category. I need to have chocolate with some caffeine. At mile 10 I took goo, and by mile 11 my legs woke back up. It's amazing when that happens!
Miles 11-18 felt great!! Then the wheels started coming off again. GRRRRRR.... :-( At mile 20 I got a mental boost. Rachel and Robyn write me notes that I run with to read at mile 20. They truly help get me through the rest of the race. I always look forward to reading them. They are usually pretty humorous and always sprinkled with loving sentiment and inspiration. This time the letter got me to mile 22. I then looked at my watch. At my current pace, I was not going to come in under 3:50:59, the time I needed to qualify for Boston. Now, I did not NEED to qualify again, I already ran my qualifying time last October 11, at the Whistle Stop Marathon with a time of 3:49:25. I can already run Boston next year....YEAH!! :-) So if I were smart, I would back off and start walking and save myself from potential injury and a longer recovery.
I pushed the last four miles. I cannot explain what happens in my brain. There is a competitiveness that I never knew I had. I constantly compete with myself, challenge myself to go faster and further. It's very difficult for me to let that go. I finished in 3:50:29. The last mile was very painful, but I forgot the pain as I ran through Lambeau Field. It's so cool running through that stadium!! :-)
The girls finished their races as well! I was so happy and excited for them. When Alicia and Erica ran through mile 4, they had a surprise waiting for them. Their families had come to watch the race! They had come up the night before and stayed at a different hotel. It was at mile 4 that they made their presence known. I thought it was so sweet, and so did they!! :-)
It was a great weekend with many new memories created. We will be telling the stories for a very long time.

15 years ago I joined Prairie Athletic Club and began exercising to try and lose some weight. I was 70 pounds heavier then my current weight. To say my diet at the time was less then stellar would be an understatement! I can honestly tell you I eat more now then I did then. Admittedly, for the most part anyway, what I put in my mouth is a lot healthier. Mike likes to tell people about my daily bowl of salad that's, "bigger then your head!" What I never anticipated when I started to work out and training more intensely is how hungry I would get. I could literally eat 24/7. I was talking to my friend Katie last night about this....not for the first time! (I tend to bore most people with my tales of training, hunger, and the unique places I find on a long run to "eliminate" all that food!!;-)). Katie more than understand. She is my angel that is helping me with my training. She did her first IM Wisconsin last year in just over 12 hours. For those that don't know, that is an incredible time! She did this without a coach, on a basic road bike that was constantly breaking, and while having only raced in one other sprint triathlon. She is amazing! What's even more amazing is the amount of food she can consume. She said to me last night, "The only time I wasn't eating during training was when I was swimming!"
I've already eaten 1/2 cookie, cereal, fruit, and yogurt this morning. I've been up for an hour!!! :-O

Welcome to my blog!

Hello, and thank you for visiting my blog. Please forgive me as I stumble through my first post, and as I navigate my way through what is foreign territory for me. I need to thank my daughter Rachel for helping me set this up. What a wonderful Mother's Day activity!!
I will be using this as a forum for sharing with you this incredible journey down the "Iron" road to Ironman Wisconsin. Associating this event to a fund raising effort is also new for me, but it's something I'm very excited about! I will also be setting up a Face Book page and I will have a link on this site as soon as it is set up.
I will try to summarize my short athletic history and all that has taken place to get me to this point. Seven years ago I ran my first race. It was the Crazy Legs Classic, a five mile run for UW- Madison athletics. Prior to this I hadn't run more than 3 miles. I HATED running! I ran the race as a response to a challenge from a friend. Something happened when I crossed that finish line. It was at that race my obsession started. I HAD to run a marathon!
I spent the next year running my self into the ground and making every newbie mistake that one could ever make, the biggest being too much mileage too soon, in a 36 year old body that was screaming, "What the heck are you doing to me???" By mid-summer I was injured and couldn't run for four months.
I have learned much since then, and I continue to learn every day. I think one of the most incredible things that I have learned from all of my experiences so far is that the human body is so complex and powerful and has tremendous capacity to perform under the most challenging circumstances. It is no surprise that it also houses the heart and the brain, whose influences are beyond measure. I've also learned that the heart and brain respond very positively to the love and support of family, friends, and even strangers. I definitely did not get to this place alone!
Since that first race, I have run eight marathons, six triathlons, and many other short course races. 2008 was my busiest year so far. It included running in two marathons, including my first Boston Marathon, and three triathlons. I was able to finish my first half-ironman distance triathlon last August. So, when you ask me when my training started for IM Wisconsin, I would tell you, "seven years ago"
In the middle of all that, the road got a little bumpy with the consequences of a ruptured CAVM, and treatment of a PAVM, but that's another blog. This first one is already too long! So much for a summary! ;-)
Fast forward to the present. This morning I ran my last 11 miler in preparation for the Green Bay Marathon which I will run next Sunday. This week I will be dealing with what I have started calling, "taper madness" week. It's the week or two before a big race where your drastically cut your training volume to rest up for the race, and at the same time continue to eat like you will never see food again, aka "carb loading"! When I said before I hated running, now I HATE taper week! I struggle with it mentally and physically. By the end of it I feel sluggish, tired, and heavy. When your body and mind are used to going, going, going and you tell it to slow down and rest, it feels awful. If you would have told me seven years ago I would feel this way, I would NEVER have believed you or understood.
After this marathon I will be focusing more on the bike and swim. I have continued to bike and swim while training for this marathon, but my attention to those disciplines will increase while the running miles will decrease slightly. If your wondering what is my least favorite thing to do? It is the swim....more on that later.
Thank you again for visiting! I hope everyone had a great Mothers Day!! :-)