Change

Earlier this week I was really struggling emotionally with a big change in my life. I have had horses for almost 20 years. We've had them here on our six acre farmette of 16 years which we turned into a boarding facility. This had been my dream since I was five. Mike lovingly supported this passion, not only financially, (He frequently wore a t-shirt that said, "My wife owns horses...this shirt is financed!"), but with a tremendous amount of work and sacrifice. Over the past several years my interest have shifted to all things running, biking, and swimming. Throughout this transition, I kept a grip on the idea that I can do it all. I can ride and care for my horses while I train, work, raise a family, maintain relationships with those I love, and the other daily commitments we all deal with. Mike likes to say, " Putting ten pounds of poop, [aka...**it!] in a five pound bag!!" Well, the smelly bag has been overflowing for too long. Is it the HHT? Or simply being over 40...even if only slightly? ;-) Fatigue has become a familiar enemy that I battle with daily. It impacts me in ways that affect everything I do. In trying to live life to it's fullest and not waste any moment I'm on this earth, I too often live these moments in a fog. I call it "brain mush". So Monday, after a painful process lasting three years, we drove my two horses to their new homes. I sold the youngster Slim. He has a wonderful new Mom named Holly. She is 17 years old and is perfect for Slim! I really am happy for them both. My old guy Dudley...he is 25 and I've owned him for 13 years... is housed in a stable less then a mile away. The barn manager there is Carol. Do you know how when you meet somebody and you have an instant connection? I feel that with Carol. She will help lessen some of the burden of caring for Dudley. Tuesday morning, for the first time in many years, I had no horses to take care of. It felt foreign, wrong, and I felt sad.
We frequently hear, "Change is inevitable". We all experience it with every milestone, every passing year, every birth, death, babies first steps, graduation, divorce, marriage, tragedy, illness, move....the list goes on and on. It's part of life. And so is adaptation. I realize full well how blessed I am to have had these opportunities. I've had the freedom and circumstance to make these choices, to have these amazingly wonderful experiences. I just needed to remind myself while I was wallowing in these negative feelings, that really...this is all part of the ride. I am beyond thankful that for a majority of the time, I've gotten to pick which road to take, and have been able to fix MOST of the flat tires!! I know one day, there will be too much damage to fix. We will all get to that place. Until then, just keep on peddling!! ( Ahhh...enough with the metaphors, right?)
I slept in until almost 7 this morning. It felt YUMMY!! :-)
Enjoy this day!